


Just friends

by HerthaLind



Series: Songs of SKAM [4]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Attraction, F/M, Fate or Chance, Friends With Benefits, Heartache, Is this love?, Jealousy, Love in real life, Love or Desire, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-04 19:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 44,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13371270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerthaLind/pseuds/HerthaLind
Summary: This is really several SKAM love stories in one, continuing exploring what might happen about one year after season 4. We will follow mostly EVA & ADAM, NOORA & WILLIAM and SANA & YOUSEF but meet the others too. It takes place in the autumn of 2018.The theme to explore this time is if it is possible to be just friends when there is a strong attraction going on. There is always a risk that somebody gets hurt and jealous.Is the physical or emotional attraction of more important?And what about secrecy? Some say that ignorance bliss, so is it better to not tell your partner things that might be misunderstood or hurtful?This story is part 4 of my series “Songs of SKAM” but I think it could be read independently. Part 1 and 2 had a Sana point of view and was very Yousana-centered. Part 3 “Unexpectedly” was, like this story, structured with many stories intervening and each chapter is told from a different point of view (POV).





	1. POV Sana : Yousef's party (teaser)

**Author's Note:**

> Drafted chapters so far:  
> 1.POV Sana  
> 2.POV Noora  
> 3.POV Adam  
> 4.POV Eva  
> 5.POV William  
> 6.POV Noora  
> 7.POV Elias  
> 8.POV Sana  
> 9.POV Eva  
> 10.POV William  
> 11.POV Adam  
> 12.POV Eva  
> 13.POV Sana  
> 14.POV Adam  
> 15.POV Yousef  
> 16.POV Sana  
> 17.POV Noora  
> 18.POV Eva  
> 19\. POV Even

### (Saturday 22 September, 2018)

Sana felt like she had been celebrating Yousef’s birthday for days now. Yesterday he got her present, today she had first been at a birthday lunch at a restaurant with his family, then all went for cake and coffee at his apartment and now in the evening friends were coming over for a party. He had a Turkish meze thing going on, both salty and sweet dishes and everybody brought whatever they felt like drinking.

 

Most of their friends had started to arrive and most of Yousef’s family had started to leave. His sister Leyla was still lingering with her 9 month old baby Alexander, she had promised to do a special birthday coffee reading for her brother. “ **No stork, please** ” Sana joked before they started. “ **I don’t decide what the coffee grounds wants to show me. I am just the messenger here** ” Leyla defended herself. Eva was holding and playing with the baby and Noora was amazed by the scene. “ **I cannot believe that you two just met! Look at him, he is totally flirting with you, he would totally go with you anywhere** ” she said to Eva. “ **I know. We have a connection, don’t we? That’s what I love with small kids, they just trust and love you even if you’re a complete stranger. No games. But I think they can see through if you are fake** ” Eva answered. “ **Pure survival instinct. They know they need adults to survive so they make sure enough adults love them** ” Sana explained. “ **Well Eva is basically a professional by now, working in a kindergarten and all** ” Noora added.

“ **We could have needed you a few hours ago, there were three more kids running around then when Yousef's brother was here. Seriously, without an iPad they would had torn the place down** ” Sana complained. “ **Three? That’s nothing. I have almost 20 in my group at work** ” Eva commented.

 

More people were arriving at the door and Yousef went to open. Elias, Adam, Even and Isak entered. “ **I think it is time for us to go home now** ” Leyla said, took her child made him wave goodbye to his admires and started to pack all the baby things together. Yousef helped her and walked them to the door to say goodbye.

 

Adam and Elias were already arguing about which playlist to put on. Eva went around asking who apart from her wanted wine and started passing glasses and the bottle around. “ **Let’s get this party started!** ” she exclaimed enjoying whatever song Elias and Adam finally approved. She was in a good mood and started dancing with the wine glass still in her hand trying to get Even to join her. Isak on the other hand was trying to get Even to taste some of the meze dishes, so Eva gave up and also took something to eat.

 

William was on the sofa talking to Elias girlfriend Sara about the wine he brought. She seemed interested and tasted some. In a few seconds Elias was there, sat down and put his arm on Sara’s shoulder. Also Noora was quick to sit by William with a plate of food and insisted that he would have a taste. “ **Isn’t it funny how fast they got there, to the sofa, to mark their property** ” Sana heard Isak say to her with a low voice behind her. She had thought the same thing, seriously what did they have to worry about? Why even be with someone unless you trust them? She trusted Yousef, she did not feel the need to always show that he was hers, she already knew it.

She turned to Isak. “ **Who are you to talk? Even can’t talk to anyone, man or woman, more that a few minutes before you are there** ” she teased him back. “ **Do you think I don’t trust Even? I do. It’s everyone else I don’t fully trust. Because, well people are not blind and Even looks like Even. But I trust you. My best bud** ” he flattered her. “ **You only trust me because you know I don’t even sleep with my own man** ” she suggested. “ **Probably true. Shit, I never thought about it like that. I always thought my trust for you had to do with your loyalty to me. Now i am a little disappointed** “ he added and made a funny face. She laughed at him. It could not be easy to be Isak. But he didn’t seem to complain, secretly he probably loved the drama and the spice a bit of jealousy could bring to the table.

 

Sana also went to get something to eat and overheard Eva talking to Adam about his music. “ **So everything started at the youth center basically and now you got a record deal and all!** ” she summarized his story sounding impressed. “ **Yeay, more or less. I got inspired by Carlos at the center and learned some basic recording and editing techniques there and started to experiment with my own songs, showing them to people. One thing lead to another** ” he agreed. “ **Did you always know that it was what you wanted to do?** ” Eva asked. “ **No, no. Nobody in my family is a musician. I wanted to be a soccer player. I don’t know what was more realistic but now I am doing this, taking this opportunity. I get to work with people I admire, other artist, producers, so I know I’ve been really lucky** ” he continued humbly. Eva had gotten a little drunk by now and really showed how interested she was. “ **But does it ever, you know stress you? Now that you have a record deal. Do they pressure you to do things differently, more comercial stuff, like sellable or something?** ” she wanted to know. “ **Sure, I feel pressured to produce something good. But I would not do anything I didn’t want to. And I don’t think they want that, rap is all about authenticity, keeping it real. And not all pressure is bad. I am more disciplined now, I come more prepared to the studio, I don’t want to waste anybody’s time. Before it was a hobby, a project and now it is more like a job** ” he explained. “ **Seriously, you should always work with something you love, work takes too much of your time anyway, so if you are not doing something you love, you are just wasting your time** ” Adam continued.

“ **Oh, I plan to. Not sure what yet but I don’t care more what seems fancy in other people’s eyes. Right now I just want to try different things and find out what I like doing. Shit, when I think about all the pressure I have put on myself mostly to make other people, like my parents, happy or proud. It’s insane. But they will not live my life. Nobody will live my life but me** ” she continued. Sana smiled at her, ok, now we have reached the late hour drunken philosophical hour. She was really cute though, Eva, and she was on a good path now with her kindergarten and youth center internship solution.

 

Noora joined her. “ **Sara seems nice** ” she said. “ **Yeah** ” Sana agreed without going into it more than that. She was not sure yet what she thought about Sara, she was smart and friendly but was she right for her brother? Elias seemed charmed by he, he started defying their parents by sleeping over at her place. Maybe it had less to do with Sara and more to do with Elias growing up, wanting something of his own. “ **Nice food** ” Noora added and started talking about that instead.

 

Yousef was standing with Elias on the other side of the room and Sana caught him looking at her. It felt nice, her man. They had not talked much alone today, being surrounded by other people all the time. She walked over to him. “ **Having a good time, birthday boy?** ” she asked. He nodded “ **It’s been a good day. And this has been a very interesting year** ” he said satisfied. “ **And the coming year? Any good news in the coffee reading?** ” she asked him. “ **Oh, you know how they are, you can read almost anything into those readings. I shall expect a big challenge soon, that I will have to overcome, something about facing my childhood** ” he answered laughing at it shaking his head. “ **I am facing my childhood everyday in school. I study child psychology and development now for crying out loud** ”. She knew what he meant, those coffee reading sounded so high-flown and fatal. In the end it was your own interpretation that gave them any meaning or power. “ **It’s a bit hot in here right? Let’s go out on the balcony** ” Sana suggested and lead the way there. She heard him humming “ **It’s getting hot in here, let’s take of…** ” then he started humming instead. Even and Mikael were on the balcony discussing a movie but went back inside shortly after they came.

“ **Happy birthday, babe** ” Sana said and kissed Yousef. He smiled, he seemed really happy and kissed her again, with more feeling. “ **Fuck, sorry** ” they heard Elias excuse himself and go back inside, followed by a cry to Mikael “ **Seriously Mikael, you are a sick fuck! Don’t do that, it’s not even funny** ”. There were some laughter inside. Yousef rolled his eyes. “ **I’ll just have to kill Mikael in his sleep now. Too bad I still need him to pay half of rent** ”. Sana raised her eyebrows and said “ **Well, he could easily be replaced. Where were we?** ”.

 

### Chat with Yousef (Sunday 23 September, 2018)

Yousef: **did you sleep well, canım?**

Sana: **like a baby**

Yousef: **wanna do something lazy today?**

Sana: **my guess is that you need to clean your apartment after the party**

**doesn’t sound too lazy**

Yousef: **I meant after that**

Sana: **ok, what did you have in mind?**

Yousef: **leftover picnic maybe?**

Sana: **too cold outside**

Yousef: **leftover picnic in my room?**

Sana: **ok, that could work :)**

Yousef: **btw what do you think about Adam and Eva?**

**they seemed to hit it of last night?**

Sana: **that would be a disaster**

**they are both so impulsive!**

Yousef: **impulsive can be good!**

Sana: **and Eva recently broke up with Jonas**

**and Adam is too self-absorbed right now with his big record deal and all**

Yousef: **you are being negative**

Sana: **look Eva talked to many people last night, she is very social, especially drunk, so I wouldn’t read too much into it**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, this is a “teaser” that might give an idea of what this new story will be about ;)
> 
> I have drafted a lot of chapters in my notebook, but I fell and had a concussion so now I am home from work with instructions to have a “brain rest” at least another week. Extremely boring. The good news is that I have time to think, fantasies and write. But the bad news is that I should not stay by the computer too long periods (or watch TV, listen to loud music, basically avoid any external stimulation of the brain). And I am already stuck on chapter 2! While 3- 5 is basically ready. So I will publish things bit by bit as soon as each chapter is ready.
> 
> The ending is mostly ready. Not sure if romance should trumf realism or not… I might deal with a compromise there... (realistic romance?).
> 
> Anyway I am listening a lot to Lauryn Hill, Fugees and Bob Marley (always!) and also exploring Adam Ezzari's songs and lyrics a bit and Drake, some UK grime Dave and Stormzy for inspiration. But not too loud music or too much


	2. POV Noora : Like in a magazine

### (Tuesday 25 September, 2018)

Noora woke up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She had been sleeping more at Williams place then her own lately. But it still didn’t feel like home. More like a hotel, everything was so new and perfect. The fancy kitchen, the jacuzzi in the bathroom. She felt like a visitor. In her own room, she didn’t have much but every single item had a function and a story, a mismatch of things from her life. Her oriental patterned pillows that she had bought in Madrid, pictures and quotes on the wall, even her ugly yellow-green bedside table that she had found on a fleamarket her first weekend after moving to Oslo. Williams place looked more like a spread from an interior design magazine than an actual home where people lived. It worked well on photograph but in real life, you didn’t dare to touch anything, risking to mess it up or break something.

 

William came up to check on her. He embraced her from behind and kissed her neck. “ **It’s nice to wake up and see you here, wearing nothing but my T-shirt, in my kitchen** ”, he mumbled in her neck still a little sleepy. She felt warm from his touch and her knees got a little weak, but she had ambivalent feeling to what he had just said. He liked to see her there, almost naked in his fancy kitchen. He liked beautiful things and she just suited the interior, that perfect image. She turned around, kissed him and said “ **I’m getting cold, let’s go back to bed** ”.

 

### Pillow talk

Later in bed they started talking. “ **Why is all this so important to you? You know, expensive, material things. A nice apartment, a fancy car. Do you think of it as a sign of success or statues or something?** ” she asked him. William shrugged “ **It’s just normal to me. Feels like home. Comfortable, clean, easy. The real question is why does it bother you? You like the jacuzzi, so why not have one at home?** ” he wondered. Noora looked up in the ceiling, trying to think of why and a way to describe that why to him. “ **It’s just cold and impersonal, it doesn’t say anything about who lives here** ”, she tried. “ **N** **ot to me. People are not all the same. Everybody does not want show their feelings on display in their house. Do you then think that I am cold and impersonal then? Just because I don’t always expose myself to everybody. Why is your or other people’s personality or taste better than mine?** ” he answered with rhetorical questions. She exhaled frustrated. Why did he always have to have so good arguments. He would really make a great lawyer one day. And he knew her too well now. He knew that she was pro tolerance, being yourself and integrity. To not let anyone push you around and manipulate you. Not even her.

 

She started trying to explain her associations she with the place instead. **“I don’t know, it just remind me too much of my parents house, perfect, cold and loveless. Where I was not allowed to touch or play with anything or make a mess. Or the apartment in London, do you remember? It was so perfect that my few items or pocketbooks looked like trash on the book shelves there. Your dad must have hated to see them there** ”.

 

“ **Your parents still love you. They just show it in a strange way** ”, he said while striking her cheek. It felt good to hear that, it was probably true, more or less. “ **I know** ”, she answered. “ **I just don’t feel it very much. But they have done some good things. They got me professional help when I needed it and they let me move to Madrid when I wanted to. That was a turning point** ”. She laughed out loud sarcastically thinking about it, it was so ironic “ **They fucked me up and then tried to fix me! Really great parents I have**!”. William didn’t say anything more, he just looked at her affectionately. She both liked and felt awkward when he looked at her like that. Like he was observing her, analysing her. Trying to understand her or judging her. It was still sometimes strange to her that somebody could love her that much.

 

“ **Anyway, you are free to come with suggestions on how to make this place more cosy, I only just moved in here. But just don’t fill it with too much trashy flea market stuff. Some selected odd pieces could work** ” he added after a while.

 

“ **I really need to go home today, I have been wearing the same two sets of clothes for too long now** ”, she said. “ **You can use the washing machine. Or just bring some clothes and leave them here** ”, he told her. “ **I know, I just haven’t gotten to it yet** ”, she answered. William had even left empty drawers and space for her in the closet. If she would bring to much of her things there, it would feel like she was moving in and she did not want that. Not yet. And maybe not there.

 

### Group chat with Sana and Eva

Noora: **Can we meet at my place and Skype with Granka?**

**I have not been home in a while**

Eva: **fine with me, I can come after 16**

Sana: **ok. but we’re still on for lunch right?**

Noora: **yeah, see you later**

 

### Skype date with La Palmas

Noora, Sana and Eva were sitting close together on the carpet with their backs against Noora’s bed when Chris and Vilde appeared on her screen. “ **Girls what’s up?** ”, Chris asked with a smiling Vilde in beside her. “ **Not much. Same old, same old** ”, Noora answered. Sana added “ **What’s up with you two?** “. “ **My girlfriend’s gone to Madrid for a week** ”, Vilde answered and did a fake sobbing. “ **Come on you’ll survive. You have me. And Mutta** ”, Chris comforted her. “ **True. But Noora, I told Sofia that you used to live in Madrid, but I never understood why? Because you moved there alone right? Not with your parents?** ”, Vilde asked. Noora was taken by surprised, she had avoided talking about why she moved there, it was not something that was easy to explain. It had been in late spring 2013, she was 14 years old and had just finished a treatment program and the thought of going back to her old school in Mjøndalen terrified her. She felt strong again but she wanted a new life, a fresh start and only had two year left before she would change school anyway. She had read about the possibility to study abroad in another European country and Madrid seemed nice. They had a house in Spain and had spent several summers there, so she knew enough Spanish to apply for it. He parents had been sceptical at first. They had talked to her psychologist, who had recommended the change and whom she stayed i contact with regularly even while abroad. She stayed with a host family in Madrid who welcomed her and basically treated her as one of their own. Noora explained it to Vilde, but left out the part with the treatment center. It was not a secret, it just seemed too complicated to talk about over Skype like this.

 

“ **Do you have any plans this weekend? Any parties in Oslo that we are missing** ” Chris asked. Sana mentioned Friday prayer and basketball practice on Saturday and then a game on Sunday. Noora had plans with William on Friday, before he’d go to London for the weekend, then laundry day and work both Saturday and Sunday.

 

Eva started complaining that Chris and Vilde is not there anymore to party and get drunk with her. “ **It’s so boring to drink alone, and these two, boyfriends, Friday prayer and laundry weekend! I don’t need to get super wasted! Just, you know fun drunk and go out more** ”. And she went on with how tinder sucked and Vilde agreed with her. “ **Seriously, I updated and reactivated my profile a few days ago and half of the guys who contacted me are idiots or the same as two years ago. It’s depressing. I am a woman in my best years, I should not need to get a boyfriend in order to get a safe and good fuck, damn it! I am in charge of my own vagina!** ”. Chris tried to help her out “ **What about Chris? I always like you two together** ”. Eva sighted “ **Yeah, Chris could work, I guess. At least I know him and he is single again I think. It just sucks that I have to initiate it. I could just like some random photos on his insta and he might get the message** ”. Noora rolled her eyes. She could suggest that William invited Chris over or something, make a double date night of it, but she was not getting involved in Eva’s non-existing lovelife this time.

 

They ended their conversation and Sana and Eva stayed for soup and leaven bread she had baked earlier. Then they left. Noora was exhausted. She had not been thinking this much about Madrid and why she moved there for a long time. Today she had thought about it twice, first when talking to William in the morning and now when Vilde asked. She knew that what happened was not her fault and that she should be proud that she had overcome it. Her doctor had declared her back in good health, three years ago. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, she thought even though the expression started to feel like an old cliché. She sighed heavily, alone in her room.

 

Still the memories of who she was before Madrid, how sick she had been and all the chaos in her head and her life back then. It scared her. She had been one of the best in her class, always good grades and also high performance on her after school activities. She loved horseback riding and had won several competitions in jumping and dressage. She was also attended classes at the music school in both singing and playing guitar. She was a perfectionist and wanted to be the best in everything she did. Only then would her parents see her and be proud of her.

 

Then came puberty, and things changed, her body started changing and she got more tired. She also fell in love with the worst guy possibly. He was a few years older and treated her like dirt. After that it just went down hill. Her favorite horse, Birk, that she used to compete with, got sick and had to be put to sleep. She got problems concentrating at school and felt like the only thing she could control now was what she ate. She hated the changes in her body it felt like she was losing control, losing herself. She wanted to stay thin, it was a way to hold on to the person she was when she was successful. The child Noora who was strong and could do anything. So she became obsessed with calories and nutrients in food and started losing weight. The funny thing was that her parents noticed her grades failing long before they saw that there was something wrong with her eating habits. They got help, professional help and she got away from her old school for a while. She hated that school and she was convinced that everybody there knew about her problems. That everybody talked about her. That was one of the reasons she still did not like visiting her parents in Mjøndalen. Just the thought of walking down those streets and run into old friends, old teachers, anybody. She knew it was crazy thoughts. She had nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, she should be proud of where she was today, what she had accomplished so far.

 

She was thinking about how alike she and William really were, their background. They both had upper class, high achieving parents who had been emotionally absent most of their lives and taken for granted that their children would turn out perfect. William had told her about how his mother could not stand Nicolai’s outbreaks of rage. Thinking about it, Nicolai’s reaction was probably the most healthy one in that household, refusing to pretend that everything was ok, when it was not. She still didn’t like him or wanted to get to know him more, not after what he had done to her. But she had started to understand him better, why he was so messed up. She did feel sorry for him, but it did not give him the excuse to act like a jerk.

 

William had told her some crazy Au Pair stories too. Most of them were sweet and friendly. One girl from Turkey, was very sweet but she didn’t know English. Her sister had helped her with the application and Williams mother had to develop a system where she left her written instructions for the day in English and the girl would send them to her sister for translations. At the end of her stay she had learned a bit of Norwegian and much better English too. William had liked her.

 

The last Au Pair Noora had herself came from Ireland, was called Rachel, and stayed until she turned 11 years old. She had been like an older sister and they stayed friends and kept in touch afterwards. When Noora fell in love and got her heart broken at 13 she had told her all about it. About falling in love, that she slept with him and how badly he treated her afterwards. Rachel had tried to comfort her from a distance, and it helps a little. When Noora was at the treatment center Rachel had sent her Caitlin Moran’s book “How to be a woman”. That was when her real interest for feminism started. Never again would she let a man determine her self-worth. Being in control of, not what she ate, but of her own life, her independence, became important to her. She didn’t want to be either financially or emotionally depending on her parents or any man in the future. Moving away from home, to Madrid was a first step, getting her own apartment in Oslo and a job the next. It was not only a matter of trust but a matter of principles and pride. Moving to London for William sake had seemed like a good idea and a fun thing to do at the time, but it had been a huge mistake. Not only did she risk graduating from Hartvig Nissen a year later, but she also lost the support system she had in her friends. Eskild and Linn, Sana, Eva, Vilde and Chris. With them she got to be both strong and vulnerable. William was not enough. One person cannot replace a whole group of people, her new family.

 

### Chat with William

Noora: **Hi**

**I’ll sleep at home tonight**

William: **ok**

Noora: **it’s late and I am getting up early for classes tomorrow anyway**

William: **ok, wanna meet after classes tomorrow?**

Noora: **sure**

William: **my place?**

Noora: **ok, goodnight**

**love you <3**

William: **love you too <3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I felt the need for some more Noora backstory. I think she is a very strong but complex character, much more than just a pretty girl.
> 
> Much of it is just my interpretation and fantasies but inspired from details in SKAM - like her dialogues with Vilde in season 1 and 2, reactions and dialogues with William, Sana and Mari in season 2, her reaction when she came back from London in season 3 and talking about William with Sana in season 4.


	3. POV Adam : In da club

###  Chat with Eva (Thursday 28 September, 2018)

Eva:  **Hi**

**I really liked your song**

Adam:  **thanx**

**but which one? I’ve done several**

Eva:  **the one “No pressure”**

Adam:  **should have guessed ;)**

**I am doing this guest artist gig thing tomorrow night**

**wanna come?**

Eva:  **sure when is it?**

Adam:  **starts at 21, I’ll send a link**

Eva:  **sound early for a hip hop club**

Adam:  **It’s not a club, more a youth community thing**

**if you wanna go to a club I’ll take you to a club some other night ;)**

Eva:  **sounds interesting, I’ll be there**

 

###  (Friday 29 September, 2018)

Adam noticed Eva by the bar. She was sitting alone but already making friends with the guy behind the counter, laughing at something apparently hilarious. He went over to say hi. “ **You came. Alone?** ” he asked. “ **Yeah, I thought why not. Explore this side of Oslo that I know nothing about. My friends had other plans** ” she answered. “ **And somehow I already managed to make a fool out of myself trying to order a drink. No alcohol. So just juice. And chips!** ” she said and smiled raising her glas. Adam found it cute and felt the need to explain “ **Yeah, sorry, I should have warned you. It’s a no alcohol, no drugs policy here. A city funded youth project thing** ” he started. “ **But, hey, I’ll take you somewhere for a drink after, I owe you that dragging you down here on a Friday night** ”. “ **No, no, my bad. You said it was not a club. And I can handle a Friday without getting wasted. It will be good for me** ” she answered. He nodded and smiled back.

 

There were six young guys and one girl trying out their acts on the stage, for some it might be the first time in front of a live audience. The quality varied, both on the actual rapping and performance. Adam explained that one of the guys was actually really good, was good with words and made great recordings, he was just nervous on stage. Seven years ago it had been himself up there for the first time. In the end Adam and another more established rapper did a few of their songs. Adam loved it, he had the crowd with him, people even singing along in some parts. After that it was all over. 

 

He stopped and talked with people afterwards, giving advice and taking selfies with whoever wanted to. He looked up and noticed Eva watching him a few times, she seemed otherwise busy talking with some people she just met. She made her way over to him to say goodbye. “ **Hey, I am leaving now but thanks for inviting me here, it was fun. To see** ” she said. “ **Wait, how did you get here? With the metro? I could give you a ride home if you can wait five minutes** ” he offered. It was not really late, but still, he didn’t like the idea of her going home alone through the city. She nodded and said “ **Ok, thanks, that would be nice** ”. He went to get his stuff in the back and say goodbye to Carlos who had arranged the evening. It took a lot more than five minutes, he got stopped a few times on the way out but Eva was patiently waiting for him, checking her phone, right where he had left her. “ **Let’s go** ” he said. 

 

“ **So did you like it?** ” he asked when they walked to the car. “ **Yeah. It is great to see so many young people doing something creative. You seem to have a good supportive hip hop community thing going on too. I talked to one of the guys mothers, she just loves what Carlos is doing** ” she started. “ **And you! You were great, impressive. They loved you** ” she said. He smiled, obviously flattered even if she probably didn’t know shit about hip hop.

“ **You even got a few little groupies wanting selfies with you! How cute** ” she teased him. He laughed. “ **Now that’s just sexist! How do you know they are groupies? They might be future MCs. You see this is why it is so hard for girls to make it in this industry** ” he complained. Not that he really thought that most of the 16-year olds that approached him was into rapping, but it felt like smart thing to say. And the idea of being some teen-idol was strange to him. She laughed but agreed “ **You’re so right, my bad, my bad. God, I am ashamed now. Don’t even want think about what Noora would had said if she’d heard me** ” she said.

“ **It’s really good practice for them, to get on the stage, feel the audience. You think it’s all about your song, about writing smart bars, but that can only get you so far. And it keeps many, especially guys, busy doing something creative. Like you said, being part of a community. It sure kept me out of some trouble** ” he continued. “ **Listen, do you  want to go straight home or get something to eat or drink?** ” he asked while he started driving. “ **I am a bit hungry actually. Even though I probably ate a whole bag of chips in there!** ” she said. She was really sweet with her Bergen dialect, he thought, and fun to talk to. “ **Istanbul kebab is open until midnight, are you up for that? They have this great mixed grilled plate. To die for** ” he suggested.

 

###  Istanbul kebab

Adam opened the door to Istanbul kebab. There were a few other people before them in line ordering. “ **Adam! Long time. Everything ok? Who’s your girl?** ”, the owner asked. “ **Hi, can’t complain. This is Eva, just a friend** ”, Adam answered. “ **Eva, off course, I should have guessed. Adam and Eva** ”, he joked making them both laugh a little embarrassed. “ **What can I get you?** ”, he asked. Adam ordered for both of them, checking with Eva what she might like or not like. Only light beer available he informed her so she settled with a soda.

 

“ **How are things with your boyfriend? Jonas, right?** ”, Adam asked when they sat down. He had been wondering about it all night. They had met a couple of times at different parties, Halloween, Sana and Yousef’s engagement party and had talked about music. He liked Jonas, he seemed like an ok guy. It seemed strange to him that she was here alone with him and not with her boyfriend on a Friday night. “ **Ah, I don’t know really. We broke up so I haven't seen him much lately** ” Eva answered. Ok, that explained it. Adam felt the need to say something more fast before it would get awkward. “ **Was it bad? Are you two still friends?** ” he asked. She answered naturally, although she really didn’t have to. It was really none of his business. “ **It was bad. And we are still friends. We will probably always be friends, we’ve known each other so long. But we need a real break from each other first, I think** ”. She took another bite and a break to think. ” **It’s hard to explain, some things were good and others not. And now, I just need to move on. And just be me. Again** ”. Adam nodded “I **t’s important. To be yourself** ” Adam said. It seemed fitting. “ **So what about you? Any girlfriend, or boyfriend? Or too busy with your little groupies?** ” she joked. Adam laughed “ **Neither. I don’t think I have the time for it anyway right now. To do it well. I am to caught up in my music and feel like I got this opportunity and I want to focus on that** ” he answered. “ **That’s good** ” she said. He was not sure what she meant. Was it good that he was single, good that he was focusing on his music or just good that he understood that a real relationship would take time and energy?

 

###  Your place

“ **So your place next. What’s your address?** ” Adam asked when they were back in his car. She gave it to him and he saved it on the gps on his phone. When they arrived the house was dark. It was a nice small house with a little backyard. “ **Nice place** ”, he said. “ **It’s my mom’s house** ”, she answered. “ **And your dad?** ”, he asked. “ **He lives in Bergen with his new family** ”, she answered. “ **I guess your mom has gone to bed. It’s dark** ” he stated. “ **No, she’s out of town, travels a lot in her job** ”, Eva explained. “ **Ok, thank you for the ride. And an interesting evening** ”, she added. He nodded and started wondering if she was lingering in the car on purpose. She had been a bit flirty during the evening, had she not? Or just friendly and interested in what he was doing. Always so hard to tell with girls that talks and smiles a lot.

 

“ **Could I use your bathroom?** ”, he asked. “ **I’ve been drinking too much. I always do it when I perform, like anything, ginger-tea is good for the throat and then at the kebab place. Seriously, I feel like I could explode** ”. Fuck, he felt like he was babbling like an idiot. “ **Sure. Off course. I have a bathroom** ”, she answered. He followed her into the house and she showed him the bathroom in the hallway. He felt relieved after liberating his blatter, he really needed to go. While waching his hands he looked at himself in the mirror. What the fuck was he doing here with Sana’s cute friend. In her house, alone, just the two of them. Sana’s cute, charming, interesting, smart, sexy friend. She had been flirting with him, right? She had made fun of his groupie fans wanting selfies and she like his music and performance. She had listened to it enough to be able to comment on the lyrics even, she was genuinely interested. He would be an idiot if he didn’t at least try something. He’d regret it for sure on the way home.

 

He went out, saw her in the end of the hallway where it opened up to a livingroom and a an open kitchen and dining room solution. “ **Nice place** ”, he commented. “ **So where is your room? Up there?** ”, he asked and nodded towards a staircase. “ **No, that’s my mom’s bedroom** ”, she answered. “ **So where do you sleep?** ”, he wanted to know. If she shows me her bedroom it’s a sign, he thought. She looked at him suspiciously and asked “ **You want to see my room?** ”. “ **Why not? Or I’ll just leave straight away if you want me to** ”, he answered. That was a smart move, he wasn’t pushy. Now it was up to her, she could easily say something about it being late and time for him to leave. It would not be strange. “ **Ok. My room is down here** ”, she answered showing him a door that lead to a staircase down to the basement. “ **You are not scared of the dark basement are you?** ”, she asked with a smile, when he hesitated. She was making fun of him, he laughed and answered “ **There has to be a light here somewhere** ”. She turned on the light walking down right behind him. Shit, what if she was a psycho leading him to her sound isolated killroom wrapped in plastic, he thought, realising he had been watching too much Dexter. 

 

It lead to a nice and cozy room. He liked it. “ **Sweet room. It suits you** ”, he said and looked at her. Ok this was it, the window of opportunity. If he waited any longer now he would appear insecure. She had taken him to her bedroom for crying out loud! There was even a bed there! She was observing him, checking him out, and blushed a little when she saw him noticing it. He walked over and caressed her cheek and kissed her. Score! She kissed him back and pulled closer to him. He wasn’t sure what to do with his hands, but decided to placed them on her lower back and hips. “ **Look, I don’t want anything too serious or complicated right now** ” she told him softly. What did that mean? Her hands were still on his body, she did not pull away. So nothing serious or complicated? But something fun and easy? Like casual sex? He could do that. Was she for real? Was this really happening now? “ **Neither do I. Just something... easy** ”, he answered and kissed her again. She was definitely into it, into him. Sana’s cute, charming, interesting, smart, sexy friend was into him. She kissed his cheek and his neck and her hands were on his belt. He found it hard to focus, it had been so long. This was really happening. 

 

He tried to focusing on her, her body, but still stay cool a bit longer. Didn’t want to seem like some creep who got an erection from just a bit of kissing. “ **Ok then** ”, she said and her skin blushed. He smiled. That was definitely a yes. Go for it. He lifted her up and dropped her on the bed. A bit clumsier than he intended but she laughed and seemed to like it. She had that inviting smile that drove him crazy. This night had turned into something that he had not anticipated. She even really seemed to like his music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Adam Malik at bit more. 
> 
> Although a purely fictional character he is a obviously a bit inspired by Adam Ezzari, who did write a song "Ikke none press" (No pressure). He also likes the Mixed grilled plate at Istanbul kebab in Oslo and drink ginger te, so I stole those details, but I have no idea whatsoever how he is with women.


	4. POV Eva : No goodbye

### (Saturday 30 September, 2018)

Eva woke up alone. It took her a moment to remember it. That Adam had been there, in her bed. He was gone now. He had not even said goodbye. She listened and went up to check the kitchen, the bathroom, just in case he was there. He wasn’t. His car was gone too. It was ok, just a bit surprising. Should she say anything about it? She didn’t want to be this needy girl whining about him not saying goodbye or staying for breakfast. Nothing too serious or complicated was their deal.

 

Penetrator-Chris normally stayed until the morning, or at least he always said goodbye, and they had never been serious a girlfriend, boyfriend thing. She should drop it, decided to not think about it anymore. Adam was not Chris. This might even just be a one time thing. End of the story.

 

Eva went to the kitchen to get herself some muesli for breakfast and watch some brainless reality show while eating it. God, it felt good to be in the game again. Now the last person she had slept with was no longer Jonas. His spell over her was broken, she was moving on. She had been joking with Noora about needing a rebound guy but being to lazy and picky to make it happen. Adam had just fallen into her arms almost by chance. She was surprised really, didn’t think it would be that easy. He took the bait straight away. Inviting her to a gig, offering a ride home. She didn’t feel like he had planned it, but he was obviously attracted to her and wanted to continue being with her all night, finding a way into her house and her bedroom and lingering there. He was the perfect rebound guy. She knew him well enough to know he was no psycho and that she would probably not fall in love and end up with him anyway. He had a too big ego and was too busy to risk getting hung up on her in an unpleasant way too.

 

She liked him. Off course she did. The past week she had been checking him out more on Instagram, read a few articles about him and listened to his music. He was funny and smart. Easy to talk with. He had a post where he stated his relationship status as always in the studio. Girls were obviously not his top priority right now, although they were probably only a direct message away, considering the frequent declarations of love from young girls on his posts.

 

She like that he smiled a lot, that he reacted spontaneously towards things and said what was on his mind. He would probably be a lousy liar. No good at keeping secrets. Or no wish to keep secrets, considering all his talk about the importance of being yourself and stand for who you are. She really did like his music too. And the fact that he was putting his soul into doing something creative. He did not seem naive, just really motivated and brave enough to be ambitious about it. He had emotionally intelligent lyrics, talking about real stuff. More personal than political, but never really private. Some songs she could relate to, others she found interesting anyway. He had integrity, also the way he talked with respect about other people in the industry and his fans, even the young girls. He seemed more mature than her first impression of him. Maybe this last year with all the attention he had gotten had been good for him. Instead of making home more cocky and arrogant it had made him more thankful and focused.

 

It had not been the best sex she ever had, but it was not half bad either. Really decent for a first time with a guy. He was not sensual like Jonas, but then again they did not know each other that well yet. And they were not in love, not really, not romantically. Adam had been more egocentric than Jonas, but still quiet reactive to her movements and capable of getting some hints. It also made it easier for her to be egocentric, get what she wanted from it, not fearing to hurt his feelings. With Jonas it had been a disaster in the end. Their whole sensual connection started to get on her nerves, pretending things were alright when both knew it was not and the best sex in the world could not fix it.

 

She thought about whether or not she should tell anyone, like Noora or Sana about Adam and decided not to. There was no need to. She was not sure Sana would approve, she was too close to all of those guys, like a sister or cousin or something. So to tell her that she was mostly just using him for sex, sounded a bit bad. She was not sure Sana would understand. Noora might understand, the whole being in control of your own sexuality thing. Still it was risky to get involved with another person that might have different values than her when it came to sex.

 

### Guru advice

Eva got bored after breakfast and went over to Noora, who had laundry day and regularly went down to the laundry room to fill a new machine and hang up the washed clothes to dry. Noora was complaining about an exam in political theory on Wednesday that was stressing her. She felt like she had not even started studying for it seriously yet and had to work the afternoon shift in the coffee house today and all day tomorrow. “ **Can’t you just call in sick?** ” Eva suggested. “ **I’m not sick. Just stressed. And late. I should have read all the literature already, so I’d only have to go through my notes** ” Noora continued complaining. William was also going to be in London until Monday and that made Noora a bit jumpy. The whole William going to London thing. He had left early that morning.

 

Eskild came out to the kitchen in his silk robe, happy to see Eva there. Noora ran down to laundry room again. “ **So, how is my favorite party girl doing?** ”, he asked her flattering. “ **Have you done anything naughty lately?** ”. She was dying to tell somebody about last night, without mentioning any names off course, and it might as well be Eskild. Since he obviously was dying to hear about it. “ **I’ve got myself a lover. Or maybe it was just a one night stand thing. Anyway, it was good** ”, she started, lingering on the o in good. Eskild wanted to do a high five “ **Good for you!** ” he said. “ **Now, tell papa everything about it. Every single detail. Do you have pictures?** ”, he begged her. She said no to pictures, explaining that they wanted to keep it private. She mentioned that he was a musician and had taken her to a gig and something to eat and then came with her home. That they were both really into it just being something fun and easy. Somehow Eskild made it sound like the reason they wanted to keep it private was because he was famous and she wanted to avoid paparazzis and he got very excited about that. “ **This is the type of stories you will tell your grandchildren one day. Oh yeah, I’ve fucked him, been there done that. And he wanted me but I didn’t want anything serious and he did too much drugs anyway, but he was a good fuck** ”. Eva laughed and said “ **I seriously doubt that** ”. She like the attention and to gossip about it though. Maybe he really would get very famous one day.

 

“ **Do you want some advice? Free guru advice from someone who has a lot of experience in the field** ”, Eskild asked her. “ **Ok** ” she answered hesitant. “ **Friends with benefits is great and fun for a while. Just be honest, say what you want, that it’s just about the primal need for good sex. But sooner or later somebody normally gets a bit too clingy... and needy... and possessive... and eventually gets hurt. Just make sure that it’s not you, make sure that for you it’s just about sex. Then you’ll be just fine** ”.

 

Eva didn’t really see that risk. She handled her relationship with Chris perfect, she never got clingy with him, so why should she with Adam? And Adam didn’t seem to be the sensitive, needy type. He had too much other thing going for him now and didn’t seem to put having a girlfriend high on his list right now.

 

“ **Thinking about it, it is almost better if the other person is a bit dumber than you, so that he doesn’t turn you on too much intellectually. Never let him inside your head** ”, Eskild continued. Eva wasn’t sure about Adam. He was not stupid. But then again, he was a man so he was probably more primal than her, thinking with his dick from time to time. Thinking about it, it had been ridiculously easy to get him into her bedroom and naked. A few smiles and laughs and the vague implication that she liked him was all he needed. If she would had been a guy he probably would not had invited her to the gig or offered her a ride home. If it would had been Isak or Jonas complementing his songs in a message.

 

Noora was back. “ **Who are we talking about? Who has gotten into your head** ” she asked Eva. “ **Nobody** ” she answered defensively. “ **Eva has a loverboy. Some big time musician. But it’s only sexual** ”, Eskild updated Noora. Eva started at him. Silly her thinking Esklid could keep a secret. Noora looked at her. “ **Well I am done with laundry now. Do you wanna keep me company on the way to work and tell me all about it?** ” she suggested to Eva. “ **Sure I’ll walk and talk with you. Bye Eskild, and don’t go around talking about this now** ”, she added. “ **My lips are sealed you little dirty groupie girl** ” he said and she couldn’t keep from laughing. He would get so disappointed if he found out that it was not a bigger star she had slept with.

 

Noora seemed a bit distracted and was not listening very attentive. “ **I just had a little unexpected adventure last night night. Since both you and Sana were busy I decided to go out on my own and I met a guy and he gave me a ride home and ended up in my bed** ”, Eva explained. Noora looked at her sceptical “ **Just like that? By chance? Or did you meet on tinder?** ”. “ **Well, we did chat a bit before. Not tinder, more some mutual friends thing. He suggested I’d come to where he was going and one thing lead to another** ”, Eva continued. “ **I don't know. Maybe it was a one time thing, maybe not. I hope not. But I am not in love and he knows I am not into getting a boyfriend now and it suits him too, cause he is very busy** ”. Noora was still skeptical. “ **But what do you know about him really? And why don’t you want say who he is or show pictures? Is he famous like Eskild implied** ” she asked a bit annoyed. Eva sighted “ **Just because, we said that we shouldn’t. No need. Come on, just be happy for me. I wanted this. I needed this** ”, Eva begged her. They had arrived at the coffee house and Noora gave her a quick goodbye hug. “ **Ok, I am happy for you. You got what you wanted. Just be careful. It’s a jungle out there. Men are animals. Sometimes”.** Eva nodded. **“I am always careful!** ” she assured her and said goodbye.

 

### Chat with Adam

Adam: **hi, thanx for last night**

**we should do it again some time ;)**

Eva: **ok :)**

Adam: **just wanted to check, are you on some birth control?**

Eva: **you ask me this now?**

**anyway you know I love kids**

Adam: **eh ok, what does that mean?**

Eva: **I wouldn’t mind being a young mother**

**so thank you for the contribution ;)**

Adam: **wtf, you are freaking me out now Eva**

Eva: **just kidding!**

**I am on something, don’t worry**

Adam: **wtf Eva! You almost gave me a heart attack!**

**For a second I thought you were this crazy chick**

Eva: **ha ha ha (evil laugh)**

**but seriously, you ask me the day after?! wtf is that all about?**

**and birth control does not protect you against klamydia**

**Do I need to worry? Get tested?**

**Because I actually do want to have babies one day**

Adam: **very low risk I’d say**

**I’ve been too busy, so not very active lately**

Eva: **listen, did you tell anyone? no need to tell friends right?**

Adam: **no, no. fine with me**

**why? are you ashamed of me or something? he he**

Eva: **no! but I might seem like a groupie!**

Adam: **ha ha! I’m not that big… yet!**

Eva: **seriously I don’t know what Sana would say**

Adam: **well I don't need tell people, let’s keep it uncomplicated**

Eva: **good**

**I don’t mean that it’s a big secret, just private, between us**

Adam: **relax, I get it**

Eva: **good. thanx**


	5. POV William : Why study law?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I have gotten some criticism of how I portrait Noora and William I thought I’d explain my view here. I think that it is sweet that some of you love them so much that you feel that you have to defend them against any implication I make that they might disagree or might not be perfect people or a perfect couple.
> 
> I see them both as very strong characters and their relationship is much built on confronting and challenging each other. I don’t think that William would suddenly lose himself in his love for Noora and just agree with Noora on everything like a puppet. I don’t believe in a “soft” William. From their first date he contradicted her when she thought he had been mean to Vilde. He also contradicted her in very sweet ways when she talked about her parents not loving her and when she was having a breakdown obsessing about needing to finish the 17 May article. So I think he is challenging her weaknesses and fears just as much as she is challenging his.
> 
> I see William as a confident man who knows what he wants and likes and is used to getting what he wants. I don’t think he would stop liking or wanting nice, expensive things just because he is with Noora. From his point of view there is no reason why he cannot have it all. Being “materialistic” as in wanting nice, expensive things can be a force that motivates you to take action, to study and work harder. It does not mean that you are “evil”, maybe just a bit insensitive. I don’t believe that William is sensitive or altruistic like Noora (or Yousef), that he would walk around thinking that everybody he meets is fighting their own battle. He cares about Noora, but not the whole world.
> 
> I think William has a complicated relationship with his father, but I don’t believe that William would “rebel” in the same way as Noora has and become a “bohemian”. Staying one year (!) at Kollektivet living with Eskild and Linn was more than enough for him. I think it is much more realistic that he would rebel by showing his father that he can be rich and successful on his own, because, let’s face it, a nice apartment and a nice car are signs of success and status.
> 
> Overall I don’t believe in in perfect people, everyone has good and bad sides, strengths and weaknesses. And I don’t believe in perfect couples or relationships. Just because you are in love (or even love each other), couples do not agree on every aspect of life, or necessary want exactly the same things. When people are close there is always friction, that is how we grow, as individuals and in a relationship. To disagree or argue is not necessary dangerous, it helps you figure out what you want and can get you closer to each other when you find a good way to compromise. (Me and my husband celebrated our first real fight! Yeah, we survived it! Many years later we still do. Make up sex is the best!). 
> 
> Sure, too much fighting or disagreeing on too important issues can break you. But for Noora and William we are not there yet, at least not in my story. There will be more drama and confrontation before any resolution. I will not say anything more, to not spoil anything.

### (Monday 1 October, 2018)

William had just come home from a weekend in London. His father had a big birthday party and it seemed important that he was there. Noora had also been invited but didn’t want to go and he didn’t feel that it was necessary either. She did not like London much and never really connected with his father. Who could blame her, he was a classic sexistic and capitalistic asshole, the opposite of everything Noora stood for.

Things had been a bit tense between William and his father the past year, since William had decided to stay in Oslo with Noora and study law. They had only met for dinner and coffee a few times while his father had business in Oslo. Things were a bit better now, William even thought that his father respected him more now, for standing up for himself, making his own decisions and proving that he could take care of himself. He would never had invited his father to the old apartment where he lived with Noora, Eskild and Linn, that would had been too embarrassing. But things were different now, in his new apartment. He was lucky to have money on both sides of the family and that he had gotten his trust fund from his maternal grandfather to buy the apartment and finance his studies. His grandfather had agreed with him, it would be smart investments.

 

Being back in London, in the old apartment where he lived for a while with Noora, he had taken the opportunity to collect a few things that he had left there. He had even found a few things that Noora had forgotten. She had bought three pocket books, Virginia Wolf’s “A room of one’s own”, Jane Austen’s “Pride and prejudice” and Sylvia Plath’s “The bell jar”. All books that Noora loved and had already read in Norwegian but wanted to read in original language to improve her English. William put them in his bookshelf in the living room after first reading about them on the backside. He recognised them all, Noora had talked about them occasionally. It felt nice to have some things of Noora’s in his home, almost like she actually lived there.

 

She was coming over later that night, so he should not complain. As long as they slept together most nights of the week it felt ok. He didn’t mind living alone, it was more the feeling of it being a distance between them that could bother him.

It irritated him that she was so stubborn and that she had all these feminist ideas that just made things complicated. Maybe he should just read her books in order to build up better argument for why their relationship should be the priority? Why she or he did not need to prove anything anymore. How they could still be independent and free individuals even if they were dependent and supportive of each other. Or he should just take a basic course in gender studies. That would actually not be  bad idea or a bad complement to law, considering all the recent changes and discussions on laws on discrimination and sexual crimes. He had seen that they had two optional courses on Women’s Law on his program, one with an international focus.

 

He noticed that he had gotten a message from Noora saying that she was not coming over tonight after all. She was stressed over her exam on political theory on Wednesday and needed to focus on studying and since she had been working a lot of the weekend she had not done much so far. He was disappointed but knew how she could get when she was stressed. She wanted to do well, be one of the best. She should just quit her job and focus on school full time, he thought. Like he was doing now.

 

### Chat with Noora

Noora: **sorry, I want to see you but I’ll just be stressed about the exam and get irritated and no fun anyway**

William: **ok, but you can study here too, I promise to not disturb you**

Noora: **we both know how that will go…**

**and then I’ll be even more stressed tomorrow...**

William: **I get it, tomorrow night then?**

Noora: **yes, if I study well today and tomorrow I’ll be more relaxed by tomorrow night**

William: **I’m having some people from my class over, but you can join us, or I’ll just kick them out when you come ;)**

Noora: **good to know**

 

…

 

Noora: **good night William**

**and I love you**

William: **that’s good**

**cause I love you too**

**good night**

 

### Chat with Noora (Tuesday 2 October, 2018)

William: **ok good morning Noora**

**I am thinking about you**

Noora: **hi <3 me too**

William: **feeling better today?**

Noora: **not much, but I am already upp studying**

William: **good luck then**

Noora: **thanx :)**

**and don’t disturb me, then it will take longer**

William: **hey, I only said good morning!**

Noora: **ok, kisses**

 

...

William: **hi beautiful!**

Noora: **hi William**

William: **is it going well?**

Noora: **yeah, I have a good flow**

**are you checking on me?**

William: **always**

Noora: **< 3**

 

### Take away sushi and wine

After classes a few of Williams classmates came over. They were celebration that they had finished the first part this semester, leaving Constitutional Law and now moving on to Public International Law and Human Rights. They had stopped on the way to buy take away sushi and some korean dishes and William had a lot of wine for the occasion, some he had gotten while in London.

 

Last week they had had representatives from both the Norwegian Organisation for Asylum Seekers NOAS and Jussbuss, the law student run organisation that offered free legal advice on individual cases, at the university to present their work and possibilities to support or do internships with them. “ **I was very impressed by their work. Can you imagine how many stories they get to hear and it must feel so meaningful to actually help, in real cases. It could mean life or death for some people** ”, one of his classmates Olivia said. William had not thought about it so much before, he either trusted the system or believed that the problem was political or social, not of a character that could not be solved through additional legal assistance anyway.

 

“ **Why did you start to study law?** ”, another classmate asked him. “ **Legal studies was always one of my options. It suits me, the analytical aspects, argumentation. It is also such a wide field, so a degree in law can be useful in many different line of work** ”, he answered a bit impersonal. He didn’t feel like he had that unique story or a moment when he decided that he wanted to study law. The truth was that before he always thought that he would go into business like his father and get really rich. So then he would take either a business degree or a law degree with focus on international business law. Lately he had started to review his choices and options. He was not so sure anymore that he wanted to become like his father. Noora was partly right, what was the point of everything? To try to uphold an image of a successful life even if you are hurting inside?

 

His father seemed successful in many people’s eyes. He was powerful, rich and normally got his way. But William cannot remember seeing him truly happy since his sister Amalie had died 12 years ago. He had been 9 years himself then and everything changed. Right after his mother had a breakdown, his father became numb and quiet and he and Nikolai got to met with a grief counselor a few times. Then the tragedy had become this big tabu that nobody talked about at home. His parents separated and escaped into new relationships. He and Nikolai were left in the care of Au Pairs for a few years until they seemed old enough to take care of themselves. He was relieved when Nikolai move to study in Stockholm and he didn’t have to see him so much anymore. Before the tragedy they did normal family activities such as skiing, summer vacations and spending time in their cabin. When he was around 15 his father had regained new interest in his son and started taking him with him on trips and holidays. About the same time they started talking about him moving to London after graduation. Things got a different turn because of Noora.

 

William liked his classmates. They were a good group that had started hanging out a lot also outside of law school. They supported each other and he enjoyed the competitiveness among them, it was good pressure to push him to perform well, get good grades and get prepared for the real world. They were much like him, came from similar backgrounds, some of them he knew a little from before. Noora’s friends were different, more mixed. He felt like he had less in common with them. Apart from maybe Jonas, he didn’t feel like he connected with any of them. He loved Noora and her friends were a big part of her life, like family, a part of the package. They seemed to enjoy his parties though, especially Eva and Isak. Free booze and nice surroundings. Living at Kollektivet with Eskild and Linn had been too much though. He didn’t enjoy debating about who should buy toilet paper or clean the house or get interrupted when he was studying or alone with Noora.

 

Some of his classmates had started to talk about going out, to a new club. William was not much in a mood and was still hoping that Noora would write and say that she was coming over when she was finished. Still no new message so the likelihood of that happening was very low at this time. He wrote to her that his guest were about to leave now and that he missed her. Everyone, except Oliva, left. She stayed and helped him clean up a bit. They brought the wine glasses to the dishwasher and the take away trash and bottles to the recycling bins. “ **Less than half a bottle white wine left. Should we just finish it?** ”, Olivia asked when brining the last bottles to the kitchen. “ **Sure, why not** ” William answered and poured it into two new white wine glasses. His soundsystem was still playing an electronic chill out playlist on non stop. He looked at her drinking and could see that she really enjoyed the good wine. She was nice and had this classic beauty, with long dark hair and eyes but rather fair skin without any freckles or marks. It made her look international, she could come from almost anywhere. She was always friendly and positive, she smiled a lot and dressed nicely, feminine and smart but not too sexy. His father would had loved her. If it wasn’t for Noora he would probably be all over her too.

 

“ **You don’t seem to be in a hurry out… or home?** ”, he asked. “ **Nope, nobody’s home waiting for me** ”, she answered with a smile. “ **You know what would be really nice with this wine? A piece of that smelly italian cheese I saw in the refrigerator earlier** ”, she said. He was surprised by her boldness “ **You’ve been through my refrigerator?** ”, he asked accusingly. “ **Yes, I love looking through people's** **refrigerators, it says so much about them** “, she answered. “ **Really? So what does mine say about me? Let’s hear now?** ”, he asked curiously. “ **Well you have good taste, you care about quality and the environment. And i suspect that you don’t cook all that much but mostly buy take away** ”, she explained. “ **I’m impressed. Go get the cheese, you deserve it. I think I have some crackers or hard rye bread to go with it** ”, he said.

 

“ **So why did you start to study law?** ”, he asked her while they were enjoying the wine and cheese. “ **Oh, it will sound so cliché, but I want to help people, you know work for a better and more just society** ”, she said. “ **No, it doesn’t sound cliché if you mean it. Doing better can be good motivation** ”, he said and noticed that she beamed back at him a bit shyly. He wondered why he had not really noticed her before.

They continued talking, eating, drinking and she showed no signs of leaving any time soon. He enjoyed her company, it was pleasant, uncomplicated and no conflicts. His mind started wandering and thought about what it would be like being together with her instead of Noora. He checked his phone again. Still no answer. Noora was probably still busy studying or she had fallen asleep. Olivia noticed it and asked “ **Are you expecting someone?** ”. “ **No, I guess not** ”, he answered. She had noticed his disappointment and caressed his arm in a comforting way. “ **Your girlfriend?** ” she asked. “ **It’s complicated** ”, he started but did not want to go into it more.

 

“ **Have you already decided on a focus or specialisation? Future career?** ”, he asked to change subject. Off course she had, in detail, she was the type that planned her life. “ **I think working as a prosecutor would be exciting. I mean, let’s face it, working as a defence lawyer means that you 90% of cases have to help people who actually did something criminal to get away with as much as possible. If a case goes to court, it’s because there are evidence, hopefully enough evidence** ”, she answered. He was surprised and impressed, no softy on criminals here. “ **But I think the competition is quite tough** ”, she added. “ **You’re smart enough I am sure. And ambitious enough** ”, he answered. He meant it, he was not just flattering her. She had been the brain behind their last group work, so he had seen her in action. “ **I don’t know. And you probably need more than brains, contacts and fair amount of luck and good timing. Unless you want to end up in a district in North of Norway** ”, she answered humbly.

  
“ **Eh, hi** ”, they got interrupted and saw Noora standing in the hallway with a bag. William had no idea how long she had been standing there, he had not heard the door open due to the music.


	6. POV Noora : Fate or choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments, I’ve read them all. I am still amazed that there are actual people out there reading and caring about my nerdy SKAM stories :)  
> Sorry that I have not answered all of you. Normally I love to discuss and twist and turn on the details and interpretations of SKAM but right now I am still recovering from a seemingly rather complicated concussion (limited computer and concentration time) and I don’t have the energy for it (especially not if I feel like it will take more than one line and likely lead to more discussion). I have decided to put my energy on finishing the story instead (and be with my kids) and let the story just speak for itself sometimes. But continue commenting, I'll read it even if I don't answer or go into discussions.  
> Anyway I wrote the last chapter, on paper, this weekend, only had an idea of the ending before. So now I “only” need to fill in some gaps, digitalise it, edit it until I am satisfied with it and then post it. I enjoy the writing process a lot, I normally try out a few different (sometimes crazy) scenarios and chose the one I find most realistic or most interesting.

### (Tuesday 2 October, 2018)

“ **Eh, hi** ”, Noora said, watching them from the hallway. She was surprised William had company, had he not said that his friends were about to leave almost two hours ago? Still here he was, playing soft ambiental music, drinking wine with a young good looking woman. He seemed surprised to see her and said, “ **Noora! Hi. You came** ”. He walked over and kissed her on the cheek. She thought his friend seemed a bit uncomfortable by the situation. “ **You remember my classmate Olivia, right?** ”, he added and made a nod towards her. “ **Yeah, sure** ”, she said shortly. They had met at William’s housewarming party and she had seen her a few other times too but never really talked to her. “ **Hi. I guess I should be going home** ”, Olivia said and started to get ready to leave. William walked her to door and let her out and said they’d see each other the next day. He offered to call her a taxi, but she declined.

 

Then he went back to Noora who was still standing on the same spot immobile. “ **I’ve missed you** ”, he said like everything was as usual. “ **It’s not been that long. We were together on Friday. Saturday morning even** ”, she protested. She started to wonder what would had happened if she would not had come over tonight, or if they would be apart for a week or more. It irritated her, because it was a catch 22. If she would say something about it, she would appear jealous and paranoid. If she would not say anything it would be accepting that it was totally ok that he brought home other women for a late night intimate wine tasting. She decided to do like him, and pretended that everything was as usual. In the end, he had not done anything. He had not actually cheated on her. Not that she knew of at least, and she had no reason to suspect it.

 

They started to get ready for bed, brushing their teeth together, glancing at each other in the mirror. William was sweet to her, but hard to read and felt a bit distant. She felt like she needed to feel that he was hers tonight. She stopped brushing her teeth, put away the toothbrush and tried to keep his eyes in the mirror. He would get the message. William stopped, with his toothbrush still in his mouth and looked at her for a moment. He put away his toothbrush and embraced her from behind. His nose was tickling her ear and it seemed like he had shut his eyes. She too tired to relax, to surrender and be in the moment. He was her man, they belonged together, she told herself.

 

They made love that night. It was good. But she lacked their usual connection. It was probably her own fault, she thought. She had been distracted, focusing too much on hiding her own desperation and trying to be the woman she thought that he wanted. She cursed her own insecurity. After all they had been through, she should not feel this way.

 

She kept lying awake in bed thinking. Maybe she and William were not good for each other after all. That thought had stroke her more than once before. Maybe they would both be happier with someone else. Did they belong together? Really belong together. That was such a strong concept, the whole soulmate idea. She normally did not believe in fate, at least not like Sana. But maybe there had been a bigger purpose for her meeting William, and him meeting her? And maybe it was to wake each other up, open the other up for the possibility of love, to be intimate. Not necessary to live happily together ever after. She normally did not believe in fate, but more in choice and timing. But what was the right choice here? And why did it have to be so hard? Those were the thoughts spinning in her head until she fell asleep.

 

### (Wednesday 3 October, 2018)

The next morning William had classes rather early so they didn’t talk much. She went up and sat down on one of the bar chair by the kitchen island in her pyjama. William made her a cappuccino and placed it in front of her, before he continued his morning routines. She watched him getting ready to go and pulled her legs up like a little bird. William past by again and put a blanket around her. “ **You seemed cold** ”, he said. She smiled at him affectionately and answered “ **I am always a bit cold** ”. “ **I know. I think I’ll get you one of those knitted one-pieces for christmas** ”, he said with a mischievous smile, that made her unsure if he was joking or not. “ **If you do that, I’ll get you one as well and we can be this pathetic couple wearing matching outfits** ”, she answered. He laughed at it, “ **That’s a deal! We’ll be the sexiest pair on the block** ”, he answered and gave her a quick kiss before he left. She felt a bit better than last night now.

 

Her exam was right after lunch. There was no point trying to study anymore political theory now. She’d better just relax, try to get into a good, focused state of mind and make sure she ate a healthy lunch that would not make her stomach bloat. She knew John Locke’s social contract and John Rawls and Robert Nozick’s concepts of justice by heart now. Together with Jonas and two other classmates she had looked at old exams and discussed the structure and questions. She should be prepared and had no reason to be nervous, she told herself. Still this was her first exam at the University, so she had no idea what was expected from her. The exams had few questions, three or maybe four, but they were given four hours to elaborate on their answers. How much was enough to write?  One page with smart punchline arguments or ten pages with many examples?

 

She tried not to think about the scene from last night with William and Olivia chatting carefree and drinking wine. Nothing had happened and nothing would happen. She knew deep down inside that she could trust William. If he would cheat, it would not be cheating, because he would not do it secretly. He would be straight with her, and break up with her first instead. She knew that. And it was not likely that he was thinking about breaking up with her now. Not the way he had been acting lately.

 

She noticed some of her books in the library. William must have taken them back with him from London. She opened Sylvia Plath’s book “The bell jar” and read a section that she had marked out.

 

“ **_I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet._ ** ”

 

She loved that section, even if it made her a little sad. In the end life was about choices, you could not think that you could have it all.

 

### Post-exam coffee

Before entering and sitting down for the exam Jonas looked at her and said “ **Good luck!** ”. She nodded and took a deep breath. After the exam Jonas was waiting for her. They had talked about having a post-exam coffee and ventilate afterwards, but she never thought he would wait for her that long. He was ready after about two hours and she sat almost all four. “ **You are still here?** ” she asked surprised. “ **Yeah. I’m studying for the next exam** ” he answered cocky and laughed, showing a book on migration politics. “ **I hate guys like you, who just waltz in and out, all confident like it is nothing. Don’t you ever get nervous?** ”, she said. He acted offended “ **So you hate me? Why? I know what I know, whether I sitt two or four hours. It won’t be that much better answer just because I re-formulate it a few times. It’s not worth the extra two hours of tension** ” he explained. “ **Hmm, I could probably learn a thing or two from that. I think I rewrote my answered on the second question three times. Not sure it got that much better either** ”, she admitted while they were walking to their usual café. “ **I’m sure your answers are more well written than mine. But I’m not sure you’ll get more point for the grammar or eloquent formulations as long as the arguments hold** ”, he added.

 

She got a tea and a biscuit, her stomach could not handle coffee right now, it needed to calm down first. She felt relieved that the exam was over. Jonas was sitting opposite her on the table drinking a flat white and eating an apple cake. “ **Can you believe it? The barista didn’t know what a flat white was! How can you even get a job as a barista without knowing that?** ”, Jonas said a bit annoyed and arrogant. She laughed at him getting upset for nothing. He was such a hipster. She liked him, he was a good friend to her now. She could really she what Eva had seen in him. And why he drove her mad sometimes. He always had to be right and everything came so easy for him.

 

“ **Jonas, do you believe in fate or choice or perhaps just pure luck?** ” she asked out of the blue. Maybe he had some interesting thoughts on it. His forehead furrowed like an old philosopher’s when he thought. “ **Well, fate and chance doesn’t necessary cancel each other out** ”, he answered. “ **What do you mean?** ” she asked. “ **I mean that even if there is a higher purpose with everything, and everybody, there are so many things that are random, out of your control. Maybe where you are born, you family, and your characteristics and natural talent is decided but not who you meet or don’t meet, if you take a left or a right turn. And you are still not a pawn on a chessboard, you don’t have to let the Universe, or God or whatever you choose to call it, push you around. If you really wants something, you should try to take control of it, of your life. Choices have consequences** ”, he explained.

Noora liked that answer. Fate and chance working side by side and you in the middle taking control of your life. “ **So true. I am no pawn!** ”, she exclaimed. He had a suspect expression on his face, like he was joking with her. “ **Did you come up with that philosophy yourself?** ”, she asked. Busted! “ **He he, no it’s from Dirk Gently** ”, he answered and looked away smiling. “ **What?** ” she wondered, she didn’t even catch what he had said. “ **Never mind. It’s probably bullshit, but an interesting thought, right?** ”, he answered. “ **So if you want to go to South America, just go to South America** ”, he added.

 

The talked about the exam a bit, but not for long. Both of them were pretty sure they had past the exam and both were hoping to be among the top students.

It hit Noora that Jonas had not asked her about Eva for a long while now. Maybe he also was moving on. “ **Did you do anything fun this weekend?** ”, she asked. “ **I was asked to DJ at an event** ”, he answered. “ **What kind of event?** ”, she asked. “ **It was beer tasting, just small local breweries. Beer is the new wine!** ”, he explained. “ **How did you get that gig?** ”, she was intrigued to know. “ **Connections** ”, he answered secretly. “ **So what did you play?** ”, she asked. “ **Some 90ies hip hop in the beginning and some 70ies funk and soul later on** ”, he answered “ **I’ll send you a link to my playlists** ”. “ **You don’t like contemporary music much, do you?** ”, she asked. “ **I do play new stuff to sometimes** ”, he defended himself.

 

### Chat with William

William: **how did the exam go?**

Noora: **good I think**

William: **are you coming over later?**

Noora: **ok, or you could come to my place tonight?**

**for once**

William: **been to your place so much...**

Noora: **no, not since you moved out**

**before that it was not “my place”, but “our place”**

William: **my bed is bigger**

Noora: **really, we are competing over size now?**

William: **yes and I win! so come over here!**

Noora: **size is not that important, my room is cozier**

William: **that can be argued against…**

**but I have nothing to gain by insulting your place**

**come over please?**

**I love you <3**

Noora: **ok**

**I love you too <3**


	7. POV Elias : Friend with an ex

### (Thursday 4 October, 2018)

Elias was driving to soccer practice. He was frustrated that his apartment hunting was not going as fast as he had wanted. He even started to look in getting a loan to buy an apartment instead of renting one. The problem was that he didn’t have the 20% needed as a downpayment and he didn’t want to ask his parents for it. He just used most of his own money to buy his car. The car had been partly a birthday present, his father promised to pay 50% if he put in the rest himself. That way he would still understand the value of the car and could afford a safer and nicer model. Elias had felt lucky when he found a beautiful grey Mercedes Hybrid in perfect condition even though it was seven years old and had done 150 000 km. Maybe it didn’t make a different, 20% of an apartment was a lot of money, so he probably could not had afforded it anyway, even if he hadn’t bought the car. Paying the rent was no problem, he had both student benefits and continued working extra on projects at his summer job.

 

…

 

After soccer practice a few of them decided to get something to eat together. Adam insisted on pizza since he had been eating too much kebab lately. “ **So who is coming with me, in the nice car?** ”, he asked, dissing Adams ride. Adam laughed at him and replied “ **You’re just jealous because you know the ladies prefers my red car. They don’t give shit about horsepowers and torque, as long as it matches their lipstick** ”. Elias shook his head, “ **Why would I care about that? I’m a one woman’s man now** ”. In the end Yousef ended up going with Elias and Mikael in Adam’s car. The sent a message to Even who would meet them at the pizzeria.

 

The pizzeria was not very crowded but some circulations with people buying take away pizza. Elias sat down at a booth by the window and and looked at a woman across the street by a bus stop. She was correcting her stockings under her skirt and had the same type of shoes that Sara bought the other day. Or at least they were very similar. It had been a strange afternoon. They were going to get something to eat and stopped to look at shoes in the display window. All of a sudden a guy that he had never seen before stopped and and started talking to Sara. She seemed happy to see him. They talked about their trip to Egypt and he mentioned going climbing with her brother soon. He totally ignored Elias at first and talked to much that it took a while before Sara got the chance to introduce him. Not much of an introduction really, just an exchange of names. It turned out that he was Sara’s ex-boyfriend.

 

Sara was two years older than Elias, so obviously she has had boyfriends before, he thought. He started wondering how many ex-boyfriends there was out there and if she was friends with all of them. Where they all older than him and all settled in their own apartments? And did she have good memories from different adventours with them all? He had seen her photos from different journeys she had made, from Egypt and Iceland mostly. He could not remember seeing any guys together with her in those photos. Just a few group photos, some of her alone, but mostly landscapes, cities and details. She had probably censured her album, taken those photos away. He started wondering how many guys she had slept with. Did he even want to know? Would it bother him if she had slept with more persons than he had? Maybe not, unless he kept running into them like this. After all she was two years older.

 

“ **Is it possible to be friends with your ex? Like good friends** ”, Elias asked out of nowhere and got everybody’s attention. “ **Sure it is. Maybe not straight after you have broken up, but if you’ve known each other for a long time it’s not so strange** ”, Adam answered. He had not expected that answer from Adam. “ **Really? So if you had a girl you wouldn’t mind her hanging out with or being really friendly with the guy she used to sleep with?** ”, he asked. Adam was the last person he thought would be cool with that. “ **Eh, ok, when you put it that way, I don’t know** ”, Adam admitted.

 

“ **I don’t know, it seems like a very adult thing to do, be close friends with your ex** ”, Mikael started. “ **I mean either you never had any real strong feelings to start with, you were mostly just friends. Or there is something dodgy going on. Like you still like the attention she gives you, the attraction** ”, he elaborated further.

 

“ **Are we talking about Sara? Is she friend with her ex?** ”, Yousef asked. “ **Yeah, we ran into her ex two days ago. They are… friendly. He invited her, or us, and her brother, to a vernissage. He’s a photographer** ”, Elias explained.

“ **Ahh, that sucks. But if he’s so fucking great, why did they break up? She’s with you now. You probably have nothing to worry about** ”, Adam remarked.

“ **I am still friends with Sonja** ”, Even added. “ **But Isak doesn’t like it much, I bet** ” Mikael added and made the others laugh. Teasing Even for Isak’s jealousy had become a recurring joke among them. They would never do it infront of Isak though. Their pizzas arrived and everybody was hungry.

 

“ **A friend of mine has this… special friendship with a girl. Nothing sexual or physical, just you know, platonic. They have a lot of the same interests, been through some similar things. Still, it could easily be misunderstood. Should he tell his girl or not?** ” Yousef asked. “ **If his girl is Sana, yes. Cause she will find out! And when she does...** ”, Even warned him. “ **It’s not me! I said it was a friend, sort of, a classmate”** Yousef protested **. “If there is nothing to tell, why say something, right?** ”.

“ **If his girl is a totally control freak I understand why he’d avoid talking about it. But it’s still risky. They always find out. Especially the control freaks** ”, Mikael added. Elias came to think about when his brother went to see _Star Wars The Last Jedi_ and made it seem like he was going to study. Jamilla was so angry when she found out. Not so much about seeing the movie, but about the dishonesty in not telling her.

 

“ **Ok, back to my problem. Should I just try and be cool with it? Go to that exhibition and smile or what?** ”, Elias wanted to know.

“ **Your problem has no answer. People are different. Jealousy for different reasons is a natural reaction when you want to be the only one. Which you do. But the past is the past, you can’t change it. The only thing that matters is the future** ”, Even tried to explain.

“ **Until you run into the past down town and he is a complete arrogant ass with a great apartment and has gone with her on her life’s greatest trip to Egypt. So it would take a trip Africa and a fancy apartment to compete with this guy?** ”, Elias complained in one breath frustrated. He really hated that guy now.

“ **Why even compete at all? She is with you now. Just, stay calm** ”, Mikael said. “ **You probably have a nicer car and bigger dick than him. Think positive** ” Adam added and laughed. Elias glared at him, Adam just had to bring up that up. Now he would obsess about that too.

 

“ **If you’re meant to be, you’re meant to be. Then her ex cannot screw it up** ”, Yousef added. “ **No, but you can still screw it up yourself. By obsessing about her ex. Don’t. Just stop** ”, Even added. Even was right, he should just leave it and chill. Just be himself, the guy she seemed to like. He wrote a message to Sara to see if she wanted him to come over. She was finishing her shift in the restaurant soon. She said yes so he warned his mother that he was not coming home tonight. He knew that his mother disliked it, that she thought him sleeping there was disrespectful and wrong, but she hated it even more if he didn’t tell her where he was in the night.

 

…

 

Elias had gotten a key and let himself into the small apartment and put some music on. While waiting he checked his emails to see if he had any response from the landlords he had contacted about an apartment. No replies. He looked at the photographs from Egypt and Iceland that Sara had on the wall. They were really beautiful so he wondered if she had taken them herself or if her ex had taken them. Did she think about him when she looked at them? Had he been with her on Iceland also? Or had she been there with another guy?

 

It would not had bothered him so much if her ex had seemed like a total loser. If it would had been obvious why she had chosen to be with him instead of the ex. But no, off course her ex had to be talented and he also apparently had a really nice apartment. He had mentioned it, in detail, because he was looking going to sublet it when he went abroad for six months. Sara had suggested that Elias could rent it but he answered that he was looking for something more long term. No way he wanted to live there.

 

When Sara came home she was tired from being on her feet and waiting tables all day. Elias was just chilling in her small sofa and felt sorry for her. “ **Do you want a backrub? Or foot massage?** ”, he asked. “ **Yes, please. Both!** ”, she answered. She sat down on the carpet in front of him and he pulled her hair to the side in order to massage her shoulders and back. She was very tense and exhaled slowly and loudly. He complained a bit about it being so difficult getting an apartment in Oslo. “ **Well what did you expect? You have only been trying for two months. There is a shortage of apartments, especially for small and cheap ones. It took me over two years to get this one. First I rented a room, then a place just temporary** ”, she explained. He felt a bit like a whining kid who did not know how the world worked.

 

They changed place so that he could massage her feet. She looked down on him a bit thoughtful. “ **You could move in here, with me** ”, she suggested tentative. He stopped and looked up surprised. “ **Really? You would want me to move in here? You’re not just saying that because I am rubbing your feet now?** ”, he asked raising an eyebrow. “ **Well you sleep here a lot anyway so you might as well start paying rent. In other kind than foot massages** ”, she answered laughing.

“ **You are serious?** ”, he asked again. “ **Yeah. Why are you so sceptical? We are good together, are we not?** ”, she wanted to know. “ **Yes, but it’s just a big step. We have only been together for four months** ”, he said. “ **Three months** ”, she corrected him. “ **But if you’re not ready baby boy, I get that. No big deal** ”, she added. “ **Baby boy?** ”, he said shaking his head. “ **I have not said no** ”, he added. He wondered why he had not thought of it before. It was small but cozy. It was very much her place, not much space for him, but maybe that could be arranged. He liked the location, close to the center and to home but not too close. He already knew what his mother would say, but he tried to ignore that thought.

“ **Have you ever lived with someone before? Like a boyfriend?** ”, he asked. “ **Nope, new territory** ”, she answered smiling. That made him really happy. He would be the first. “ **Ok, let’s do this** ”, he answered with a wide grin.

 

### Group chat

Adam: **btw does friends with benefits ever work?**

Mikael: **wouldn’t know**

**but I guess somebody normally get hurt**

**if you wanna know if fiances without benefits works, you know who to ask**

Yousef: **ha ha, you’re such a funny guy**

Even: **I agree with Mikael**

**few men can master the art of fwb**

**even fewer women**

Elias: **it’s utopian**

**are you back with Isabel?**

Adam: **no. never mind**


	8. POV Sana : Not a doctor

### (Monday 8 October, 2018)

Sana was sitting with Isak at the Medical library comparing notes and talking about a coming exam. The library had a perfect balance between calm and activity, between silence and discussions at a reasonable level. Sitting there made Sana feel connected to all the other future doctors in the building. They were just about to leave for a lunch break when Isak said, “ **Sana, don’t turn and look, but I think a to your right is checking you out. Or he could be checking me out. He is kinda hot too** ”. Sana sighed, “ **Where? And why do you tell me I can’t look? Maybe it’s somebody I know** ”. “ **He’s coming our way now** ”, Isak warned her.

 

Sana turned her head and smiled seeing her brother Simo’s friend again. “ **Khalid!** ”, she exclaimed. “ **Sana! I don’t think I’ve seen you since the wedding** ”, he said and sat down by them. “ **Really nice to see you. How are you? So you’re studying medicine now? Off course you are!** ”, he added. She nodded. He remembered that she had told him that she also was set on studying medicine, she thought.

 

Isak introduced himself and seemed very curious on Sana’s friend. “ **Isak, is my classmate, since when we went to Nissen** ”, she explained. Khalid nodded at him but seemed more set on Sana. “ **So how are things? Everything ok with your family?** ”, he asked. Sana nodded, “ **Yes, everything is fine. Not much new, I still live at home and so does Elias. And you know Simon and Jamilla are in Copenhagen** ”, she told him. “ **And you recently got engaged** ”, Isak added. Sana wondered why she had forgotten to say that and started fiddling with her ring.

 

“ **Engaged? Congratulation! Is it anyone I might know?** ”, Khalid asked. “ **Yes, do you remember Elias friend Yousef?** ”, Sana asked and felt a bit shy but she could not understand why. “ **Yousef Acar? Isn’t he a bit young?** ”, Khalid asked. Sana dropped her jaw, and did at first not know what to answer. If Yousef was young, than she was young, and yes, they were both young, but so were Simo and Jamilla when they got married. Isak was amused and not making the situation any better trying to keep from laughing. “ **Yousef is older than me, he is 21** ”, Sana answered a little embarrassed.

Khalid seemed confused at first and then stuttered, “ **Wait now? Is Elias older than you? I always thought... since you and Jamilla used to hang out all the time, I thought you were the older** ”, Khalid explained. “ **Eh no, I am the youngest. I’ll be 19 in december** ”, she explained. “ **My bad. Sorry. Really I haven’t seen Elias or Yousef in maybe four years. A lot of things can happen in four years** ”, he explained.

 

Khalid leaned back on his chair and looked at her. “ **So 19? You just started studying medicine then?** ”, he asked. Sana nodded. His attention made her both uncomfortable and flattered. “ **You are in what year?** ”, she asked. “ **I am on my fifth year. So I am starting to see the light in end of the tunnel** ”, Khalid answered. “ **Have you decided on a specialisation yet?** ”, Isak asked, seeing and opening to get included in the conversation. “ **I am thinking mostly about neurology** ”, Khalid answered. Then he turned to Sana again “ **Listen I think I still have some old course books if you are interested** ”. Sana got happy, the books cost a fortune and they were always either occupied or missing at the library. “ **Yes, that would be great** ”, she answered gratefully. “ **So, I find you where? On facebook, Insta, Snapchat?** ”, he asked. “ **Facebook is easiest, you know my name, I am laying low on insta for now** ”, she answered. “ **Ok, I’ll check at home and see you around then** ”, he said and left them.

 

Running into Khalid like this should not be surprising to her. She knew he was studying medicine in Oslo. So much time had past since she saw him last and she felt a bit overwhelmed. He had always been nice to her when she was younger. She had not been in love with him or anything, it had just been a small crush. She had been the little sister who got to hang out with them sometimes. Now things were different, she was different. She was a grown up woman studying medicine, like everybody else in the library. After Simo had moved away from home she had not seen Khalid, apart from on Simo and Jamillas wedding off course. Khalid had been all dressed up and looking so good that Sana almost didn’t dare to talk to him. The wedding had been a strange day for her. Mostly because things had still been sour between her and Jamilla.

Isak interrupted her thoughts reminding her that they were meeting Noora and Jonas for lunch.

 

### (Tuesday 9 October, 2018)

Eva’s kitchen was full of music and activity. They were making a feta cheese pie from a recipe that Eva had found in a magazine. Sana was making the sallad. “The miseducation of Lauryn Hill” was playing on the stereo and Eva was singing along now and then. Sana had missed hanging out the three of them. With medical school, basketball games and Yousef there just had not been much time. She managed to meet Noora every week, for a coffee or lunch in between classes, but it must have been two weeks since she saw Eva.

 

Eva turned to Sana and said, “ **It feels like I haven't seen you in ages! How are things going?** ”. Sana shrugged, “ **Everything is ok. Busy with school. You?** ”. Eva nodded. “ **Yeah, I am busy at the kindergarten. When did we become this grown up?** ”.

Then she started singing “ **_It could all be simple but you'd rather make it hard. Loving you is like a battle we both end up scarred. Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity. No one loves you more than me and no one ever will_ ** ”. She seemed to be in a happy place. Sana sliced another tomato and some red onions for the sallad. “ **Everything’s ok with Yousef?** ”, Eva asked. “ **Yeah. He is busy and so am I so I don’t see him every day. But yes, he seems fine** ”, she answered.

 

“ **Oh, according to Isak Sana has an admire. A good looking doctor, that’s friend with her brother** ”, Noora gossiped to Eva and teased Sana. “ **With Elias? Then he probably knows Yousef too?** ”, Eva wondered. “ **No her other, older brother. And the guy looked so disappointed when he heard that she was engaged and he totally dissed Yousef saying he seemed too young for her** ”, Noora continued. Sana stopped and stared at both of them. They were talking about her as if she was not even there. Seriously, nobody gossiped about her like that. But they just continued like nothing, ignoring her annoyed gaze.

“ **When was this?** ”, Eva asked turning to both Noora and Sana. Sana started protesting “ **You can’t listen to anything Isak says, he always gets things wrong. Give him a feather and he’ll turn it into a chicken. Do you remember when he implied to Jonas that you were pregnant?** “. She hoped that she had made her point clare enough. ” **Anyway, it was not like that at all. He was not flirty, and he is still a student. He is not a doctor! Not yet** ”.

“ **Isak said that Sana blushed** ”, Noora continued and made Eva smile. “ **Why is this even funny?** ” Sana said stoistic. “ **No reason. But you are blushing a bit now too** ”, Eva informed her. “ **I’m with Yousef. We are getting married. This guy is just a friend of my brother. There is nothing interesting here** ”, she stated very clearly. “ **Ok, a friend of your brother. I got it!** ”, Eva answered but kept a sly smile on her lips while she sang “ **_Care for me, care for me, you said you'd care for me. There for me, there for me, said you'd be there for me. Cry for me, cry for me, you said you'd die for me! Give to me, give to me, why won't you live for me?_ ** “. What was up with Eva these days, Sana thought.

 

Sana looked at Noora inquiring but Noora just made a strange face and started. “ **And…** **Eva has a secret loverboy. Who might be famous according to Eskild** ”. Eva blared at her surprised with her jaw dropped. “ **Noora, since when did you become… like the new queen of gossip!** ”, Eva exclaimed. Sana had to laugh. “ **Your turn to be investigated. Well, is it true? Who is this guy?** ”, she asked genuinely interested.

“ **That is the interesting thing. She doesn’t want to say who it is** ”, Noora complained, and added to the mystique. “ **What do you mean? You are keeping it a secret. even to us?** ”, Sana asked sceptical and immediately got suspicious.

“ **It’s not official. And we said we wouldn’t tell people** ”, Eva tried to explain. That sounded like trouble according to Sana. “ **Is he married?** ”, she asked Eva. “ **No! He is not married. Oh my God, Sana!** ”, Eva answered shocked. “ **How can you be sure? Or maybe he has a girlfriend that he is not telling you about. If he wants to keep it secret there is something that’s not right** ” Sana continued. Eva calmed down and explained, “ **He is not married. And maybe it was only a one time thing anyway. He is too busy to have a girlfriend. And I was the one who suggested to not tell people** ”. Sana was not convinced and showed it. “ **Still it is strange to not even tell your friends. If I’d be sleeping with some guy, I would tell you!** ”, Sana tried to argue. “ **No, you wouldn’t. You are the most private person I know! It took months before you even admitted to us that you liked Yousef!** ”, Eva contradicted her. She had a point, Sana liked to keep her private life private. “ **Ok, if I’d be the type of girl who would have a secret lover, I would still tell you** ”, she tried to argue. Eva shook her head doubtfully. “ **Fine, keep your married lover a secret** ”, Sana said and through some sallad on her trying to provoke her. “ **He is not married!** ”, Eva protested laughing at idea.

 

The pie was ready in the oven and they sat down by the table to eat. “ **Talking about, you know,** **_the other woman_ ** ”, Noora started and got their attention. “ **The other day I came home to William very late, and he was not expecting me. He had some classmates over and when I can he was alone with one, Olivia, drinking wine, listening to soft music, talking, laughing** ”, Noora told them. “ **Seriously, what is that all about? Am I being paranoid here? I trust William, they are friends. But why didn’t she leave when his other classmates left?** ”, Noora wanted to know.

“ **Well the real question is why didn’t William kick her out?** ”, Sana asked. “ **You are not in a relationship with her? She has no obligations to you** ”, she explained further.

“ **Just for the record, I am not sleeping with a guy who has a girlfriend or wife. I am not** **_the other woman_ ** **. Believe me, I hated the woman my dad cheated with when I was a kid. And all the drama with Ingrid and Jonas, I hated myself. So I am never going down that path again!** ”, Eva assured them. Sana and Noora nodded at her and then continued the ongoing discussion about William.

“ **She knows that I exist** ”, Noora claimed. “ **You don’t know what this Olivia girl knows or does not know. Maybe she is like Eva, in total denial** ”, Sana continued to make Eva crazy again on purpose and laughed a little. “ **I am being paranoid, right? They are just friends. A guy and a girl can be good friends. It’s like you are sexually attracted to all men just because you are hetrosexual** ”, Noora stated.

“ **If Yousef would be alone with a classmate in his apartment, late at night, soft music, wine or no wine, he’d be sorry when I found out** ”, Sana declared.

“ **Even if they are just friends?** ”, Noora asked. “ **They can be friends in the day, somewhere else, among people! Seriously, why even risk that somebody would misunderstand it, see them, it wouldn’t look good** ”, Sana answered. “ **So it’s how it would seem that worried you? Not what they might do? Isn’t that a bit of social control?** ”, Noora remarked.

“ **It goes together. Social control can be good. Do you know how many things are prevented because people care what other people might think or the risk of getting caught?** ”, Sana argued. “ **Besides if you want to be sure people know that William is** **_taken_ ** **, you have to make a stand. Just put a ring on it, or get a matching tattoo. Or just get it over it and move in with him already** ”, Sana continued.

 

Noora sighed heavily, it was obviously not the answer she was hoping for. Eva started singing “ **_If you like it then you should have put a ring on it_ ** ”, but she she seemed more distracted by her phone than involved in the discussion. “ **Who are you writing? Is it him?** ”, Sana asked. “ **What? Maybe. It’s private** ”, Eva answered secretly.

“ **So, I should... talk to William about it? And seem like a jealous, paranoid, crazy, controlling woman** ”, Noora complained. “ **Yes! If you haven't already said something, you should** ”, Sana insisted and then turned to Eva. “ **So it was not a one time thing then? Is he coming over?** ”, she asked. “ **We are just chatting** ”, Eva excused herself. “ **Maybe he’ll be over. Later** ”, she admitted after receiving a new message. Sana exchanged looks with Noora. Something was off. Eva was not a secretive person. Unless it was something she wanted to hide because she was ashamed of it. Like it had been with Ingrid and Jonas.

 

Noora turned to Eva and started talking with her most moderly voice, “ **Eva, you are not doing anything stupid, or something you will regret now, are you?** ”, she asked. Eva looked up from her phone confused. “ **Are you in love?** ” Sana asked worried. She wasn’t sure if a yes or a no would be worse. She didn’t trust this man that she knew nothing about, who wanted to keep their connection a secret. Eva looked at her, then at Noora and then back at Sana. “ **No. In love? No. Maybe a little, but it’s not serious, it’s just fun. I promise you, he is not a psycho!** ”, she answered. Sana was not convinced. She cared about Eva and this story gave her the creeps.

 

She also worried about Noora having problems with William. Again. She didn’t like him at first, but once she understood how strongly Noora felt for him, she had always shipped them. Sure they had their share of problems, but avoiding to talk about things was never the solution. Like this Olivia-business. They should just talk about it.


	9. POV Eva : Birthday sex

### Chat with Adam (Tuesday 9 October, 2018)

Eva: **do you like Lauryn Hill?**

Adam: **? sure, why?**

Eva: **“he was the ocean and I was the sand”**

Adam: **wow** **:D**

**now I do obviously!**

Eva: **;)**

Adam: **seriously, let’s meet again soon**

**tonight maybe?**

Eva: **ok. but later, Noora and Sana are here now**

Adam: **sure, I am busy now anyway**

**let me know how long they stay**

Eva: **ok, I will**

Adam: **after midnight it’s my birthday so you better be nice to me ;)**

Eva: **I am always nice!**

Adam: **true**

 

…

 

Eva was only partly following the discussion and contributed with a comment now and then. Noora’s voice would get a higher pitch when she did not want to agree and Sana would start speaking faster, as if more words per second would make all the difference convincing her.

The prospect of Adam coming over later made Eva feel tingly and mischievous, like they were doing something forbidden. She enjoyed the secrecy, that it only belonged to her. Even Isak had asked her about it in a message. Apparently Eskild had mentioned something to him. They could believe whatever they wanted, build up their own story around it, if that amused them. She didn’t care. She didn’t even care if Jonas would hear something. She had moved on. She had her very own uncomplicated lover who was coming over later tonight.

 

“ **Eva, you are not doing anything stupid, or something you will regret now, are you?** ”, Noora asked her sounding worried. Followed by Sana’s question, “ **Are you in love?** ”. When did everybody become so goddam serious about everything, Eva wondered. She was just having a little adventure. Didn’t they trust her at all? Why would she be with someone who was taken or a psychopath? Eva looked at Sana, then at Noora and back at Sana. “ **No. In love? No. Maybe a little, but it’s not serious, it’s just fun. I promise you, he is not a psycho!** ”, she answered reassuring. They did not look convinced. It annoyed her. Somewhere they knew that she would probably tell them all about it eventually. When the timing was right. When it was all over and just a story to tell.

 

“ **Why are there so few female rappers?** ”, she asked instead, deciding to change the subject. She remember the evening with Adam, where there had been totally eight young guys, including Adam, and only one girl on the stage. And his comment on that his little groupies might actually be future MCs. “ **It’s like with a lot of things, women were not involved or not included when hip hop was in its cradle and it’s been part of the culture ever since** ”, Sana argued. “ **Female rappers and artists are more sexualised also, so I assume some just gets tired of it and leave it. Like Lauryn Hill. She was great and successful but got out** ”, Noora added. “ **Hmm, Lauryn Hill only made two solo albums, but I think it was the general fame that she wanted to get away from. Being recognised on the street and people wanting to use her** ”, Eva added.

 

“ **But it’s not just the music industry, it’s everywhere in our society. Women have historically had other expectations and less opportunities, so instead of wondering why there are not more women, or award winning women in film, music, science, we should look at the ones who made great accomplishments, and focus on why they made it against all odds** ”, Noora elaborated.

“ **The first person who got a second Nobel prize was a woman. Marie** **Skłodowska** **Curie, she got the Nobel in physics with her husband and another man and later alone in chemistry** ”, Sana mentioned. “ **I think that for her, it was a combination of genius, very hard work and pure luck, meeting and marrying Pierre Curie when she did. They were a science power couple until he died. She took his research to a higher level and he got her all the right equipments and connections** ”.

“ **So behind every great woman there is a great man?** ”, Eva asked, remembering the saying about great men.

“ **Or another great woman** ”, Sana suggested. “ **It was Marie’s sister who helped her to Paris to start studying mathematics and physics at Sorbonne. Women were not welcome at the Universities in Polen at that time** ”. Eva and Noora looked at her impressed. “ **What? I just read an article about** **Marie** **Skłodowska** **Curie and her life** “, Sana explained.

“ **I think women just need to fight so much harder to be noticed for their accomplishments. Not just their looks or body. And there are mostly white men in the committees too, nominating and awarding other white men, weather it is a Nobel prize committee or the Oscars or the Pulitzer Prize Board. They are probably not even doing it unconsciously, just not noticing or looking into the work of certain women. And they have fewer women on a high level to choose between** ”, Noora said. ” **I don’t know, slowly slowly it is getting a bit better. Now we have access to education at least** ”, Noora said with a weary tone.

 

The discussion went on for a while and Eva missed Chris and Vilde more by the minute. Noora and Sana had become so academic now. So serious. Having serious relationships with serious relationship problems. And on top of that fighting sexism and racism and islamophobia part time. How did a question on female rappers end up in a discussion on nobel prize and access to education? She had been up since six thirty and started to feel the tiredness getting to her. Noora must have noticed it and started taking away the dishes. Eva yawned and asked if anybody wanted some tea, mostly out of old habit. “ **It’s getting late so I think we should get going** ”, Noora answered with an amiable smile. “ **So we are not staying to inspect Eva’s loverboy?** ”, Sana asked, making Eva worried. “ **No Sana, we are not. Let the kids play alone** ”, Noora teased both of them.

 

### Chat with Adam

Eva: **I think they are leaving now**

Adam: **ok, I just need to finish a few things and then I’ll be over**

Eva: **ok**

**but I’m getting tired, I might fall asleep if you take too long**

Adam: **don’t fall asleep!**

**it’s my birthday and all!**

Eva: **ok, ok, I’ll leave the window open, just in case**

 

### (Wednesday 10 October, 2018)

Eva woke up by Adam sitting down beside her on her bed. The lights were low and the night was silent. She could even hear him breathing. She didn’t mean to fall asleep, she had just been so tired. First a whole day at the kindergarten, then having Noora and Sana over and then add two glasses of wine to that.

Adam seemed amused by the situation. “ **You really did fall asleep!** ”, he said astonished. She stretched her arms over her head and yawned, taking her time to wake up. He could wait, she felt comfortable with him and strangely enough didn’t mind him watching her. She bent her right leg so that it would slip out from underneath her cover and leaned her expose knee against his arm. He looked at it, put his hand on her knee and seem unsure what she wanted him to do with it. His hand was a bit cold so she pulled her leg back under the cover.

 

She sat up and checked if he had closed the window correctly. Good boy! “ **I’ve been up since half past six and you took too long** ”, she answered a little sleepy. “ **And you have cold hands** ”, she complained. He laughed. “ **You know what you seem like now? A spoiled princess, like the one who slept on 20 mattresses and still could feel a pea** ”, he teased her. “ **I came here as fast as I could, on my birthday and all, and you are complaining about my hands being cold** ”, he continued. “ **Are you calling me a princess?** ”, she asked him, thinking it was a smooth move. “ **I’m calling you a spoiled princess** ”, he corrected her. “ **Well come over here and spoil me then** ”, she answered. “ **But you need to warm up those hands first, or I won't let you near me. I don’t care if it’s your birthday** ”, she added.

 

He stripped down to his boxers and started rubbing his hands against each other to warm them up. “ **Warm enough?** ”, he asked and caressed her cheek. “ **Hmm, maybe** ”, she answered and let him join her under the blanket.

 

…

 

Afterwards he was holding her tightly burying his face in her neck. “ **This was probably the best birthday present ever** ”, he mumbled. Lucky me then, it was not even my birthday, she thought. She was wondering if it was rude to get up and go to the toilet this soon after. She had read that it was good to pee right after sex to avoid urinary infections. But she didn’t want to get rid of his arms around her just yet, he would be leaving soon enough anyway. His right arm was underneath her body and must be falling asleep by now. She really should get up for his sake, she thought. She pushed his left arm of her to get free. He seemed annoyed, like he had been sleeping and she woke him up. “ **I need to pee** ”, she explained and he nodded and closed his eyes again.

  
When she came back he was sitting on the bed already half dressed, but still looking sleepy. “ **If I stay any longer I’ll fall asleep** ”, he explained. “ **Come here** ”, he asked her and pull her to him, placing her between his legs. “ **You’re amazing. Everything about you. And I am not just saying that because we just, you know...** ”, he said looking up at her. He seemed sincere, but she knew better than to trust anything a guy says right before or after sex. He might even mean it now, but maybe not in the long run. Still she liked sound of it. “ **Be careful, don’t go and fall in love with me now or something** ”, she warned him. He chuckled a little and said “ **Would that really be so bad? Anyway, it wouldn’t change anything. I’m still too busy and you still need to be your own** ”. She nodded. Good, they understood each other. She followed him to the door and waved him off.


	10. POV William : Not jealous

### (Wednesday 17 October, 2018)

It was late, Noora had already gone to bed. William was sitting on the sofa in the living room reading. He heard that the dishwasher the kitchen had finished its work. He should be reading course literature on Humanitarian Law but, was finishing Noora’s book “A room of one’s own” instead. It was a pretty fast read, about a hundred pages. A good read too, a feminist classic, an essay arguing on women and fiction, why there are not more famous female writers throughout history.

He recognised the message. Women were just as intelligent and talented as men but has not been given the same opportunities. As an example Virginia Woolf argued that if William Shakespeare would had a sister, named Judith, with the same characteristics and talent as her brother, she would still never had made the same accomplishments. She would simply not had been able to develop her talent because of the doors closed to women. Other things were expected from her, she would not even be sent to school. But being as spirited and adventurous as her brother, she would run off to London, instead of marrying a boring wood staple, and end up getting pregnant and commit suicide before writing or publishing anything of value. He tried to think about what it meant today, in today’s society, what doors were still closed for women or other groups of people. But he felt like his brain was too tired to make that type of analysis now. He thought of his mother, who loved Shakespeare. He had not seen her in a long time now. It also troubled him that so many of Noora’s favorite writers ended up killing themselves. Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath and now even fictional Judith Shakespeare.

 

For law school he was reading about genocide. The two elements in the legal definition of genocide and about genocidal acts. He felt like he was losing focus and should probably give up and just join Noora in bed. He leaned back in the sofa and just stared at the wall for a minute. There was a big picture that he had bought when moving in, mostly just so that the walls would not be so empty. It was a nice picture, but didn’t tell him anything. Maybe Noora had been right, maybe he needed to make the place more personal. Cosier, warmer. His mother would for sure have something of interest, that he could get if he visited her sometime.

He checked his phone and found a new message from his brother who was coming to Oslo in December. Maybe this time he should meet him for once. Just go to the movies or do something simple, things they used to enjoy doing together when they were younger. He didn’t have to decide tonight. He didn’t have to meet him either. He could chose not to.

 

Noora came out from the bedroom looking barely awake, rubbing her eyes. He loved seeing her like that, all soft in her pyjama and those ugly warm socks she had. She took a blanket that was folded on the sofa and snuggled up by his side, putting her head on his shoulder and pulling her knees to her under the blanket. “ **You are still up studying** ”, she noted. “ **Yeah, but I was just about to go and brush my teeth now** ”, he answered. “ **What are you reading?** ”, she asked. “ **Humanitarian law and genocide. You are right, men are animals** ”, he answered. “ **They used mass rape as a strategic act of genocide in both Bosnia and Rwanda** ”, he explained. She shivered and said “ **That sounds really horrible** ”. She pulled the blanket closer around her. “ **We can talk about it tomorrow, when I am more awake** ”.

 

They stay together on the sofa without talking, neither of them taking the initiative to move. The house was so still, so quiet that they could even hear the clock in the kitchen go tick tock. For a moment he thought that she had fallen asleep, but then she spoke. “ **The floor is really cold. We should get some more carpets. Like the tick type that Yousef has** ”.

William nodded. A big thick warm carpet would suit the place. “ **That could work. But bigger** ”, he answered. Noora smirked. “ **What is it with guys and size?** ”, she commented. William laughed to, “ **Well my sofa is bigger, my apartment is bigger so it only makes sense that the carpet should be bigger** ”, he continued only half serious. “ **Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything is bigger. I get it** ”, and reached up to kiss him.

“ **And I am a better kisser** ”, William added. Noora rolled her eyes. “ **I knew I never should have told you that. Now you will dislike Yousef for no reason** ”, she complained. “ **He actually is a really nice guy. Sensitive, easy to talk to** ”, she added.

“ **He can go and be sensitive and nice to somebody else** “, William muttered pretending to be hurt. He wasn’t really threatened by Yousef. But he was jealous of the sensitivity and easy to talk to skills. Noora was the only one he felt that he could talk and show real emotions to and even with her he often found it difficult. Lack of practice he assumed. There had never been much room for expressing your emotions when he grew up. The only feelings allowed was to be happy and calm. Fear, anger, sorrow was either ignored or told to control. “ **Don’t be afraid, it’s silly, there is nothing to be afraid of** ”. “ **Stop crying and show me your pretty happy face** ”. “ **Stop that screaming this moment or I’ll put you in your room. You can come out when you are a good boy again** ”. Nobody ever really wanted to know why he was afraid, sad or angry, they just wanted it to go away. He learned fast to not show any unwanted feelings, probably from how his mother handled Nikolai’s outbreaks. Even meeting the grief counselor after his sisters accident had been almost a joke. He and Nikolai fast understood what she wanted to hear, what they should say to make her satisfied, so that she would leave them alone.

 

### (Thursday 17 October, 2018)

They were both up early and in no hurry. William made two cappuccinos and Noora made oatmeal porridge with psyllium seeds and cinnamon and started reading the news on her iPad.

“ **We could go and look at some carpets later today** ”, William suggested. Noora’s new interest in the apartment made him happy and he took it as a good sign. Why wait to get that carpet. Maybe they could even find something new to put on the walls too.

“ **Ok. What time?** ”, she asked. “ **In the afternoon, around three, maybe. I have classes in the morning and I am meeting some classmates for lunch and after lunch** ”, he explained. “ **Some classmates? Olivia and them?** ”, she asked trying to sound nonchalante. It amused him. So she had been a little bit jealous after all, even though she had not mentioned it. “ **Yeah. O-li-vi-a among others** ”, he answered, articulating Olivia's name to provoke her. She looked at him unimpressed. He found it adorable, Noora being jealous and pretending not to. Nothing had happened. Olivia was just a classmate, a friend.

“ **Why do you ask? Are you jealous?** ”, he teased her. Noora denied it of course. “ **Sure you are. It’s cute. It suits you** ”, he added teasingly to make it even worse. “ **There is nothing cute with jealousy. It’s controlling, insecure and shows a lack of trust** ”, she protested vividly.

He couldn’t stop himself from smiling and though of a way to seriously meet and destroy her arguments. “ **Ok. I find it cute that you are insecure, in the sense that you don’t take me for granted. And controlling in the sense that you want to keep me** . **And when it comes to lack of trust, I can just tell you that you have nothing to worry about, and hope that you believe me** ”, he added.

He felt very pleased with his answer. He might not be the best at talking about feelings, but he sure knew how to make a convincing argument. Noora seemed a bit more at ease but she wasn’t going to give up that easy. “ **You talk like a real lawyer. Have you heard this one? How do you know if a lawyer is lying?** ”, she asked. He shook his head and she gave him the punchline, “ **His lips are moving** ”.

He pretended to laugh. “ **Funny. Extra funny now that you are the one who is lying, saying that you are not jealous** ”, he accused her. At least she didn’t deny it this time. He moved closer to her and let his finger follow the line of her hair and kissed her. Whatever have I done to deserve her, he thought.

 

“ **If you would not be together with me, would you be interested in Olivia?** ”, she asked with a small voice looking up at his face. He couldn’t tell first if she was serious or just playing with him. “ **No, because I would be too busy trying to get together with you** ”, he answered straight up. “ **Ok, but if you never met me. If I wouldn’t even exist?** ”, she changed the question.

He laughed, she was so hung up on this Olivia-thing that it was ridiculous. But who could blame her? Olivia was gorgeous, smart and nice. But she was not Noora, so nothing happened or would happen. The only thing he felt a bit guilty about from that night was mentioning to Olivia that things had been complicated with Noora. Why did he say that? Apart from living apart and occasionally not knowing where she planned to sleep in the night, things were good, in his opinion. Sure he would get worried and distracted when she was stressed out about school and life, but that was what being in a relationship was all about. To care for each other and be there when things got rough. It would be much easier if she just gave up and move in with him. Her resistance against doing so still hurt him. He could not put his finger on why not. Was because of the place, financial reasons or because she was not ready to move away from Eskild and Linn yet?

 

He pretended to consider her question seriously and answered “ **Maybe** ”. Noora stared at him offended and pulled away. “ **What? Olivia is beautiful, I am not blind. Did you want me to lie? I can lie, you know. I’m almost a lawyer! They teach us that at law school** ”, he teased her.

“ **Hmm** ”, she uttered unsatisfied and made a sullen face. William just found the whole thing silly but amusing and tried to pull her back. “ **But, wait, listen... but then I would still be a selfish, manipulating, unhappy asshole** ”, he added. She looked at him doubtfully. “ **You are just telling me what you think I want to hear now** ”, she told him.

“ **Really? Who would be strong enough to stand up to me like you did. Or care enough to do it twice? Olivia? I don’t think so** ”, he answered looking her straight in the eyes. He meant it, she had changed him, unlocked him. He could see the doubt disappear from her eyes, she was convinced this time. Finally, he thought.

“ **Now, admit that you were jealous** ”, he demanded. “ **Never!** ”, she answered smiling definitely. “ **Ok. Then admit that you want to keep me** ”, he tried. “ **Forever** ”, she answered. “ **But you already knew that** ”, she added. That made him very happy to hear. Relieved. This struggle was over. He did not win but he sure did not lose either. She seemed relaxed and went back to finishing her breakfast and reading the news on her iPad. When Noora was relaxed and happy everything in the world was right.

 

“ **Good to know that you are so cool with things. So the next time Olivia offers to help with the dishes and drink up the wine I shouldn’t ask her to leave?** ”, he asked to provoke her. “ **Well I don’t care, because I am not jealous** ”, she answered obstinate. He shook his head thinking this was so silly. “ **I’ll probably ask her to leave with the others. You know, just to avoid any misunderstanding** ”, he said. She seemed pleased with that and smiled at him.

 

### Chat with Yousef

William: **Hi Yousef**

**I need some carpets for my place and I was wondering where you got yours. Both me and Noora likes it**

Yousef: **Hi. Thanks!**

**I got it from my brother, but I can ask him**

William: **Thanks! I appreciate it**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, my last William POV ever. I will miss him, because I liked “my” William. But I’ve had enough with the negativity.
> 
> If you only want to complain, please call a friend instead and do NOT leave a comment. It just drains me.
> 
> If you don’t like my stories, my characters or my way of writing, I really don’t understand why you are wasting your time still reading. I will probably never give you what you yearn for. 
> 
> If you feel like you don’t understand what I am doing with this story check out some basic storytelling concepts like “dramaturgi”, “three dimensional characters” and “multiple POV”.


	11. POV Adam : Late night pancakes

### (Thursday 25 October, 2018)

It was Thursday after soccer practice and Adam had gone with his friends for kebab. Sana had joined them and was sharing a mixed kebab plate with Yousef. Adam watched how Yousef was feeding her french fries while she was busy typing something on her phone. He would alternate and give her one and then take one himself, she didn’t even need to look up. The third time he teased her and pulled the french fry away just when she was about to eat it. She looked up surprised at his big grin before he kissed her forehead. Confused and embarrassed she asked, “ **What was that for?** ”. “ **Nothing, I’m just playing with you** ”, he answered foolishly. “ **You think I am on my phone too much?** ”, she asked. “ **Maybe** ”, he answered. Adam found it funny, even cute, while Elias seemed annoyed shaking his head at them.

 

“ **Have you heard about Mutta’s problem?** ”, Elias asked and it resulted into a laughter. “ **Mutta doesn’t fucking have a problem! He is spoiled, living with four women. Someone should move down there and just help him out** ”, Adam added, remembering the story. Mutta had been complaining about one of the Danish girls being distracting, walking around in a very small towel when she had a shower. He couldn’t tell her about it, because she lived there first and he would be the guy telling her to cover up more in her own home. And he didn’t feel like he could talk to Chris about it either, because it could be misunderstood, like he was attracted to the Danish girl. He had thought about telling Vilde, because maybe she would actually understand him. But knowing Vilde, she might accidently make a big thing about it and end up embarrassing him.

“ **What problem?** ”, Sana asked suspect. Her question was met by a moment of awkward silence. “ **You know, to live with four girls. Occupying the bathroom and always someone on their period, he he** ”, Elias tried to answer. “ **That’s not likely. Women who live together often gets synchronized periods** ”, she informed them. “ **Sana, seriously, we are eating here!** ”, her brother complained. “ **You brought it up. So it’s only ok to talk about it in a sexist way?** ”, she responded annoyed. “ **Hey, you two. Stop** ”, Yousef intervened. It was a farce seeing the three of them interact sometimes, Adam thought and swallowed his a laugher.

 

He started thinking about Eva. He had visited her once more since his birthday and he also met her at the youth center earlier that week. “ **It’s so strange to see you in the daylight. I was starting to imagine that you were actually a vampire** ”, she had told him when he arrived. He laughed, but it was strange. It was different seeing her in the real world.

Eva had just started her internship there and was helping to prepare a serie of workshops for children in the ages 8-14 in December. She had suggested one on music and had asked if he was interested in participating. He had past by to just say hi and talk about it with Eva and her supervisor. Almost everybody who had worked there when he was 14 had left by now. Eva told him that they had difficulties finding ways to attract the older kids, especially boys in their lower teens. Hip hop might attract them. Adam had mentioned the amatoure first music video that he had made with Mikael a few years ago and promised to send her the link later.

 

Mikael and Even were caught up reading something on Mikaels phone. “ **This is so true. It’s true about most guys to** ”, Mikael commented. “ **I think most of them are. Ok, maybe not this** ”, Even added. “ **It’s like a glossary over the things women say and what it actually means** ”, he explained. Sana was sceptical, “ **Really? So we are not clear enough, like speaking a different language?** ”. “ **You tell me** ”, Even said and started reading the list out loud.

“ _I’m fine_ ” means, she is definitely not fine, but she doesn't want to talk about it. With you.

“ _We need a break_ ” means, she needs some space. So just give her two days. It is not a breakup. You cannot sleep with other women during the break.

“ _I’m not in the mood_ ” means exactly that. Don’t even try.

“ _I have a boyfriend_ ” could mean that she actually has a boyfriend or that she is afraid of how you would react if she rejected you. Giving you a fake phone number could also mean that she is afraid of the reaction on a rejection.

 

“ **Well, some guys doesn’t take no for an answer, so I understand if some women feel, you know, the need to say something else** ”, Sana defended the list. “ **Have you ever done that? Inventing a boyfriend or given a fake number?** ”, Yousef asked. “ **No, I used to say that I don’t do boyfriends or just something sassy to scare them of** ”, Sana answered.

 

“ **The first thing I did when I got Sara’s number was to call her** ”, Elias admitted, followed by some mocking comments from the others. “ **Hear me out. It was so that she would get my number too, you know. And to show that I was seriously interested. I have never gotten a fake number from a girl** ”, he defended himself.

 

### Chat with Eva

Adam: **here is the video I talked about**

Eva: **thanks!**

**how is recording going?**

Adam: **not in the studio today, just had soccer practice**

Eva: **ah, then you are exhausted already**

Adam: **you want me over? I could come over soon**

Eva: **ok :)**

Adam: **give me 30 min**

Eva: **give me 1 h**

Adam: **why?**

Eva: **I need a shower**

Adam: **for 1 hour? I could join you**

Eva: **didn’t you just have a shower?**

Adam: **I’m sure yours is nicer**

**then showering with 20 sweaty guys**

Eva: **oh, it is, I have a very nice shower**

Adam: **I’ll be there in 15 min ;)**

Eva: **ok then**

 

### Kitchen talk

“ **That was fast** ”, Eva said impressed when she opened the door. “ **I didn’t want to risk missing anything** ”, he answered waggling his eyebrows. He wasn’t sure how to greet her. Was a kiss on the cheek expected? Too European? A handshake was to formal and a passionate kiss on the mouth was out of the question. He settled with a friendly hug.

 

After the shower and some well spent time in her bed she asked him, “ **Are you hungry? I haven't eaten yet** ”. He was not hungry but he didn’t feel like leaving just yet. “ **What do you plan on having?** ”, he asked, thinking he might just join her and have something small. “ **Pancakes. Do you like pancakes?** ”, she wonder. “ **Everybody likes pancakes** ”, he answered smiling.

 

Upp in the kitchen Eva told him about Isak and Eskild making a thing about her apparently sleeping with a celebrity, trying to guess who it was. Adam was laughing his ass off. So their thing had managed to become gossip now. “ **Oh no, fuck, they will get so disappointed if they find out it’s only me** ”, he complained. “ **I know! So now you just have to get super famous, to not disappoint them** ”, Eva told him. “ **Ok, ok. I’m working on it. Shit. Too much pressure now** ”, he joked putting a hand to his heart. She laughed. God, how he liked it when she laughed, it filled the room with sunshine.

“ **Anyway, why is this so secret again?** ”, he asked. They could just be one of those undefined couples, who set their own rules. “ **It’s not secret, it’s private** ”, Eva explained. “ **And the difference is… what?** ”, he wanted to know. “ **Something secret is something you are hiding for a reason, you are ashamed or it could hurt somebody. If it’s private, it’s just because it’s nobody’s business. No guilt, no shame, nobody getting hurt** ”, she argued. “ **Hmm, I prefer private then** ”, he agreed.

 

Eva had some left over wine and offered him but he didn’t want any. He was driving anyway. “ **Do you drink?** ”, she asked him. “ **Yeah, I drink, sometimes. I am not always a very good muslim** ”, he answered. “ **But do you pray five times a day and fast and all that?** ”, she wondered seeming curiously. “ **Eh, yeh, sometimes. Some periods. Like around Ramadan, I usually try... to be better** ”, he confessed a little bothered scratching the back of his neck. Why was she asking about this? Was she checking out how muslim really he was? Why?

 

The first pancake turned out ugly but tastes good. The others were much better. Eva was showing off by flipping them in the air like Pippi Longstocking. “ **Are you trying to impress me with your pancakes skills** ”, he teased her. She laughed. “ **Yeah. Are you impressed? You should totally make a rap about this. Casual sex and late night pancakes** ”. Adam thought for a minute and then tried to come up with something.

“ **I treat my princess like royalty, but she demands no loyalty. Making late night pancakes, but leaving no heartaches. She is good to me, and there's no place I’d rather be** ”, he improvised and started laughing at his lame attempt, realising that he was stealing the rhymes from Dave and Bob Dylan. Eva either loved it and got enthusiastic or was just making fun of him. “ **When it becomes a hit, you need to remember to give me some cred for it** ”, she insisted.

 

For a moment it felt like they were more than friends just sleeping with each other. This, having pancakes, fooling around in the kitchen was what he imagined that real couple did. It made him feel confused, maybe even guilty to a certain degree.

“ **Why are you doing this? You know, just letting me come here like this. Why don’t you want something better? Something real?** ”, he asked. Eva looked at him first perplexed and then she turned the question around, “ **Why are you? I could ask you the same thing** ”.

“ **It’s not the same. I’m a guy. If I had a little sister and a little brother doing this, I would be way more worried about my sister** ”, he argued. Few guys, in his opinion, would turn down a sweet deal like this. To tumble around with a girl like Eva a little now and then without any obligations or musts. And get homemade pancakes on top of that. “ **Oh, really. You think we are that fragile?** ”, was her response. “ **Come on, you can be feminist and all but you know what I mean. There are creeps out there. And if you got pregnant it would be so much worse for you** ”, he explained. Eva protested a little annoyed. “ **I wouldn’t invite just any creep to my bed. I’m selective. And getting pregnant wouldn’t be the worse thing in the world for me. I meant it, that I’d like to be a young mother** ”. She must be crazy, he thought and started wondering how safe her birth control solution really was. Thinking about it he did not know her very well. She was impulsive and a person who seemed to do whatever she felt like.

 

“ **Don’t worry! I am not actively trying to get pregnant. I wouldn’t trick you** ”, she assured him. “ **Ok, so what are you on then? Pills?** ”, he wanted to know. “ **No, the ring** ”, she answered. “ **The ring? Like a magical ring?** ”, he asked sarcastically. “ **No, a hormonal ring** ”, she corrected him. He had no idea of what she was talking bout. She stretched her hands behind her head and took the elastic from her hair and held it between her fingers in front of him. “ **It’s about this size. Silicon, get activated by my body heat and releases just enough hormones to prevent anything from happening** ”, she explained very pedagogical. He was not sure he understood. “ **You put it where? Down there? How come it doesn’t fall out** ”, he asked, when he was really wondering why he had not noticed it. “ **Because it doesn't. It works. I’ve used it since I was 15 and never gotten pregnant** ”, she added. He nodded and decided to trust her. It seemed like she knew what she was talking about. Fifteen, he though. She had been having sex just as long as him, even if she was two years younger.

 

“ **But I really wouldn’t mind being a young mother. I have thought about it. Time passes by anyway. I want to have kids, I might as well do the whole kids thing now, or soon, when I still have a lot of energy. And then I can figure everything else out along the way. What I want to do with my life** ”, she explained and was back on the baby discussion. “ **I met so many older tired mother’s at the kindergarten** ”, she added. Adam looked at her astonished. Those mothers were probably tired for a reason, he thought. “ **You think I am crazy** ”, she stated meeting his gaze. “ **Yeah, a little. I would for sure not want kids any time soon** ”, he said, just to make it very clear.

“ **But you are looking at all of this from the wrong point of view. It could be a good thing, an inspiration. It’s a life changing experience. Many artists have made great songs about their kids. Lauryn Hill, Stevie Wonder, Eric Clapton...** ”, she started passionately. “ **Well, it was the death of Eric Clapton’s kid that inspired him, to be precise. A lot of music is inspired by struggles and suffering but I wouldn’t deliberately chase it just for inspiration** ”, he said and thought he pointed out the absurdity of her ideas.

“ **Seriously? You are comparing having a baby to struggles and suffering?** ”, she said disappointed. “ **I am so not having a baby with you** ”, she added. “ **That’s more than ok with me** ”, he agreed laughing relieved.

 

“ **Don’t get me wrong. I like kids. But it changes everything. I finally have some freedom, some money, the possibility to do what I want. Why would I want to mess with that?** ”, he explained. “ **And my brother had a baby two years ago, so I know what it would mean** ”, he added.

“ **So you’re an uncle? And you do have a brother?** ”, she asked. “ **Yes. And a sister. Both older. How about you?** ”, he asked.

“ **No. Or my dad has two sons, with his new woman in Bergen. So I guess they are my half brother. I don’t see them much, their mother doesn't like me** ”, she explained. “ **It’s mutual. I pretty much hated them both when they got together** ”, she added.

“ **How old were you?** ”, he wondered. “ **Twelve. Great timing. Just when you are starting to discover boys you find out that your dad is a cheating, lying asshole** ”, she answered sarcastically. This was new side of her that he had not seen before. Vulnerable, bitter and respectless. “ **You shouldn’t talk about your dad like that** ”, he said seriously. “ **No? Not even if it’s true?** ”, she asked surprised. “ **Especially not if it’s true. It doesn’t help to hate him** ”, he answered. He knew about hate, how it could consume you. He had found peace in his faith and his music, but it could still return like an itching eczema.

 

“ **Thanks for the pancakes. And everything** ”, he said and kissed her on the cheek when he left. It felt like a lame goodbye, but what was he to do about it.

 

### Chat with Eva (Wednesday 31 October, 2018)

Adam: **hi, what’s up**

Eva: **not much, chilling at home**

**in need a shower**

Adam: **do you want company B)**

Eva: **no, not in the mood today**

Adam: **something wrong?**

Eva: **leak week (blood!)**

Adam: **ah**

**I could come anyway**

Eva: **why?**

Adam: **to just hang out**

**I could bring bring food**

**and chocolate**

Eva: **Eh, I’m not gonna blow you**

Adam: **?What? I never asked you to!**

**whatever, I’ll leave you alone**

Eva: **my mom is home too so we’re having dinner together**

Adam: **ok**

**you’re a lousy groupie btw (joking)**

Eva: **ha ha, funny**


	12. POV Eva : Not my boyfriend

### (Thursday 8 November, 2018)

The good thing with not working at the kindergarten anymore was that Eva more easily could go out for lunch with her friends again. She had to be at the youth center about the same time as the school finished, unless they had a meeting planning and preparing activities. She already missed the small children a bit but found it exciting to be in a new place. They had even asked if I could start two weeks earlier than first decided to get her more involved in the planning of upcoming activities during the winter break. It was a good feeling for her to be requested like that, to be needed and wanted.

She saw Sana and Isak immediately when she arrived at the café and joined them at their table. A few minutes later Noora and Jonas arrived. A lot of time had past since she last saw Jonas and it was nice to see him. His hair was different, she thought. She asked how he had been doing and he told her a bit about his DJ-gigs, one coming up next weekend. They started talking about music and she asked what he thought about Stormzy, Dave and Little Simz. “ **I’m not that into grime, really. I don’t know, I think it often has such a closed and dry sound** “, he answered.

 

Jonas had to leave after twenty minutes and Eva looked at him walking away. She notice Noora sitting with her big cup in her hands watching her across the table. “ **Is it ok? I mean is it strange to hang out with Jonas again?** ”, she asked carefully. Eva shrugged and answered, “ **No. We are friends, or friendly. We are not in a conflict or anything** ”. “ **Very few people end up with the person they fall in love with at 16** ”, Sana stated as a fact. “ **What about you and Yousef?** ”, Noora asked. “ **There are exceptions** ”, Sana answered defensively. And then she added “ **Besides I was 17 when we got together** ”, as if that one year made all the difference. “ **Also most marriages ends up in divorce. But I’m sure you are the exception** ”, Noora commented just to tease her.

 

Isak had been quiet for a while, it seemed like he was about to figure something out. “ **So... your new fellow is into grime?** ”, he asked Eva with a sly smile on his face. “ **What? So I cannot discover any new music on my own, it has to be because of a new guy? Besides he is not** **_my_ ** **fellow** ”, she responded annoyed. Isak started laughing. “ **I am so gonna win this bet, Eskild does not have a chance, he doesn’t know crap about hip hop** ”, Isak outbursts victoriously. Eva stared at him. What the hell was going on? They had a bet on who could guess who she was sleeping with now? Neither Noora or Sana seemed one bit surprised. “ **I don’t even know what grime is so I’m out** ”, Noora said with her hands up.

Eva got worked up and tried to find the words to addresses this craziness. “ **So you are gambling? On who I am seeing? What the fuck, Isak? How does it even work? And also, I might never even tell you who** ”, she protested. “ **It’s very simple. Anybody who wants in can place 100 crowns on a guy. You can put as many guesses as you wish and the winner takes it all** ”, he explained.

“ **Who is in on this? Are you all in on this?** ”, Eva asked and looked at her friends around the table. “ **I haven’t placed a bet yet** ”, Sana answered. “ **And then there is Eskild, Linn, Chris and Vilde and probably Mutta** ”, Isak added. “ **Eskild has been trying hard to convince William to join too** ”, Noora informed them. Isak looked pleased and said “ **That means more money for me** ”. “ **Is Jonas in on it?** ”, Eva asked. “ **No. You know Jonas, he thought it was a stupid game. So did Even** ”, Isak answered. Eva could not believe her ears. They had even told Jonas. “ **I can’t believe this** ”, she outburst looking disappointed at her friends. “ **Come on Eva, we are bored, it’s autumn, everything is so gray** ”, Noora said to appease her. Sana had been so awfully silent and observing that Eva started to fear that she would figure out it was Adam just by looking at her.

 

Adam was coming over again tonight. After soccer practice. It had become a habit by now.

They had gotten very personal last time. Eva rarely talked about her father, more than to complain to her friends about something he had said or done. And thinking about it, it had been a bit strange when Adam had questioned why she let him come to her, implying that if she would had been his little sister, he’d be worried about her. How does that even make sense? To first he comes over to sleep with her and later he suggest that he is worried about her for letting him do so.

 

Eva was watching Sana, and wondered if she was more the type of girl Adam wanted once he decided to get serious with a girl.

 

### Pizza talk

Adam arrived with a box of pizza at the door. “ **Hello princess** ”, he said with a grin. That’s really smooth, Eva thought and let him in. She kissed him and they starting making out in the hallway, even before he had gotten the chance to take his shoes off. His hair was still wet from the shower after soccer and he smelled of that spicy cologne that she didn’t like at first but was starting to grow on her. He almost dropped the pizza and asked her to hold it while he was kicking his shoes off and hanging his jacket on a hanger. “ **My mom will be home at ten** ”, she informed him. “ **Ok. Are you hungry?** ”, he asked. “ **Very hungry** ”, she answered, took the pizza and lead the way down to her room.

 

...

 

They had the cold pizza in bed after sex. Adam was looking at her in such a strange way. She couldn’t place what was on his mind and it made her uncomfortable. “ **Seriously Eva, you deserve something better than this** ”, he finally said. What was this all about? Things had been so good and now he was starting to have second thoughts, becoming all ethical on her. How could he know what she needed or deserved? “ **It’s just strange to me, a nice girl like you** ”, he continued.

Eva sat with her legs crossed and back straight fronting him. It sounded like a compliment, but really was not. “ **Ah. It’s strange. That a nice girl like me. Turns out to actually be a bad girl** ”, she said annoyed. “ **That is not what I said. Your words** ”, he protested half laying on the side on his elbow.

 

Eva sneered, remembering something Sana had said once about muslim guys. “ **So, one day when you do feel ready to get serious you just expect to find yourself a nice muslim girl, who is still a virgin and get married?** ”, she said with contempt.

Adam got provoked. “ **Why do you ask that? If I fall in love with a girl who is muslim, it would not be a bad thing. Still it’s not like I’m expected to marry my cousin or anything. If she happens to be a virgin, I’d be honored to be her first. I could even wait for the right girl** ”, he answered.

Ha, she thought. He didn’t even deny it! Here he was, with her, just for sex, and had the guts to talk about waiting for the right girl. Eva felt how her blood started boiling inside her, but tried to keep calm. “ **Do you really think you would have anything in common with her? You obviously make very different choices, and have different values** ”, she asked, seriously doubting it.

Adam scoffed. “ **This is so typical! Why should sex and alcohol be the only thing that defines us? I could have a million other things in common with such a girl. Like music or caring for our fellow humans. I get messages all the time, from girls too, who write about how they can relate to my music, to my texts. And I don’t write about sex and alcohol** ”, he answered.

 

Eva move a bit back. What was he even saying now? That he is a deep, cultural, good guy? “ **Ok, ok, I’m sorry** ”, she said. “ **It’s just so strange to me this ideal, of being a virgin, waiting. For what? I mean, how can really know someone, love someone, that you haven't even slept with. Intimacy does not lie. You are exposed, you have to show your true self** ”, she explained. Adam did not seem convinced at all. “ **Really? Have you ever met somebody who was one person and then a completely different person in bed? You were exactly how I imagined** ”, he answered.

Eva got surprised. Now he was talking about her. Had he been imagining how she would be in bed before they did it? And was she really that predictable? “ **Really? And how is that?** ”, she wanted to know. He hesitated, like he was taken by surprise, not prepared to explain himself. “ **Eh, you are sweet... And you know what you want** ”, he managed to tell her.

“ **Yes, now I do** ”, she blurted out, thinking how nobody ever knows what they like in bed the first times. “ **What’s your point exactly?** ”, he asked. “ **I eh, I just think it is so hypocritical, when guys think it’s ok for them to sleep around and then expects to get a virgin when it’s time to get serious** ”, she indirectly accused him.

 

“ **So this is what you really think of me? Wow, there are so many errors in what you just said that I don’t know where to start** “, he started. ” **First of all, I never said that I think that it’s ok for guys to sleep around but not girls. I do it because I’m weak, immature. I hope to be a better man some day. More focused. And let me remind you that you were the one who started talking about virgins. I never said that was a criteria for me. When I do get serious I don’t care if she has been with none or a hundred guys** ”, he continued to explain.

“ **Ok, ok. I didn’t mean to offend you** ”, she said to calm him down. But she still believed that they had very different views on sex. Surely he had an ideal woman, a good girl, and she had for not slept with a hundred guys.

 

“ **So you think that I am the type of guy who sleeps around?** ”, he asked sounding insulted. Really, that surprised him. It had not taken her more than a few likes on instagram and a compliment to get him in bed. He had probably slept with more persons than she had.

“ **I’m pretty sure you're a player. That you do one night stands a stuff** ”, she explained.

“ **Have even you ever had a serious girlfriend?** ”, she wondered.

“ **I don’t know about serious. I really tried with my last girlfriend, but just learned that it was not how I want it** ”, he confessed and made her curious. “ **Why? What was so bad?** ”, she wondered. He changed position while he was preparing how to answer her.

“ **We... didn’t have very much in common really. I thought we were in love, but I think she just wanted me to do things for her, spoil her. And when things started rolling with my music last winter, she thought it was cool at first but then she got bored because I had less time and we broke up** ”, he told her scratching the back of his head. Eva was trying to understand his story. So he got together with a someone that he didn’t have much in common with, and then got surprised that it didn’t work out. Smart guy this Adam!

 

“ **You should just get together with one of your groupies. Than time for your music wouldn’t be a problem** ”, she suggested. “ **Very funny. But wait, aren’t you my number one groupie?** ”, he joked. “ **No. I’m mostly just using you** ”, she joked back.

She didn’t like where these jokes were leading. She had already gotten too interested in him, his music and projects. She needed to make sure to keep some distance. If they would get together it would be like with Jonas all over again. She would be absorbed with all of his projects, interests and not know for sure what was her own passions anymore. Did she even like grime? Apart from a few songs and some lyrics?

 

“ **It’s getting late** ”, she said, hinting that it was time for him to leave. “ **Ok. But it’s so cold outside** ”, he complained. “ **Good for you that you have a car** ”, she answered him cold. She didn’t feel sorry for him for kicking him out in the cold, she had been more than kind to him tonight. If she would let him stay much longer it would start to feel like a real relationship, and he was not her boyfriend. “ **Come on, get up, get out** ”, she said and pushed him a little out of bed.

 

### Group chat (Friday 9 November, 2018)

Vilde: **Guess what! We are coming home soon :)**

Eva: **Yey!**

Sana: **What? For real?**

Chris: **Only for a week**

**they wanted us to work on christmas and new year**

Noora: **:( not enough time**

Chris: **But we plan to have a party at my place**

**Saturday nov 17**

**It will be epic!!!!**

Eva: **Yey! Goddamn I’ve missed you!**

Chris: **it’s because Mutta had a birthday here and I have mine in January so...**

Eva: **We all desperately need a party!**

Chris: **from what I’ve heard you are having a party in your panties regularly these days**

Vilde: **Eva, is it Arif or Unge Ferrari?**

Sana: **You can’t ask her! It’s cheating**

Noora: **I think someone already put a bet on those two Vilde, you are too late**

Eva: **you are all crazy!**

Vilde: **Ok, Jonas Benyoub? Did anybody put a bet on him yet?**

Chris: **Yes Vilde, Mutta did**

Eva: **Fuckin gamblers! I’ll never tell you anyway**


	13. POV Sana : What happened yesterday?

### (Friday 16 November, 2018)

Sana was having a post lecture coffee with Isak at a café close to the Faculty of Medicine.

She noticed Khalid across the room. He had already seen her and came over and said hi to them. She had run into him a few times now. He told her, and Isak, about a research seminar coming up entitled  " _The challenges of discovering new antibiotics_ " at Oslo University Hospital. “ **I’m planning on going, so if you want to join me just let me know** ”, he added casually. “ **Maybe, I’ll check my calendar and think about it** ”, Sana answered. Khalid had been nice to her, letting her borrow his old course literature, inviting her to these type of events. Two weeks ago she had gone with him to another seminar, “ _The ecology and evolution of infectious diseases_ ” at the Department of Bioscience. It was nice of him and she did like spending time with him, he was funny, smart and had studied medicine much longer than her. But she still couldn’t shake the feeling that it was a little bit like a nerdy date. Sure, they were future colleagues, it made sense to do things like this together, but she was not fully comfortable with it.

 

She asked Isak, if he also wanted go too. Last time he couldn’t come because he had other plans. “ **Why? Are you afraid to go alone with Khalid?** ”, he teased her. Sana got irritated, because he was not completely wrong. “ **I am not afraid, but… and maybe this sounds silly, but in Islam there is a saying that a woman and a man is never alone because Shaytaan, the tempter, is always there too. I just think going with him alone is not a good idea, it could send the wrong signals** ”, Sana tried to explain. It was honest, but part of her wished she would have a suitable sassy reply at hand instead.

“ **But you meet guys alone all the time. You and I meet alone? And you meet Yousef alone sometimes, even if you are not married yet?** ”, Isak argued. Sana gave him a annoyed look. Being alone with Isak was not the same thing at all. Yousef was her fiance, they were almost married, and they met alone extremely seldom.

Isak dropped his sly smile and said to her surprise, “ **Luther once said that you cannot stop the birds from flying over your head, but you can stop them from building a nest in hair. About sinful thoughts** ”. He was the last guy she expected would come with a religious quotes.

“ **You didn’t expect that, me quoting Luther? My mom sends me bible texts and other religious stuff now and then. Anyway, I think you and Islam and Luther might actually have a point for once. Why make things complicated, right? If you are not comfortable with it, follow that instinct** ”, Isak added. “ **And I’ll go with you, if I can** ”, he added.

 

### United again

Sana started walking to Yousef’s apartment and thought about the week that had past. Vilde, Chris and Mutta had arrived all together on Monday and were staying exactly one week, flying back to Las Palmas the next Monday. One week is not much time considering that they wanted to meet with both family and friends to compensate for being away over Christmas and new year. Vilde had promised to go to her grandmother in Stavanger for two day. Chris was spending Friday with her extended family and had plans on meeting Muttas parents and siblings for the first time on Wednesday. She was freaking out about it a little, making jokes about possible awkward meet the parents scenarios.

 

They united all five on Tuesday to just hang out and talk at Eva’s place. Like in the old days. Vilde updated them about how things were going with Sofia and bragged about that fact that she had finally overcome her fear and gone scuba diving. “ **It is so beautiful under the sea. A whole new world with just light and beauty and peace** ”, she described it. “ **Vilde has practically move in with Sofia, I never see her nowadays** ”, Chris was joking. “ **That’s not true. I live with you and the others. It’s just some weeks I sleep there a lot** ”, Vilde corrected her. “ **Where do you keep your toothbrush?** ”, Eva asked and decided to go to the bottom with this. “ **I have two. One in each place** ”, Vilde answered. “ **Ok, what about cloths? Where do you keep most of you panties** **!** ”, Eva tried again. Vilde laughed. “ **You think so hetero. If I need new underwear or clothes, I can always borrow from Sofia. But I have promised to ask first. We had a fight about it. Our first real couples fight!** ”, she added proudly as if it was a triumph.

 

Noora was happy because things had been so good with William lately and they were planning a weekend at his mother's cabin in Åsgårdstrand. “ **Or it is not really a cabin, more like a vacation house. It has this seaside atmosphere, just by the waterfront of Oslo fjord. And the village is super cozy too. We should go there all together some day** ”, Noora suggested. It did sound nice, to get away like that, Sana thought.

“ **But it still irritates me that I got jealous about Olivia. They are just friends. If it would had been a guy, like an** **_Oliver_ ** **, it would not had bothered me at all** ”, Noora reasoned.

“ **Well, you never know. You can get jealous of male friends too. If they spend a lot of time together and have this deep understanding that you don’t get. And Elias is still jealous of me for stealing Yousef away from him. It does not have to do with sex or romance** ”, Sana commented.

“ **But are you ever jealous when Yousef want to be with of Elias or his friends?** ”, Noora wondered. Sana wasn’t even sure. She felt like she got to be with Yousef enough, not like she was competing with his friends to get his attention, even if they were very tight as a group. “ **Rarely. I don’t want to do what they do together anyway. And I feel like he still chooses me over them** ”, she answered.

 

It just hit her that tonight he had chosen to be with her instead of the guys, even though Mutta was only home for a week. It was just because it felt like they had not done anything just the two of them in a long while, he had said.

 

The day before she had spend with Chris just walking around in Oslo talking and taking a serie of silly selfies with them interacting with different statues and public art. “ **These photos are so great that they deserve their own exhibition. Seriously I am going to sell the idea to Astrup Fearnley Museet** ”, Chris suggested when they had stopped for a warm drink at a café. Sana smiled, “ **Good luck with that!** ”, she answered.

 

“ **How has it been? With Mutta moving there and all? Are you fully recovered from the miscarriage now?** ”, Sana asked her friend. She had been reading about it and thought about asking Chris more, but it never seemed like a good occasion on Skype.

“ **Yes, I am fine now. Fully recovered. But it was strange for a while. Also Mutta moving there and sleeping in the same bed for weeks without having sex at first. Especially the first week was strange. We didn’t talk about it** ”, Chris started. “ **Then it got better, more relaxed. In the end I think it has been good for us. We are much closer now** ”, she confided in her friend. Sana nodded, thinking that Chris had changed, that she had gotten so much older the last few months on Gran Canaria.

 

“ **Oh, I haven't told you about when I met his mother** ”, Chris started exited. “ **It was crazy, I still can't believe it really happened** ”. “ **Ok, what happened?** ”, Sana said curiously and scared at the same time, preparing herself for the worst. She had a feeling that this was going to be one of those embarrassing meet the parents stories.

“ **So, I went there for dinner, all set on making a good impression, to be myself but extra friendly and helpful or something. After dinner his mother was going to the kitchen to make tea, so I offered to help her. In the kitchen she asked me, straight out, if we were being** **_careful_ ** ”, Chris started and Sana started to fear that this would become really awkward. Chris continued the story, “ **I just figured I must had misunderstood, careful with what? I knew that Mutta had not told her about the pregnancy or even that he lived with me and Vilde. He had given her the impression that he was sharing an apartment in Las Palmas with some guys. So, when I didn’t understand she started talking about** **_using protection_ ** **. My face must had turned red and I must have looked shit scared, because she said that I was a** **_sweet_ ** **and** **_shy_ ** **girl but that I should not be naive and make sure that we used protection. I just nodded and agreed with her like an idiot. Nobody has ever called me shy!** ”. Sana just stared at her and started laughing, she just couldn’t believe it. “ **But did you tell Mutta about it after?** ”, she asked. Chris nodded, “ **Yes, in the car when he took me home. He was mortified. Then he explained that his mother had gotten pregnant around my age with him so that was probably why she was so worried. Better safe than sorry, right? They had never talked about it at home, but he had figured out that it must had happen before they got married too** ”. Sana smiled at her, thinking about how much she would miss her when she went back to Las Palmas. “ **Awkward moment meeting the parents, check! We all need to go through that** ”, she said. She was happy things were going well with Mutta. They did suit each other in some unexplainable way, even though they were so different and had different backgrounds.

 

### Dinner date

Sana was over for dinner at Yousef’s place. He was making an aubergine dish that she liked and she was copping some vegetables for him. She loved watching him being busy in the kitchen, he moved so easily around and gently moved her aside when he needed to reach something from where she was standing. Mikael was out so they had the place for themselves for once.

Earlier this week Yousef had been on an extracurricular trip with people from his school to Gothenburg. The had visited the science center Universeum to get inspiration on how to include science when working with small children and he was telling her about the exhibition on health. “ **They showed on the connection between eating, moving and resting, how it is connected to energy. It was really fun, we, or the kids, could test how much energy we consumed and created in different ways** ”, he explained. “ **Did you take any photos** ”, she wondered. “ **Yeah, I’ll show you, in a while** ”, he promised.

 

They sat down to eat and the food was awesome. “ **Mmm, I love what you’ve done with this dish. What type of meat is it?** ”, she asked. “ **Lamb** ”, he answered. “ **And what spices?** ”, she wondered. “ **Red pepper, cumin, chili flakes, garlic and some parsley. Some salt too** ”, he said looking up while trying to remember all of the ingredients. Sana wondered if she would ever learn to cook for real. As things were, she probably didn’t need to.

 

“ **Oh, you wanted to see the photos from Gothenburg** ”, Yousef said and moved over to sit beside her instead. There were some photos from the bus ride there and group photos of Yousef with mostly a bunch of young women, some she recognized from his study group. Then he got to the photos from the science center. Suddenly a message appeared on his screen. “ **Sorry for yesterday** ”, it said. Sana noticed that Yousef got tensed. The message was followed by a new one saying “ **But I cannot help how I feel for you** ”. And now he seemed very uncomfortable and put the phone away and took a deep breath. Sana observed him and waited for him to say something. “ **Who is Line?** ”, she asked when he didn’t initiate the conversation. It was a stupid question, Sana knew who she was. She was the little blond one in his study group. “ **She is in my class** ”, Yousef answered unwillingly. Sana expected him to give her a better explanation of what was going on, what that message meant, but Yousef was just looking down at the table where he had put away the phone. “ **So what happened yesterday?** ”, Sana finally asked. She felt cold and had a very bad feeling about the situation. Yousef exhaled and started talking. “ **Nothing happened. Line is just a friend. She was upset about a thing yesterday and I tried to comfort her. It got weird and she tried to kiss me. But nothing happened. I left** ”, he explained.

 

Sana looked at him. His whole body language exposed feelings of sorrow or remorse. Yousef was the most empathic, most sensitive person she knew, off course he would feel bad if his friend was in trouble, or if he had unreturned feelings for her. But there was so much about this situation that was wrong. Why didn’t he look at her? Why didn’t he tell her more? Why did she feel like she would have to drag it out of him. And it also upset her that this girl, this Line, tried to kiss him, just like that. Didn’t she know he had a fiancé? He was wearing an engagement ring for crying out loud. The ring they had bought together, her name was engraved on the inside of that ring.

“ **But, didn’t she know about me?** ”, Sana asked agitated. “ **She knew** ”, he answered. “ **I haven’t done anything wrong here. I haven't done, or said or written anything that could make her believe that I… that we were anything else than just friends** ”, he said and this time he looked at her. The way he said it, the look in his eyes, the sadness, guilt or whatever it was made the words seem like a prepared defense speech of a guilty person. But guilty of what exactly, Sana wondered. What was it he had done or said?

 

Sana looked at his phone and Yousef’s fingers fiddling on the table beside it.

“ **Yousef. We have always been honest with each other. We believe in honesty** ”, she started. “ **I would like to read the messages on your phone** ”, she asked calmly. “ **What?!** ”, he exclaimed upset. “ **Sana, please don’t. What good would that do?** ”, he said. “ **You say there is nothing. So what is the problem then?** ”, she asked, scared by his reaction. “ **There is nothing, but those are still private messages. Look I share most things with you, but there are also things in my life that doesn’t really interest you much anyway. Things that I share with other people** ”, he started rambling about. Sana got more and more convinced that she needed to see those messages, otherwise she would not be able to let go of this. One of Yousef’s classmates had feelings for him and had tried to kiss him and they had been writing private messages to each other, things that Yousef obviously did not want her to see. To imply that it would bore her, that it was about things that did not interest her, seemed like a very lame excuse.

“ **Look. You know me. I like hard evidence, proof. And we believe in honesty, we don’t keep secrets from each other** ”, she said. “ **I just wish you would just trust me** ”, he said pleading to her. “ **You know that I have trust issues** ”, she responded and put her hand out for the phone. He looked at her, truly miserable for a minute and then gave up, unlocked his phone and gave it to her.

 

She started reading backwards, and had to re-read some parts for it to make sense.

There were no hearts, no obvious flirting, but there were still a few things that bothered her. It was clear that they liked and cared for each other and that they knew each other well. Line knew what type of coffee he liked and Yousef would sometimes make and bring snacks that she liked and could eat due to her allergies. Line thanked him for being such a good listener, for being there for her, and he did the same. What did they talk about that was so important, Sana wondered. They seemed to have met a lot without the others in their study group too. This made Sana cringe. But the absolute worst thing was the huge amount of messages between them. Sana didn’t go further back than about one month, it all made her nauseous. She put the phone down on the table and pushed it away from her.

 

Yousef had been leaning his head on his hands while she had been reading. Now he looked at her, awaitinging her verdict and execution. She didn’t like what she saw. This was not her Yousef. This was a beaten dog who had been caught doing something he was not allowed to. “ **How long has this been going on?** ”, she asked. “ **I only ready about a month back, it was too much** ”, she added. “ **Eh, we have been friends and in the same study group for over a year. In September we started working on a project together, just us two** ”, he explained. “ **So you have spent a lot of time alone together** ”, she asked. He nodded. So everytime he said that he was meeting with his study group, he was in fact only meeting Line, Sana thought. “ **Has she been here?** ”, she wondered. “ **Yes, once or twice. But we normally sit and study in school or at the library** ”, he told her. “ **Was she here yesterday?** ”, Sana wanted to know. “ **No** ”, Yousef answered and a second later he added “ **We were at her place** ”.

 

This was too much for her to hear and she felt like she was suffocating. She needed to get out, in the fresh air, away from Yousef and him home that still smelled of lamb and aubergine and cumin, chili flakes, garlic and parsley. “ **I need to leave now** ”, Sana said and started to get her things and walk towards the door. “ **No, no, no. Don’t go now in the middle of a discussion. We need to talk about this, get through it** ”, Yousef protested and blocked the door for her. Sana was remaining calm but thinking that he really did not want to talk to her right now, considering what she might say. “ **But we are not talking. You’re not talking. I feel like I’m interrogating you** ”, she said instead. He looked sad and worried. “ **We need a break. I need space** ”, she added. He nodded and unwillingly let her go.

 

Once outside she could breathe again. She walked to the bus stop and just wanted to get home. The messages between Yousef and Line preoccupied her. They had been writing to each other almost everyday, several messages a day since September. It reminded her of when Yousef had been in Turkey and they were falling in love and getting to know each other on a new level. She knew that it was not the same, but it still felt like shit. Who was this bitch that thought she could mess with what they had?


	14. POV Adam : Always the victim

### (Friday 16 November, 2018)

Adam checked his phone again before he went inside the pub to join his friends. No new message from Eva. She was often on his mind these days. The first thing he did when he woke up and the last thing he did before he fell asleep was usually to check if she had written anything to him or posted something new on instagram. He even had pancakes on Wednesday. He saw they had it at the coffee shop where Even worked when he stopped by on the way to the studio, and he thought why not.

But tonight was all about Mutta being home in Oslo and all the guys being together again. All apart from Yousef who had plans with Sana. They had some greasy food and got updated on each others lives.

 

“ **How did it go when Chris met your parents? Did she behave?** ”, Elias asked Mutta. “ **She was perfect. I can’t say the same about my mother though** ”, Mutta answered and had to tell them whole story.

“ **I think it’s cool of your mom. Come on, it’s true concern behind it. Cut the bullshit, straight to the point. When I have kids one day, I’m going to be that kind of dad** ”, Even announced. Mutta shook his head. “ **It’s not one bit cool. It’s embarrassing. It’s one thing to talk to me about it, I’m her son, but not ok to talk to my girlfriend like that. And definitely not the first time meeting her** ”.

 

Even told Mutta about the short film that Mikael had made during the weeks he was not working on the ferry. It had competed at a small local Short film festival in September and been screened on the Short film festival of Uppsala in October. It didn’t win any award but had gotten a lot of good publicity. The film was a 20 minute satiric epic love story called “Die for you” about a young man who had to choose between true love that would lead to death within one week or to never experience it at all, while the woman of his dream was facing the same choice.

The story took place in three parallel universes. In the first universe the curtains were red and they both choose love, for three days they were together in an euphoric state of mind and then they started to think of death. Since they didn’t know how they would die they committed suicide by eating cupcakes sugared with arsenic on the last day. In the second universe the curtains were white and he chose love but she did not. He was unhappy and felt betrayed and died after a week. Only after his death did she realise that she loved him and now she would live a life alone without love. In the third universe the curtains were blue and both chose life, so they got to be together, but both would always questioned if the other truly love them.

Yousef joined them, a bit late. “ **Hi! I thought you were meeting Sana** ”, Mutta said, happy to see him. “ **I was, we had dinner. Now I’m with you** ”, Yousef answered shortly.

“ **So the moral of the story is what exactly? To choice love or life?** ” Mutta asked, who was the only one who had not seen the film yet. “ **No, it’s more than that. It’s not a fair choice to start with, a life without love or love without life. And I also try to question the way pop culture today romanticizes the whole idea of only one true love. The blue curtain couple could have just lived and enjoy each other anyway. Do you get it?** ”, Mikael explained, but he wasn’t sure he had all of them with him.

“ **How did you find the actors?** ”, Mutta wondered. “ **I asked Isabel, since she already had some acting experience and then she knew a guy** ”, Mikael answered. “ **Our apartment was a film studio for two weeks** ”, Yousef complained.

“ **I still can’t understand why you needed to involve Isabell** ”, Adam said bitterly. “ **Why not? She is a great actress. Even if she has the biggest ego in Oslo and is a really crappy girlfriend** ”, Elias remarked.

 

Adam came to think about Eva. Again. She had been a bit moody in their messages lately. It was as if she didn’t like his stupid jokes anymore. Before he could write anything, and no matter how stupid, it would always be fun and lead somewhere interesting. Now it more often met a dead end and then he’d try again another day. Maybe she was just on her period or busy and he misinterpreted her answers. She couldn't possibly had gotten offended by anything he said the last time, he thought. He went over their discussion in his head, he had even told her that he didn’t care if a girl had slept with none or a hundred guys! He had briefly told her about why it didn’t work with Isabell and they had joked about groupies.

 

“ **Why are girls so moody?** ”, Adam asked his friends feeling gloomy. “ **Adam, it’s like asking why does bears shit in the forest** ”, Elias answered shaking his head. “ **Hormones, I think** ”, Mutta suggested.

“ **Are they really moody or is that just how you experience it?** ”, Mikael teased him. “ **Maybe the right question is why are guys idiots? Anyway, what did you do? Who’s the girl?** ”, Even asked. “ **No, just forget about it** ”, Adam answered. He did not feel like explaining things, it would take all night and tonight was about Mutta.

“ **How are things going with the Danish girl and the mini towel?** ”, he asked Mutta instead. “ **Ah, that problem is actually solved now** ”, he answered happily and told them how he and Chris had given her a big Gran Canaria towel for her birthday. “ **Oh, no! Now I don’t see any point in visiting you there anymore** ”, Adam joked. “ **Well both of the Danish girls are moving home to Denmark soon anyway, so maybe we’ll get a new girl with an even smaller towel. I’ll keep you updated** ”, Mutta joked.

 

On his way home Adam stopped by Eva’s house. The lights were off. He sat in the car for a while, checking if she had answered his last message. Nothing. She was probably just busy with Chris and Vilde being home and all. Or she was already asleep now. He would meet her for sure tomorrow at the party anyway.

 

### (Saturday 17 November, 2018)

Adam arrived late to the party at Chris. The garden and the house had Christmas decorations, Vilde had insisted on it, since they would not be home for Christmas this year. Lights, stars and even a fake Christmas tree in a corner, everything to make Vilde happy. People seemed to be having fun, some were dancing, most of them were just drinking and talking. Adam started looking around, for Eva or just any one of his friends to join, just to not stand there alone.

 

Yousef was standing with William and Elias and appeared to be talking about interior design, carpets and stuff like that. It surprised Adam. Elias was into finding a compact living solution by building a sleeping loft. “ **If you’re gonna do it, then do it right. Nail it properly to the walls and make it stable. Don’t just get one of those cheap and ugly ones that will fall apart** ”, Yousef warned him. “ **Off course. If we’re gonna sleep up there it has to be stable. And look good. But I’ve seen some nice photos online, with descriptions. Anyway, I think it could work in her place, it’s an old building with high headroom, there is space enough** ”, Elias assured him.

 

Adam got bored looked at William and asked him if he still had the Martin Aston. “ **No. But she was a beauty** ”, William answered dreamy. Adam nodded agreeing. “ **Anyway she was never really mine to start with** ”, he added quickly. It sounded a bit sad, to almost have something that beautiful and still not. “ **What do you drive now?** ”, Adam asked. “ **Nothing. Just a rental a few times the past year. I’m thinking about either getting a new car soon or maybe just join one of those carpools, considering that I really don’t need a car in the city. I just want one. And the type of car I want, I can’t afford right now anyway** ”, he answered. Jonas had joined them and expressed that he liked the idea of carpools, thinking it was the future. What did he know about cars anyway, he was a bike guy, Adam thought annoyed.

 

“ **I’m going to find Mutta** ”, Adam said and left them. Mutta was standing with Mikael, Eva and Vilde talking about Mikael’s film. It was now planned to be screened in Trondheim in January and he was thinking about competing with it at the Short film festival in Grimstad in June and maybe on some foreign festivals too. “ **There is an international film festival also in Las Palmas. Sofia told me. You should check it out** ”, Vilde told him. Eva seemed impressed and asked if Mikael wanted to participate at the film workshop she was planning. “ **I already have a teacher who will talk about storytelling and show how to use a basic editing program. Maybe we could do a screening of your film and then you could talk about how you came up with the idea and how you made it?** ”, Eva suggested enthusiastic. Mikael was obviously very flattered and said yes. She promised to send him a proposal as soon as she had talked to her supervisor about it on Monday and she asked if he was working or planed to go away any days in December. He promised to send her his schedule.

 

Adam got anxious. What was going on here? He didn’t like what he was seeing, Eva was flirting with Mikael right in front of him. So a month ago she was really into hip hop and now she is into short movies. Eva said hi to him and went to dance with Chris and Even over by the sofa.

Adam tried to be involved in Mutta and Mikael’s discussion but couldn’t keep his eyes of Eva and got distracted. She looked beautiful and different with her hair up and wearing that red dress. He loved the way she laughed with her friends, making funny moves to the music. He used to make her laugh like that. When he dropped her on her bed the first time or when he made up the pancake-rap. When did it change and get complicated, he wondered.

 

At one point he noticed that she was going towards the hallway and decided to go after her, to talk to her. She stopped and waited outside the bathroom, that apparently was already occupied. He stopped beside her. “ **Too much to drink?** ”, she asked. He nodded.

 

Sana left the bathroom and when Eva went inside Adam went with her and closed the door. “ **You are just wasting your time with Mikael. He is nothing like me** ”, he said to her. Eva stared at him confused and offended. “ **What was that? I cannot talk to Mikael now?** ”, she asked. Adam tried to explain, but he wasn’t even sure what he was thinking and the words just escaped his mouth. “ **You are free to do whatever you want but just don’t mess around with my bros, it would be too sick, almost like incest, just wrong** ”. She looked at him, shaking her head as if he was crazy. “ **Sure, whatever, just send me a list of your bros or anyone I cannot mess around with. But just so you know… I’m not your girlfriend** ”, she told him. Her words stung him, even if he knew that it was true. It hurt. She had never really been his. He was just the guy she slept with when she was bored or wanted some intimacy. He felt like the biggest idiot on earth and just wanted to get out of there. “ **Whatever, just do what you want. I don’t care** ”, he said and left.

 

He needed fresh air and went out on the backside. Not far from the door he saw Mutta and Mikael standing with Isak and Jonas talking and laughing. They were passing a joint around and Mutta called out to him, “ **Adam, you want some?** ”. The last thing he wanted now was to hang out with Jonas and Mikael, he couldn’t even look at them. He walked up to Mutta and asked, “ **When is it you are going back?** ”. “ **On Monday** ”, Mutta answered. “ **Ok, so we’ll meet and hang out some more tomorrow, right?** ”, he wondered. Mutta nodded. “ **I’m not feeling too well, think I ate something, so I’m going home now** ”, he explained. They hugged and he said bye to the others and went inside to get his jacket. He saw Chris talking to Sana and went to say bye to her as well, after all it was her house, her party.

“ **Are you leaving now?** ”, Sana asked. “ **Yes, I’m not feeling too well** ”, he answered. “ **Did you take your car? Could I get a ride home?** ”, she asked then. “ **I’m not too well either. Got a headache** ”, she added with a tired smile. “ **Sure, off course. Are you ready? Let’s go** ”, he answered.

 

They were quiet most of the drive to Sana’s place. About halfway Sana said “ **It’s you right?** ”. Adam didn’t say anything, he wasn’t even sure what she meant. “ **You are the guy Eva has been seeing secretly, right?** ”, she specified. Adam didn’t answer, he was not in the mood to talk about this now, especially not with Eva’s friend. Sana took up her phone and wrote something on it.

“ **Thanks, I just earned 1400 crowns** ”, she added and caught Adam’s attention. “ **What the fuck! Is this some kind of game to you?** ”, he asked irritated. He wondered how Eva talked about him, even if she had not mentioned any name. What had she said to make it such an interesting quest for everyone to find out who she was sleeping with. He had not said one word about her to his friend. Not one word.

 

Sana didn’t hesitate. “ **Yes. Why not. It’s a game to us, a game to you. It’s just fun right?** ”, she said sarcastically. Adam felt angry and wronged. By Eva, by her friends, by Sana. “ **You think I am the bad guy here. I’m not. She’s the one pulling all the strings. She’s got me right where she wants me** ”, Adam defended himself bitterly. They had reached her house by now. Before Sana left the car she said harsh, “ **You boys are always the victims right? Never in control of anything happening to you** ”. She thanked him for the ride and went inside. Now he felt even more like an idiot.

 

### Chat with Eva (Sunday 18 November, 2018)

Adam: **Sorry for yesterday**

**Don’t know what got into me**

**I’ve just had a bad day**

**a bad week**

Eva: **ok. no problem**

Adam: **Are you busy today?**

Eva: **yes, brunch at Noora’s**

**last day before Chris and Vilde goes back**

**and later I need to work on an application**

Adam: **ok, have a good day**

Eva: **you too**


	15. POV Yousef : No woman no cry

### Chat with Adam (Saturday 17 November, 2018)

Yousef: **Hi, did you get Sana home safe?**

**she has not answered me**

Adam. **yes, half an hour ago**

**are you having trouble?**

Yousef: **ah, now she answered**

**she was in the bathroom**

Adam: **ok, see you**

Yousef: **yeah, see you**

 

### (Sunday 18 November, 2018)

Yousef woke up quiet early for a Sunday. Mikael was still asleep and the apartment was so still when the cold but bright sun entered the kitchen window. Nothing more than yogurt and cornflakes for breakfast. He made a note to himself to remember to pass by the grocery shop later.

He put on Leonard Cohen’s “Famous blue raincoat” and sat down on the sofa in the living room. His uncle used to play Leonard Cohen a lot, he remembered. “ **I hear that you’re building, your little house, deep in the desert. You’re living for nothing, I hope you’re keeping some kind of record** ”, the song said.

 

He had not heard much from Sana since Friday and he didn’t want to pressure her. If she needed time, space, there was no point trying anyway. She would get back to him soon, when she was ready. And until then, all he could do was to try to stay calm and patient. It was severely difficult. He would almost had prefered screaming and crying until everything that needed to be said was said.

 

“ **Thanks for the trouble you took, from her eyes, I thought it was there, for good, so I never tried** ”, Cohen continued singing in the sad song. It was a mystery to him how Cohen could make a complicated story about infidelity sound so beautiful.

There was not real plan for today, more than to hang out with Mutta and the guys. They were coming over later. Anyway, Yousef had understood that Sana would be busy today as well, with her friends. So she would probably not want to met him yet anyway.

 

### Chat with Noora

Yousef: **Hi Noora**

**sorry for bringing this up but need to understand something**

**why did you kissed me at Syng that time?**

Noora: **Hi. ok**

**I already told you, it had nothing to do with you**

Yousef: **I know but, why me? Why not Elias or someone else?**

Noora: **You were there and you were kind to me**

**Why are you asking this now?**

Yousef: **it almost happened again**

**I didn’t mean to and stopped it**

**but I don’t get why?**

Noora: **hmm, two isolated incidents does not make a pattern**

**you are not cursed!**

Yousef: **I feel like I do something, maybe unconsciously**

Noora: **I was emotionally a mess that day, I had just heard that William had a new girlfriend**

**you seemed like a sweet guy**

**it seemed like a good idea at the moment**

**to be with a sweet guy**

Yousef: **????** **so I should be less “sweet”?**

**more cold, more professional**

Noora: **no, you should be allowed to be sweet without being attacked by women!**

Yousef: **has Sana talked to you?**

Noora: **does she know? Is she upset?**

Yousef: **yes. she says she needs space**

Noora: **we haven't talked about this**

**but I’ll check on her for you**

Yousef: **thanks**

 

### Istanbul Kebab

One by one they arrived. Mutta first, then Adam and Elias. Even couldn’t come because he had to work. They hanged out a bit but it didn’t take long before people started to talk about food. There was not much more than yoghurt and a few olives in the refrigerator so Yousef suggested they should go out and get something. He didn’t feel like cooking anyway.

They ended up at Istanbul Kebab. Elias, Mutta and Mikael, who had already ordered, went to sit down by a table when it was Yousef’s turn. The guy behind the counter saw Adam behind him and started joking with him. “ **Adam, where do you have Eva?** ”. They both laughed at it. Adam and Eva. “ **What, she didn’t like my food the last time?** ”, he added making Adam uncomfortable and answering something incoherent while avoiding Yousef’s look. “ **What’s going on?** ”, Yousef asked him. “ **What’s going on with you and Sana?** ”, Adam replied, avoiding the question and ending the conversation before it even started. “ **It will blow over** ”, Yousef answered quickly. He didn’t want to go into it with Adam, especially not with Elias so closeby. They would not understand.

 

“ **Adam, so I found out who will probably move in with us in Las Palmas in the Danish girls room** ”, Mutta told him. “ **Yeah, have you got a photo?** ”, Adam asked interested. “ **No need, you know her. Eva. But I have no idea what size her towle is** ”, he continued joking. Yousef looked at Adam’s face turning a bit pale and him changing position on the chair. “ **Eh, he he, well I’ve already seen her in the shower so...** ”, he answered stupidly with a guilty smile. “ **What the fuck! I knew you had something going on. When was this?** ”, Elias asked and wanted to hear more. “ **That explains a lot. You looked like you wanted to kill me when I was talking to her yesterday** ”, Mikael added. “ **Yeah, sorry about that Mikael. We are not really together or anything** ”, Adam informed them.

“ **Why not?** ”, Yousef asked, thinking the whole thing was idiotic. “ **Trust me, it’s not a good idea. She doesn’t want to get serious anyway and now she is off to Las Palmas** ”, he explained. He was being such an idiot, Yousef thought. He had wasted six months on Isabell and didn’t even want to try with a girl like Eva. “ **But you like her** ”, Yousef insisted, this was obvious. Adam sighed annoyed. “ **Sure, she is great, but… it’s not up to me. And it would probably not end well anyway** ”, he continued looking unhappy.

 

Yousef was not used to see him like this, down and beaten because of a girl. With Isabell he had first been all into her, then mostly irritated and after it was over, relieved. “ **You could always write a song about it. Sad love songs sell** ”, Mikael suggested. Adam got in a better mood. “ **Yeah, I should do that, right?** “, he agreed smiling. Then he got sad again and added, ” **It sounds like something she could have said** ”. Mikael was sitting closest and put his arm around Adam to comfort him. “ **Thanks. But, it’s ok. I’ll be ok. No woman no cry, right** ”, Adam answered.

 

Mutta had to break up the party. “ **It’s been really good seeing you guys, but I need to get home. I promised my mom to be home for dinner tonight** ”, he informed them. “ **Me too. Promised to bring Sara to a family dinner** ”, Elias said. Yousef looked at him surprised. Sana had not mentioned any family dinner. But then again they were not talking much now. “ **You didn’t know?** ”, Elias asked surprised. Yousef shook his head feeling excluded. “ **What’s going on with you two? Sana seemed all blue yesterday, but when I asked she just said she had an headache** ”, Elias said worried. “ **It’s nothing. She just needed some space** ”, Yousef told him. “ **Ah, so she is giving you the silent treatment. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. What did you do?** ”, Elias continued. Yousef really did not want to get into it there and then and have Elias and the others misunderstand and judge him. “ **I really should be talking with Sana about it. And not you** ”, he answered trying to appear confident and determined to get him to back off. It was none of his concern. Elias looked at him for a while before he gave in. “ **That bad? You can’t even talk about it. Anyway, just wait her out, there is no point trying to talk to her until she’s ready to listen** ”, was his advice to Yousef. Yousef nodded.

 

### What did you get from it?

On the way home on the tram Mikael turned to him and said, “ **You really look like shit. And Sana didn’t look to happy yesterday either** ”. They were arriving at Oslo Central Station. “ **Come on, let’s get off** ”, he said. “ **Why?** ”, Yousef asked confused, but did as told. “ **You need some good coffee. And seriously Even is all** **_you feel what you feel_ ** **. He’s better than Dr Phil** ”, Mikael explained. Yousef laughed, because he knew it was true.

 

Even was too busy refilling the napkins and sugar to notice them first. Then he looked up, seemed very happy to see them and hugged them both. “ **Hi, you two! So nice to see you. What can I get you?** ”, he asked. “ **Are you very busy now? Yousef is in trouble** ”, Mikael explained. “ **No, do I look busy? Sure I might get interrupted, but it’s normally slow at this time** ”, he answered. They sat down by the counter and got their coffee. Yousef didn’t know where to start, feeling pressured by both Mikael and Even looking at him. “ **Is it about Line?** ”, Mikael asked, trying to get him started. “ **Yeah. Did you see it coming? I’m such an idiot** ”, Yousef said. “ **No, but you seemed very close…** ”, Mikael answered. “ **Who is this?** ”, Even asked and Yousef updated him and Mikael on what had happened.

 

“ **That sucks Yousef. I feel with you** ”, Mikael said. “ **It’s not easy for Line either, having a crush on a close friend like that. It can easily get confusing. But it will pass** ”, Even added. Yousef nodded. “ **And now Sana is hurt, because I didn’t tell her and she probably think it’s something it is not** ”, Yousef complained, trying to steer the conversation into the real problem here. “ **Good thing you finally told her** ”, Even said. “ **I didn’t. She found out** ”, Yousef corrected him. “ **Oh. So what does she say?** ”, he asked. “ **Sana doesn’t say anything. She wanted a break. Some space** ”, Yousef explained and started to get worried again. Even and Mikael exchanged concerned looks. He really messed up this time.

 

“ **Ok. Let’s focus on you. Why is this Line so special to you? What does she do for you?** ”, Even asked. Yousef got provoked and felt accused, it sounded almost kinky. Anyway his problem now was Sana, getting things right with her. “ **She doesn’t do anything for me. We are just friends, classmates** ”, he answered annoyed. “ **She must do something for you. Otherwise you would not be close or spend time together** ”, Even explained. Yousef rested his head on his hands trying to find a way to explain why this friendship had gotten important. He knew why, but he didn’t want to go down that path.

“ **You said you told each other personal things, and you comforted her when she was upset. Did you like feeling like a good guy? Or did you have a little crush on her too?** ”, Even confronted him. Yousef protested immediately. “ **No, it was not romantic or anything from my end. I’m with Sana. I love Sana** ”. Mikael was following the dialogue just observing. “ **I know. But that doesn’t make you immune. You can still get a crush on someone else** ”, Even explained. “ **Well that’s not it** ”, Yousef insisted.

 

He pulled his hands through his hair, thinking it was time to get a haircut soon and wondering how he could explain this mess, this situation in a comprehensible way, when it wasn’t even completely clare to himself. “ **I could talk to her, openly, about some things that I can’t talk easily with many people about. Not even Sana** ”, he confessed after a while. “ **Aaah** ”, both Even and Mikael said together, followed by a long silence that made him nervous.

“ **Just be honest with Sana. She’ll see through any bullshit anyway** ”, was Even’s advice. “ **Yeah. But it will probably hurt her** ”, Yousef said. He knew Sana would see it as a betrayal. “ **It will hurt her anyhow. But you can get through the hurt. It is possible** ”, Even said. Yousef nodded. Seeing Even and Mikael together, being friends again and being there for him gave him some hope.

 

On the way home they stopped by the grocery store to fill up the refrigerator again. “ **Thanks Mikael** ”, Yousef said. He was so exhausted now. Thinking, feeling, worrying. “ **Forget about it. And** **I told you he was better than Dr Phil** ”, Mikael answered smiling, and added “ **Don’t worry.** **It will be fine** ”.

 

### Chat with Sana

Yousef: **Hi my love**

Sana: **Hi Yousef**

Yousef: **are you feeling any better?**

Sana: **yes. you?**

Yousef: **I miss you**

**we need to talk**

Sana: **I know**

Yousef: **when can we meet?**

Sana: **tomorrow? after classes? When are you free?**

Yousef: **any time after lunch is ok with me**

Sana: **see you at 15 then**

Yousef: **ok. where? at my place?**

Sana: **ok. Is Mikael home?**

Yousef: **I think so, but he’s busy with a new film project,**

**I’ll tell him you’re coming over**

Sana: **ok, see you <3**

Yousef: **< 3**


	16. POV Sana : Don’t be an idiot

### (Monday 19 November, 2018)

Sana was trying to focus on her lecture on digestion and metabolism in a healthy human being. It was interesting, it had examples from real patient cases and included groupwork. In December they would start preparing for the integrated exam in January that would combine everything they had learned so far. She tried not to think about talking to Yousef after class, she would deal with it when the time came.

 

Vilde, Chris and Mutta was probably already on the flight back to Las Palmas now. The day before they had a hangover brunch at Noora’s place, just them girls. Vilde had addressed Noora’s dual apartment situation. “ **I can’t believe you haven't moved in with William yet. Seriously, jacuzzi? Why this resistance?** ”, she asked Noora. Noora didn’t want to go into it again. “ **Well, you practically live there, you just say you don’t** ”, Sana reasoned. “ **No, I don’t. I am registered here, this is my postadress and almost all of my things are here. I only sleep there sometimes** ”, Noora protested. “ **We should do the panties-test, like Eva suggested. Wherever you have most panties is your home** ”, Chris suggested. “ **Ok, where is you underwear drawer?** ”, Vilde asked but found it on her own when Noora was not very helpful. “ **Five panties!** ”, Vilde counted. “ **And I assume these are the emergency panties?** ”, she said and held up one pair that had a hole in the side seam. “ **I haven't had time to do laundry** ”, Noora explained and put away her underwear. “ **Hmm, I wonder how many you have at William’s place?** ”, Eva asked teasingly. “ **I’m already on it** ”, Chris informed them. “ **What?!** ”, Noora exclaimed. “ **Dear William. Could you help us out with a bet? Could you count how many panties Noora has at your place?** ”, Chris read out loud. “ **You did not just send that to William?** ”, Noora asked agitated. “ **Relax, he should be used to our crazy bets by now** ”, Chris answered.

 

“ **Talking about crazy bets. How is it going with Isak and Eskild’s bet? How much money is in the jackpot now?** ”, Eva asked curiously. “ **Oh, it’s over, Sana won 1400 crowns** ”, Vilde revealed. “ **What do you mean it’s over?** ”, Eva asked confused looking at Sana. “ **I figured it out** ”, Sana answered. Come on Eva, it was not rocket science, Sana thought. “ **But how? How do you even know that you got the right guy?** ”, Eva asked.

Sana took a deep breath and laid out the proof. “ **It was not that hard. I had my suspicion and noticed that you liked everything on his insta about one and a half month back. That’s when all of this started, right?** ”, she started and let it sink in. Eva nodded. “ **Then I just asked him yesterday when he gave me a ride home from the party** ”, she added. Eva was speechless. “ **Isn’t it cheating though, to ask the guy?** ”, Vilde tried. “ **No! Because by that time I had already figured it out. You need to know who it is to know who to ask** ”, Sana explained. “ **Did he say anything? In the car?** ”, Eva asked, pale. “ **Not much** ”, Sana answered, which was true. “ **Did he say anything about me?** ”, Eva specified. Sana hated to be in this position. She did not want to get involved in whatever game they were playing. It just seemed messed up to her, and they both seemed unhappy about it. So much for fun and uncomplicated. “ **If you want to know what he thinks, I think you should talk to him about it** ”, she said instead. Eva nodded and turned down her gaze.

 

“ **Oh, I just got an answer from William. Noora has eight panties there. So it’s settled, you practically already live there!** ”, Chris informed Noora and the rest. “Whatever”, Noora said and offered more tea. Sana helped her bring some leftovers from the brunch and dishes back to the kitchen.

 

“ **Have you talked to Yousef yet?** ”, Noora asked when they were alone. Sana looked away. It was so much easier to focus on her friends problems, they seemed so much easier. “ **Not, yet** ”, she answered. “ **He is really miserable** ”, Noora added. Sana looked at her suspicious wondering how much Noora knew and why Yousef had talked to her, but she didn’t want to talk about it anymore this moment. She should follow her own advice and talk straight to him instead. “ **I know. I know we need to talk** ”, she answered Noora.

 

### Sana’s list

When she arrived at Yousef’s apartment he gave her an extra long hug in the doorway. “ **Sorry, I just need to feel it now. That we are together, that it’s still us** ”, he excused himself. She nodded at him with a vague smile. “ **Do you want something to eat? Or tea?** ”, he asked. “ **Tea would be good** ”, she answered and followed him to the kitchen. She watch him while he prepared two cups of mint tea. He seemed calm but serious.

 

The past days she had prepared herself mentally for this talk. She had prayed and even made a list, just for herself, over why this situation upset her so much.

  1. It hurt her that Yousef had been meeting Line alone and kept it secret from her.
  2. It worried her that they had been close friends and shared personal things, they had been so close that Line had thought that it was more than friendship.
  3. It worried her that their friendship seemed so intense, so many messages and who knows how many meetings.
  4. It made her angry that Line didn’t respect their engagement.
  5. It made her angry that Yousef was such an idiot that he did not, or did not want to, see this coming.



 

She sat down on the carpet in the living room with her legs crossed and the teacup beside her. Sitting on the sofa felt too formal. He did the same with a reasonable distance facing her. “ **I should have told you about Line and the project we were working on** ”, he started. “ **But I just didn’t want you to get worried** ”, he added. That was an odd thing to say. Why did he think she would get worried? It was just a school project. But now, after what happened, it seemed that there had been cause for being worried. That woman had tried to kiss him. He must had seen it coming, or was he that blind, that unaware?

“ **Yousef, seriously. You are going to work with women the rest of your life. You need to be more professional. You cannot write tons of messages and be alone and talk about personal things with a woman and then be surprised if she misunderstands it. Don’t be an idiot!** ”, Sana started.

“ **I know that. This was not a normal situation. This does not normally happen with classmates, or colleagues or friends** ”, he defended himself. What was so special about this situation then, she wondered. There were still something he was not telling her.

“ **What did you two talk about anyway?** ”, she asked. “ **It seemed like you shared things, personal things** ”, she explained. He took a deep breath and started telling her how it all went down.

 

“ **We talked about things from our upbringing, our childhood. We have a course now, on children and society, religion and ethics. She comes from a religious home, a very christian family, so we started talking about religion, you know, things that religious people, like parent or other grown-ups, tell their children, how they talk to them... about things. First we discovered that both of our parents had prohibited the same TV programmes, because they were about magic or occultism or just too immoral in general and then we started talking about more serious things. The simplified answers and things that are taboo and how fast kids learn that. All from when you are little until you reach puberty. Already by wondering and asking certain questions you were already wrong at it, just for thinking about or questioning certain things** ”, he started.

 

This was hurtful to Sana, to know that Yousef felt the need to talk to some outsider about the things he didn’t like in Islam. That he didn’t feel like he could talk to her about it. “ **Did you talk about me?** ”, she asked, suddenly feeling self conscious and wondering what Line thought about her and their relationship. “ **Yeah. I mentioned that it was different for you. That you still have a very strong faith** ”, he answered. Sana felt exposed. “ **I always talked about you with respect, as an example of when religion can be a good thing** ”, Yousef explained. So to Line she was his deeply religious fiancee, even though he was criticising his parents and other muslim adults and had chosen to no longer be a muslim himself. Did they have that in common too, had Line also stopped believing in God, Sana wondered.

“ **Respect? She probably thinks that we are not even in love. That this is just something arranged, that you feel like you have to marry me** ”, she uttered and felt the tears burning behind her eyelids again. “ **No. Now I think you are being paranoid** ”, he said, refusing to believe it. “ **But she tried to kiss you! There was no respect for me then, no respect for our relationship** ”, Sana added upset. Now she was more angry than sad. Yousef had been a complete idiot. He had given a piece of himself to another woman. They had been close.

 

“ **I’m sorry. I never meant for this to become a problem. But I want you to at least try to understand** ”, Yousef said pleading. “ **We believe in honesty** ”, he added, trying to find some common ground. “ **But I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this. Why did you need to talk to her about those things? Not me or someone else. Someone who already knows you** ”, she questioned. It irritated her so much that Line seemed to be important to him.

“ **I don’t know. Maybe it was just easier with someone who didn’t already have an opinion about me or Islam. In the beginning it was so relieving and interesting because we discovered that we had so much in common although we came from very different traditions. We talked about it from the child’s perspective and an almost universal approach, not depending on a specific religion,** ” he explained while she just looked at him doubtfully, still feeling rejected. “ **When I try to talk to my brother about it he just ends up defending and explaining things, what our parents or others actually meant or intended. And when I’ve tried to talk to my sister she just sees it as an opportunity to dwell on everything bad ever done in the name of religion, especially against women and then whatever I talked about was nothing in comparison** ”, he continued. “ **But, what about me?** ”, Sana asked with a small voice. They used to talk about things, religion too. He looked down and took his time before he answered. “ **It is personal for you. You would probably feel the need to defend Islam. Or explain things, like my brother. And I didn’t want be negative with you. Or worry you or risk arguing about things. Talking to Line was… she listened. She was open and curious and... she was always on my side** ”.

 

A flood of emotions overwhelmed her and she tried to sort and control them. He did not trusted her enough. He tried to protect her. He had the need to talk about it and Line was there and it came up, naturally. Somewhere in the middle of it all she looked over at him, his head was hanging and could she the little boy. The same boy that had felt the need to leave everything that had to do with religion behind when his friend tried to commit suicide. It was all connected. Religious adults in his life had failed him instead of guiding him. And maybe he was partly right about her too. It was personal for her. She would probably try to defend och explain things. But it all depended on what it was about, what he was criticising. Islam or just people.

” **I don’t feel that I can or want to defend everything every muslim says or does, not if I don’t agree with them. On the contrary, I expect more from them. They should be patient, they should listen and then try to honestly answer any questions** ”, she started to explain her view. He looked up at her. “ **I know that I cannot be your only friend, but I wish you’d feel ok to talk to me. About anything. Because I am on your side too** “, she told him. He gave her a tired smile. “ **I am talking to you now. I want to...** ”, he said. She moved over and embraced him and he squeezed her closer and rested his weary head on her shoulder. She knew that she needed that hug just as much as he did. Some physical contact, releasing oxytocin to calm the nervous system, make them feel the love, feel that they belonged together. The past three days had been so emotionally draining for her and she did not imagine that it had been any easier on him.

 

His head was starting to get heavy on her shoulder so she moved to sit more comfortable with her back against the sofa. She had to wipe away some teardrops from her face with the back of her hand. “ **Are we good now?** ”, she asked searching his eyes. “ **Yeah, we’re good** ”, he confirmed, still looking tired. He caressed her cheek and kissed her softly and hugged her again.

“ **I just feel so bad for Line now** ”, he then said. “ **I don’t** ”, she answered cold. “ **She knew that you were engaged, so she should have just kept it on a friendly level** ”. Line should had just let those birds fly over her head and not let the thought of being with Yousef build a nest on her head, Sana thought.

 

They got interrupted by Mikael who needed something in the kitchen. “ **Don’t mind me** ”, he said and went back to his room. Sana laughed, she had not even noticed that he was home. The storm was over, things were back to normal now, she thought.

  
“ **Hey did you hear about Adam and Eva?** ”, Yousef asked her, changing the subject completely. “ **Yes, I figured it out. And I won 1400 crowns on a bet** ”, Sana answered. Yousef shook his head. “ **You had put money on who it was? You girls are insane** ”, he said. “ **Us girls? It was Isak and Eskild who started it. Vilde even put a bet on that Eva was sleeping with Gabrielle, just because she’s also from Bergen. Do you wanna see the whole list?** ”, Sana asked and took up her phone and entered the group that Isak had set up for the occasion. They laughed at Eskild putting a bet on Madcon. That bet got disqualified by Isak, since they are two guys, or did he think Eva had a triangle affair with both of them? “ **This is so sick Sana. Don Martin? He is old enough to be her father! Don’t ever show this list to Adam. He got jealous just because Eva was talking to Mikael on the party** ”, Yousef informed her. Sana got surprised and had to ask, “ **So you think Adam is in love for real then?** ”. “ **I don’t know. I’m not even sure he knows himself. But he sure didn’t like the idea of her being with someone else** ”, Yousef answered.


	17. POV Noora : A room of one’s own

### (Friday 23 November, 2018)

The week had been crazy with lectures almost every day and three afternoon shifts at the café. Noora was exhausted and couldn’t wait to get away with William to the cabin in  Åsgårdstrand for the weekend. It would be a mini vacation and they both deserved it. William had rented a car and was picking her up quarter past seven when she finished work and then they hit the road. She watched a huge full moon in the sky the approximately one hour drive there. The kind of moon that made people a little crazy in many stories. This will be an interesting weekend, she thought to herself.

 

Noora loved the house in Åsgårdstrand. If she was ever to put money on a property it would be on that place, even though it was totally irrational, being much to far from the city. It layed just by the waterfront of Oslo fjord with their own private jetty to anchor a small boat to and stairs for swimmers. William had taken her there a couple times before, but never in the winter. The first time was right after he came back from London.

 

It had been a surreal experience, William showing up in an Aston Martin and Eva’s birthday party. He had mentioned an email, that she didn’t even remember sending, and asked her if she wanted to go with him for a ride, to talk. First he drove to Ekeberg and she must have seemed so shocked or frightened, just staring at him. He had told her that she look like she had seen a ghost. And the funny thing is that was the exact feeling she had, like this was not real, like William had returned from the dead. “ **It is just so unreal, to not see you for so long and now you are in Oslo** ”, she answered. “ **You didn’t think I would come for you?** ”, he asked her confused. She didn’t know what to answer. “ **But... you are happy to see me?** ”, he then asked, to be sure. “ **Yes** ”, she answered, realising how strange she must seem, and she leaned over to kiss him. But there were still so many conflicting feelings in that moment; hope, fear, relief, expectations, and questions that needed to be answered. She felt overwhelmed.

“ **Noora, I have the keys to my mom’s cabin in Åsgårdstrand. We can go there, just us two and get some time alone** ”, he suggested. She nodded, it was getting late even if the summer sun was still up and they wouldn’t have time to talk much more tonight. Better to not stress it. The most important things was already said anyway; he came back to Oslo for her and she was happy to see him.

 

In Åsgårdstrand they got the time they needed. He showed her places he used to play as a kid, Munch’s house and museum and they walked along the seaside and talked and talked. They could breathe more freely than in Oslo or London. There was no hurry and no distractions. They talked about Nicolai and London, about Madrid and why she had moved there. He mentioned his sister Amalie a few times too. They bought bread and pastry at the small bakery in the village and ice cream by the pier.

 

When they arrived at the house this November evening it was cold and William turned up the heat to maximum and started a fire in the fireplace to warm it up faster. Noora stood by the large windows in the living room, with a blanket wrapped around her, looking out at the moon reflecting in the still water. William came and rubbed her arms to warm her up and said “ **It will be warm in not time** ”. She got a crazy idea, standing there. “ **We should just run down the jetty and jump in the water** ”, she suggested to him. “ **You are kidding right? Do you know how cold it is in the water now?** ”, he answered, not at all tempted to go winter bathing. “ **And it would take at least half an hour to heat up the sauna** ”, he added.

“ **Come on, be a little spontaneous. We don’t need the sauna, we have each other. And winter bathing is very healthy, it shocks the system, make you blood circulate faster, so you actually get very warm by it** ”, she tried to convince him.

He still hesitated. “ **Naked?** ”, he asked. “ **Yes. Nobody will see us anyway. Or if someone does, it will be so fast anyway** ”, she argued looking at him challenging.

“ **Ok, let’s do it!** ”, he agreed and went to get the biggest softest towels he could find. They undressed, wrapped themselves in the towles and got prepared to go for it when he opened the glassdoor. And they ran. Out on the porch, down the lawn and to the end of the jetty where the stairs were. They dropped their towels and jumped into to the freezing water.

 

It was followed by half a minute of extreme discomfort. Noora gasped for air and felt her heart pumping like crazy to keep the body heat on the right level. But already on the way up the stairs she felt a natural high and a warm glow and wide smile emerged on her face. The same wild expression she could see on William face. “ **I can’t believe I let you talk me into this** ”, he complained laughing. “ **But it feels good, right? I am not even cold right now** ”, she said enthusiastic with her towel wrapped around her again. “ **No, but you will be. And you feet are turning blue** ”, he said and hurried her back to the house.

 

Back in the house, still in an ecstatic state of mind, Noora noticed that one of her toes had actually gotten blue and started warming it up and getting dressed in warm and cozy cloths. William settled with a sweater and some knitted socks and used the towle as a long skirt. “ **I’m going to make some hot chocolate now** ”, he said happily and walked to the kitchen. “ **Really, dressed like that?** ”, she laughed at him. “ **It’s only us here, I can dress however I want** ”, he answered smiling.

 

Noora followed him, sat down in the kitchen and watch him at work. “ **Did you know that they used so called** **_surprised baths_ ** **as a treatment for mental patience once? Well, some doctors still recommend cold baths or showers against depression, but nowadays it’s voluntary. It releases dopamine and serotonin in your brain, so it’s like a natural antidepressants** ”, Noora told him. She was talking while googling on health benefits of wither bathing on her phone. “ **Interesting** ”, he commented while heating the milk and mixing the ingredients. “ **Ok, apart from dopamine and serotonin, winter bathing also release endorphins, which is, hmm, the same hormone released during an orgasm. Good to know. And it’s good for your immune system, your sexlife, fertility, your skin and off course it’s a wonderful nature experience!** ”, Noora finished the list, exaggerated, sounding like a saleswoman.

“ **Well, now you made me think about sex** ”, he accused her, pretending to be annoyed and made her smile stupidly. That was not a bad thing, she thought. “ **You don’t even want some hot chocolate first?** ”, she tried. He didn’t answer but watched her and didn’t even try to hide his crazy smile. “ **You know it’s always better if you have to wait for it** ”, she continued teasingly. “ **You’re being such a tease right now** ”, he complained a little. But he still did served her the hot chocolate.

 

### (Sunday 25 November, 2018)

They were back in Oslo right around four but it was already dark outside. William suggested frozen pizza for dinner, since he already had it at home, and Noora teased him for it and insisted on at least make a fresh cabbage and carrot salad to go with it. “ **Sometimes food is just food. To survive. Frozen pizza is… ok, especially when I’m alone and don’t feel like cooking or go out to buy something. Anyway I usually put on some extra topping on, to improve it** ”, he defended himself while heating the pizza in the oven.

 

After dinner they ended up in the sofa. William was in one end with a book and Noora sat down in the other end of the sofa and observed him. He looked up at her. “ **When are you moving in here for real?** ”, he asked. It took her by surprise, because he had not mentioned it since September. “ **I… eh, I’m not sure I will move in here** ”, she answered him. He seemed to be contemplating on the meaning of her words. “ **But you still want to live with me? At some point?** ”, he then asked. “ **Yes. Just not like this. On so unequal terms** ”, she started. “ **We have talked about this** ”, she added, remembering all the discussions they had this summer when he was looking for an apartment.

 

“ **Ok, but, let’s say it was the other way around. If I in a few years decide to dedicate my life to give legal aid to people who cannot afford it. And you have become a best selling author. Would you still insist that I’d pay half of everything? Even if you had much more money than me?** ”, he asked.

Noora got silent. Off course not, she would be proud of him for choosing to help others over getting a fat salary. But it was not even comparable. “ **Probably not, but it’s not the same at all. We would not be reproducing historically sexist cultural norms, where the woman is financially depending on the man. I would still be in control of my own life, still depend on myself** ”, she explained.

 

William was observing her from his end of the sofa, in deep thoughts, before he said, “ **Close your eyes. I want to show you something** ”. “ **How can you show me something if I have my eyes closed?** ”, she protested. He laughed at her, “ **Just do it** ”, he ordered her. “ **Ok** ”, she said and reluctantly closed her eyes. She could hear him walking around in the apartment, moving something noisy. Then he took her hand and said, “ **Follow me. But don’t open your eyes yet** ”. She walked with him over the livingroom floor with the new soft carpet and into the second bedroom. “ **Now you can look** ”, he said. She looked around but did not notice anything immediately different, apart from that the laundry rack had been moved out. The room had a pull out sofa and a desk by the window where William sometimes sat and study for exams. “ **Now, you can either take this symbolically or very literally** ”, he said cryptical. She still did not get it. She walked over to the desk and found that her Virginia Woolf book “A room of one’s own” was lying there. She took it up and looked at him puzzled. “ **You want to give me a room?** ”, she asked confused.

 

“ **I see how you stress between classes and work, my place and your place, booked laundry and grocery shopping and I just don’t get why. Is it worth it? You talk about women not having the same opportunities, that a lot of women still have a double workload, first a dayjob and then unpaid work at home. And you say that women have to fight so much harder to be seen and recognised for their accomplishments. Still it seems to me, like you almost like to make it hard for yourself. You want to do it all on your own** ”, he stared. He took a pause, like as he was expecting her to protest or argue against him. But she said nothing at this point.

“ **A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction** ", he quoted Woolf and added his own words “ **or if she is to write anything of value** ”. He took another brief pause before he continued.

“ **I don’t know, I just think that years from now, when you have won a Pulitzer prize or gotten your books published I would like to be able to think that I had something to do with it. That I supported you when you got started, believed in you, gave you time and space to write** ”, he said.

 

“ **You read it? The book?** ”, Noora asked surprised looking at him when he nodded. Was he using Virginia Woolf’s words against her? Or was he actually comparing her to her heroine, saying she could do anything if she just put her mind to it and if only she had the right conditions? Space and time to write. He was right too, she had been very stressed. And she had not been writing anything of value, a part from papers for school, since she started working extra at the café over a year ago.

 

“ **Look, maybe this was just a stupid egoistic attempt of me to try to make you change your mind. But just so you know, it would make me very happy if you would move in with me** ”, he said almost apologetic for making a scene. She looked at the serious expression on his face and could see that he really meant it. She didn’t need anymore arguments from him on why it was a good idea. It was the only choice that made any sense really. Right now she could not even understand why she had been so stubborn and against it for so long. Everybody else had told her months ago to just move there.

 

“ **Ok, I’ll move in with you** ”, she said. He got so happy and surprised that he had to take a step back. “ **Really? Yes, finally! We need to celebrate this** ”, he said with the widest grin and approached her and put his arms around her. “ **But wait, wait, wait. Only if I get to pay for some important bill. Like the electricity. You’d be depending on** **_me_ ** **to charge your phone and computer and to be able to make coffee in the morning** ”, she insisted. He laughed at that. “ **Sure, the electricity bill is all yours!** ”, he agreed. “ **And I’ll be depending on you for a lot of things** ”, he added.

 

He kissed her and held her very close. She could feel how relieved he was when he exhaled. His whole body shivered. It felt like he was crying silently. She released herself from his grip, looked at him and touched his face. “ **Hey you** ”, she started. “ **I didn’t understand that this meant so much to you. We have spent so much time together, I’ve been sleeping over here so much anyway** ”. He was breathing calmly now and silently stroke some hair from her face. “ **I just thought we would start negotiations after new year. And talk about... maybe even finding a smaller apartment more east** ”, she explained.

She had been so upset when he had decided to buy the apartment although she had been against moving there. Feeling like he was trying to trick her, manipulate her into moving there. It would be just like London all over again, her following him, being dependent on him.

To his defense, he had showed her five other rental apartments and one more that he considered buying and she had rejected them all. She had not been in a hurry to move, and therefore had not actively been looking or suggesting any apartments that she would approve, although she knew very well that he was fed up with living at Kollektivet and wanted to move.

 

“ **You were right. It did feel like a step backward. But you didn’t want to move forward. So I had to force it a bit** ”, he admitted and looked sad. **“If you really want something smaller, more east, we can start looking. If it’s important for you** ”, he told her, showing a will to compromise. “ **But I like it here** ”, he added, just to make that clear.

She smiled at him, she knew this already, she had seen how proud he had been showing of the place at the house warming and the way he talked about it. Like an investment and a place he could even invite his father to.

“ **No, no, no, this place is fine. It’s growing on me, with the new carpet and all. And this room is a bit rough, it has potential** ”, she said looking around in the room where they were standing. “ **The chillout room. Or hooka hooka room like Chris calls it** ”, William said, remembering the last party, making them both laugh. “ **A room of my own. Or our study room** ”, she suggested. Then she remembered that William once had suggested that, five years from now, it could be the future baby’s room. It made her a little sad and worried, thinking that probably he wanted children one day while she did not. It was one of those things that could become a future conflict, the kind that might even make them go separate ways. She hesitated, not sure if she should mention it, thinking they had been through enough of disagreement lately and that they deserved to just be happy about her moving in with him now. Still it gnawed at her mind, and avoiding to talk about things had never made anything better for them in the past. So she found the courage she needed to ask him, “ **You once called it the future baby’s room. Remember?** ”. “ **Yes. But it doesn’t need to be** ”, he answered quickly without hesitation. “ **But you do want children one day?** ”, she insisted asking. “ **I don’t know. Either way I want you much more** ”, he ended the discussion. She smiled, relieved. That was good to hear. And maybe ten years from now, she would even feel different about it herself. “ **So how do we celebrate this?** ”, she asked. “ **I have some ideas… we do have a jacuzzi after all** ”, he suggested.

 

### Group chat (Monday 26 November, 2018)

Eskild: **Noora?**

**Noora, Noora, Noora?**

**We have not seen you in a long time**

**it almost feels like you don’t live here anymore**

**Like you don’t love us anymore!**

Noora: **My darling Eskild and my sweetest Linn**

**I miss you too <3**

Linn: **? <3 ?**

Eskild: **Oh, now I am starting to get worried**

**Is this really our Noora?**

**Or have someone taken over her account?**

Noora: **What? So I can’t be sweet to you?**

Linn: **it’s a too sweet, unnatural**

Esklid: **do you need to ask for a favour?**

**Or tell us something bad?**

Noora: **was it that obvious?**

Linn: **Are you leaving us?**

**moving in with William?**

Noora: **eh, yes**

**how did you know?**

Eskild: **sweet naive blue eyed Noora**

**It was just a matter of time**

**but can you wait until after new year?**

Noora: **Why after new year?**

Eskild: **It will just be easier for me**

**for my poor heart**

Noora: **Did you bet money on it?**

**how much will you lose if I move in December?**

**And who will win?**

Linn: **I already lost 100 crowns**

**I bet on October**

Eskild: **If you move in November Isak will win**

**In December Sana**

Noora: **And Eva?**

Eskild: **She took one look at the jacuzzi and bet on September**

Noora: **So, you are ok? Not sad that I am leaving?**

Linn: **we are sad, but you’ve stay longer than I expected**

Esklid: **I will be heartbroken if you leave before new year!!**

Noora: **Off course you will!**


	18. POV Eva : Stay with me

### (Wednesday 5 December, 2018)

Eva was home cleaning her room, sorting things out that she didn’t need anymore. One box for things to throw away and one for things to give to friends, her little half brothers or some second hand shop. She was listening to Sam Smith’s “Stay with me” on repeat. “ **Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand. But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man. These nights never seem to go to plan. I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?** ”, Sam confessed in the song for the fifth time. “ **Won't you stay with me? 'Cause you're all I need. This ain't love, it's clear to see. But, darling, stay with me** ”, Eva sang along.

She should start packing soon too. To understand if she needed to buy anything before the trip and to see how much would fit in her bag without exiting the 23 kg allowed luggage.

 

“ **Why am I so emotional? No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control. And deep down I know this never works. But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt** ”, she continued singing along with the sad song. It was a mystery to her how he could make a one night stand, or whatever the song was about, sound so true and strong. But what did she really know about love anyway, it always got complicated. Was it all in the end just about not wanting to be alone?

 

She was meeting her father for dinner tomorrow, he was even coming to Oslo, just to see her when he heard she was leaving. It had totally taken her by surprise that he would come to Oslo, in the middle of the week, just for her. On Friday she was going to hang out with Noora and Sana in the day and her mother in the evening and the the flight was on Saturday morning.

 

There was one more thing she wanted, or felt like she needed, to do before she left. Talk to Adam. He said that he would be in the studio today and that his producer needed to leave at seven, so she could drop by anytime after that. She had not seen him since the party. It was more than two weeks now and she was a little nervous.

 

### In the Studio

Eva found him down the corridor in the recording room to the left, just as she had been told. She saw him through the glass door and knocked before she walked in. “ **Hi, I thought you’d call. How did you get in?** ”, he asked surprised to see her. He was sitting relaxed in a big swivel chair and listening to something on his headphones. “ **I met your producer on the way out and offered him a blow job to let me get in** ”, she joked. Adam didn’t seem to find it funny. Vilde and Chris would had laughed for sure, she thought and made a mental note to remember to tell them this scene when they’ll meet. “ **It was a joke** ”, she explained. “ **Funny** ”, he commented dry. Eva looked around in the room.  “ **So… this is where the magic happens?** ”, Eva asked. It got him in a better mood. “ **Sometimes** ”, he answered and showed her a little what he was working on for the moment.

 

“ **Can I get you something? Coffee, tea, water?** ”, he asked. “ **Tea would be good** ”, she answered and followed him down the corridor to the small kitchen. She walked behind him and kept her eyes on the top of his back. He put on the water boiler and showed her his two types of tea. Ginger tea, which was supposedly very good for your throat, and mint tea, which was supposedly very good for digestion, he informed her. She picked the mint tea and got some honey in it as well. They walked back down the corridor, she was now focusing on not spilling any hot tea instead.

 

He sat down in his chair and she placed herself on the black leather sofa. “ **You wanted to talk** “, he said giving her the word. “ **Yeah, right. It was a bit weird the last time we met** ”, she started. “ **It’s ok. Don’t worry about it. We’re cool now** ”, he answered before she had even asked him anything about it. “ **You seemed a bit upset. Are you in love with me?** ”, she asked straight out.

“ **In love?** ”, he laughed a little, looked away and started turning on the chair. Was he nervous or just being an ass, she thought. It felt like a justified question to someone who has slept with her multiple times and cornered her in a bathroom, accusing her of seducing his friend. “ **Sure I have feeling for you. I am not completely heartless** ”, he answered and looked at her. “ **But you didn’t have to come all the way here to ask me that. You could have just send a message. And you don’t need to worry about things being weird when we meet for the hip hop workshop. I promise, I’ll behave** ”, he started rambling, obviously feeling exposed and not at all comfortable with the discussion.

 

“ **About that. I will not be there. I am moving to Las Palmas on Saturday** ”, she told him and looked for a reaction. “ **I know. Mutta mentioned it. So soon?** ”, he asked. “ **Yeah, I got a job and they want me to start before the holidays** ”, she explained. He was silent for a while. “ **Well, have fun. I’m not going to ask you to stay** ”, he finally said. His words stung her. She was not sure what she had expected or hoped for, but not this. She felt sad, confused and angry with him for this immature behaviour. She stood up and said “ **Well that was what I wanted to tell you, in person** ”, she declared but felt the tears burn behind her eyelids and took her bag and got ready to leave. Adam followed her with his eyes. “ **Hey, come here** ”, he said and stood up with his arms wide opened. He wrapped himself around her like a blanket and said, “ **It will be too selfish of me to ask you to stay, princess** ”.

 

She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. She would miss him, even his spicy cologne that she didn’t like at first. She thought about whether or not she should initiate something, slip her hand under his shirt and feel some skin. The could do it on the black leather sofa. Then he would think about her every time he was in the studio. But she felt tired of games now.

She felt so small standing there wrapped up in his arms. He was bigger, taller and wider than Jonas. More like her father. She could not remember the last time her father had hugged her like this, for real, not just a quick hug in the hallway when coming or leaving.

 

“ **This feels a bit like hugging my dad** ”, she said out loud. He started to let go of her. “ **Your dad? The one you hate?** ”, he asked. “ **That is messed up in so many ways, princess** ”, he said laughing. “ **It’s not. This was not sexual. It was just a hug. A fatherly hug** ”, she defended her words. he shook his head and laughed at her and caressed her cheek. “ **I’ll miss you when your gone** ”, he then said. “ **When you are back, look me up. Maybe things are different then. Maybe our timing is better then or something** ”, he told her. She nodded. “ **Or when you change your mind about babies, you know who to call** ”, she joked. He found it funny. “ **No! Not babies again! You crazy chick. Ahh, now that you know that I can pull of the fatherly hug, there is no escape** ”, he continued joking.

 

He started walking her to the exit, saying that was the safest thing to do now, before things would get out of control. “ **Did you ever finish that song? Late night pancakes?** ”, she asked. He laughed. “ **I really did try to make something of it, just for fun. But I never really liked the ending** ”, he confessed. “ **That’s just a bad excuses. You can do whatever you want with it. Choose your own ending then. It doesn’t even have to be true** ”, she told him. “ **I’m telling you, it will be a hit!** ”, she tried to convince him. “ **Yeah, Mikael also says that. Sad love song sell like crazy, apparently** ”, he agreed smiling. “ **Then make it even more sad! I promise, I will not be offended if I die of cancer or something!** ”, she assured him. He laughed. “ **We’ll see** ”. They had reached the door and said goodbye. One last hug. Then she left.

 

### Chat with Adam (Friday 5 December, 2018)

Adam: **so, princess, are you ready to move to Las Palmas tomorrow?**

Eva: **no! but i’ll do it anyway**

**I should be ready though, I’ve ticked almost everything on my to do list**

Adam: **You have a list?**

**was I on that list before?**

Eva: **Yes, “talk to Adam” was on the list**

**(Not “do Adam”)**

Adam: **ha ha, too bad :( well you still have 24 h or something**

Eva: **Oh, no, I am not putting you back on that list**

**I’m stressed enough as it is**

Adam: **Do you know what I think your thing is?**

**you make people feel good. Relaxed**

Eva: **Thank you <3 **

**but… what can I do with that? Making people feel good...**

Adam: **Anything!**

**Everything!**

**idk, ha ha**

Eva: **Ok... Thanks anyway**

**it feels good to be a person who make people feel good :)**

Adam: **it feels good to make you feel good to know you’re a person who make people feel good :)**

Eva: **Ok... ha ha, I gotta stop, got packing and then meeting Sana and Noora in a few hours**

Adam: **have a good trip and see you when you’re back**

Eva: **Thanks! Good luck with your record coming up**

Adam: **Thanks**


	19. POV Even : people need people, but one person is not enough

### (Friday 7 December, 2018)

The morning had been busier than normal and very stressful although they had been two baristas working up front and one more colleague in the back preparing sandwiches and refilling pastries, yogurts and juice. When it started to slow down Even got a chance to take a short break. He had gotten promoted to shift leader about six months ago and now the Coffee shop manager were going on paternity leave so they had asked him to step in for the coming six months.

Even had never expected that he would stay this long at this job, but he liked it and was apparently very good at it. He liked the mix between very practical work and the social interactions with customers. He felt like a friend to the regulars and could handle rude or unsatisfied customers well too. They were normally just stressed, having a train or an appointment to catch, and then add being hungry to that. It reminded him of H.A.L.T, a tool he used to make sure he cared for his own needs and stayed in balance. The trick was to never never let himself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. And when it happened to, _halt_ , stop and take care for those needs; eat, rest or reach out and talk to someone, to not bottle up any anger or let the loneliness lead to isolation and make it worse.

As a shift leader he tried to apply those rules when staffing the shifts, making sure they were enough people for the busy flows, give room for regular breaks to eat and rest and create a good group feeling. He tried to remember it in meeting with customers too To always treat them good, especially when they seemed grumpy or stressed. He might not be able to do much, as a barista, about any bottled anger, but he could help a little with the hunger, loneliness or tiredness.

 

“ **Even, a friend of yours is here** ”, his college came to tell him as he was having his break on the backside. “ **Ok. You can take a break now if you want to, I’ve got it** ”, Even answered and went inside. Adam was there. “ **Even! I wasn’t sure you were working or not** ”, Adam said and gave him a hug. “ **Adam, my Khouya! What can I get you?** ”, he asked. “ **A double expresso macchiato. I need to wake up** ”, Adam said and noticed Even laughing at him. “ **What? Why are you laughing?** ”, he asked. “ **Expresso? You’re so sweet. It’s called espresso** ”, Even corrected him. “ **You know what I mean, don’t you** ”, Adam answered a bit embarrassed. Even small talked while preparing the order. “ **So, you’re on your way to the studio? How are things going?** ”, he asked. “ **Fine, most of the time. A bit low on inspiration sometimes** ”, he complained. Even nodded understanding.

 

“ **Everything ok with you and Eva now?** ”, he asked curiously. He had not talked to Adam directly about it, just heard about it briefly. “ **Ehh, good. We’re friends, just friends. She came by the studio the other day** ”, Adam started, fiddling with the sugar tubes, emptying two of them in his coffee and stirring it around with a small spoon. “ **She drives me crazy, in a good way. But it was never meant to be serious** . **And now she off for Gran Canaria anyway. It’s probably for the best** ”, he continued accepting things the way they were.

“ **So? It’s not at the end of the world, only a few hours away. You could go down there for a few weeks or months. Get some sun and inspiration** ”, Even suggested.

“ **I don’t know. If I feel I need some sun it’s more likely I’d go to Morocco than Gran Canaria** ”, Adam answered evasively. “ **Aaah, Marrakech, let’s just drop everything and go there now** ”, Even said enthusiastic. “ **You know I am crazy enough to do it. Close this place right now, take the train to airport and catch the first flight** ”, he added. “ **Man, it’s really tempting! But we both know Isak would find us and shoot me down or something** ”, Adam answered making them both laughing. “ **True. Ok, some other time and then and we can take Isak with us** ”, Even suggested. “ **And maybe Eva too** ”, he added just to see what Adam would reply. “ **Seriously, I don’t know with Eva. Maybe we just had bad timing. Or maybe we are too different...** ”, Adam said. “ **Timing is everything** ”, Even agreed. Adam had finished his coffee and thanked Even and left.

 

### My lucky day

Even looked at the clock and started to get mentally prepared for the lunch rush. A few hours later Sana, Eva and Noora entered the café. Eva explained that it was their last chance to hang out before she would leave for Las Palmas next morning. “ **This must be my lucky day then. Adam was by here earlier and now the three of you** ”, Even mentioned. “ **Yeah? Did he seem well?** ”, Eva asked concerned. “ **Yes. Just a bit low on inspiration** ”, Even answered. Eva shook her head. “ **I try to tell him, he should just write about anything, not make it so hard. If he is bored or restless, then write about that. People can relate to anything that’s real. His song** **_No pressure_ ** **, is the best he ever made, because it was the most honest, easiest to relate to** ”, she stated.

“ **We joked about doing like you, just escape this cold place** ”, Even mentioned. “ **Well, you are always welcome to Las Palmas. Mutta would be thrilled** ”, Eva said and smiled.

 

They placed their orders and sat down at a table by the window. “ **Your coffees ladies** ”, Even said as he brought their order over to them instead of making them come to get it. “ **Now, why does the cappuccino always taste better when somebody else has made it for you?** ”, Noora teased him “ **Especially if it’s a man** ”, Eva added. “ **Next time you can serve me** ”, Even suggested to Noora. “ **Then you’ll have to come home to me and William, because I just quit my job** ”, she informed him victoriously.

“ **Yes, I lost. I am moving in with William now, moving the last boxes and things tomorrow. Anybody wanna help? I’ll offer pizza** ”, she wondered.

Even was astonished. “ **If moving in with William in that apartment is losing, I wonder what winning looks like for you** ”, he made fun of her. Noora did not seem too disappointed but rather unusually happy.

 

“ **So what are you going to with all you free time now that you will not work anymore?** ”, Even asked. “ **Hmm... 2019 is going to be the year when I try to not stress so much. And, apart from studying, I plan to drink a lot of tea and coffee and write more. I’m thinking about starting up a blog, about feminism, half serious half satiric** ”, she explained. “ **Now that you’ve got yourself a sugar daddy!** ”, Eva teased her. “ **What?! No, we still share costs. I just don’t have a rent to pay anymore. What’s with the hacking anyway? When I didn’t want to move in you were all on me about that and now this!** ”, Noora complained. “ **You are too happy! It’s not natural** ”, Eva explained. “ **So let me be happy. I’m sure there will be new suffering soon enough anyway** ”, Noora answered. “ **So true. Life is now** ”, Even answered and went back to the counter to get their food. Eva was fastest up offering to help him.

 

“ **I’ve heard they say that you are better than Dr Phil** ”, Sana teased Even when he was back. “ **Who says that? Don’t believe everything you hear. They say a lot of things about me** ”, he answered cryptical. “ **Well thank you anyway. Yousef said you are very good to talk to** ”, she told him. “ **This could be a business idea. To offer good coffee and conversations or relationship advice. Dr Love-coffee!** ”, Eva suggested resulting in laughter. Even did not think it was a bad idea. With all the lonely and worried people in the city, the place would fast get crowded. The problem was that billing for it would likely take away the satisfaction he felt from knowing that he helped friends or made the day just a little better for a regular or stranger.

“ **Seriously, people need people, but one person is not enough** ”, Sana added and looked at him gratefully. “ **So true. When I was in London, I felt so lonely, although I should have been happy. I had just moved together with the love of my life, in a very nice apartment and was in a metropolis full of interesting things to do. But I missed Oslo so much, you and Kollektivet** ”, Noora told them.

 

“ **I’m thinking about that famous Orson Welles quote** ”, Noora started and recited it; “ **We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone** ”. Leaving a theatrical pause of silence to let it sink in, before she continued. “ **I am thinking that maybe it is the opposite, that being alone and independent is the real illusion. That we are social creatures, like animals living in herds or packs, and we need each other to survive** ”. They had all been there at some point, feeling alone, needing others, Even though.

 

…

 

After work Even was not sure if he should go directly home, to Isak who said he was home studying, or if he should check what his friends were up to. He chose Isak. Entering the door, Isak was sitting by the table pretending to study, but Even noticed the Fifa game was on pause.

“ **So how was work?** ”, Isak asked. “ **Good. I almost escaped to Marrakech with another man today** ”, he teased him. “ **No! You would never do that to me!** ”, Isak answered startled. “ **You never know, with this cold weather, I sometimes feel like escaping to warmer places** ”, Even continued. “ **But I’ll keep you warm!** ”, Isak offered and was up on his feet and close by Even’s side. “ **Who was this man anyway?** ”, he asked a little suspicious.

Even kissed him and shook his head. He was not going to tell him. It had just been a joke anyway, better to not make it too real and put any ideas in Isak’s sweet little head, he thought. He didn’t mind Isak being jealous, as long as it didn’t end up in a fist fight or some other drama. It was a natural reaction, it only meant that he wanted to be the only one.

“ **What do I need to do, to make sure you would not run off with another man? Or woman?** ”, Isak asked. “ **Marry you?** ”. The suggestion surprised Even, was he really proposing now? Was his sweet teenage loverboy even ready for that? “ **Don’t worry, I will not run off with someone else** ”, he answered and kissed him again. If Isak really meant it, getting married, then he would need to bring it up again, Even thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end of of this story. I hope most of you enjoyed it!
> 
> It always feels both good and sad to finish a story that has been living in my head for a long time. 
> 
> I am not sure when I will continue, but I have some ideas for coming drama and themes that I would like to explore.
> 
> Anyway, let me know if you want to read new stories from me (and about who/what), because I have been thinking a bit about not sharing them here anymore, but just in a small circle of friends who also write instead. Either way I will probably need to take a longer break before I publish anything new.
> 
> All the best to you and remember that people need people, but one person is not enough and timing is everything!


End file.
